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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25443961">When We Lie</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sayuri_Zen_av_Elda/pseuds/Sayuri_Zen_av_Elda'>Sayuri_Zen_av_Elda</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Marvel Cinematic Universe</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe, F/M, Gen, Loki/Original Character - Romance, Norse Mythology - Freeform, Original Character(s), Other, platonic!Loki</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 08:07:27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>34</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>51,341</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25443961</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sayuri_Zen_av_Elda/pseuds/Sayuri_Zen_av_Elda</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Two years after the disastrous incident that was Manhattan, Loki is given an opportinuty to integrate back into society. Where else to go but Earth and the Avengers? Sadly, the one in charge of Loki isn't Thor, but you. It doesn't take long for Loki to realise you have a bone to pick with him and you find yourself having to choose to either obey your orders or send him to Helheim once and for all.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Bucky/original female character, Loki (Marvel)/Reader</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>48</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>You become Loki’s babysitter.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Edit: Fixed a MAJOR mistake.</p><p>Hiya, everyone!</p><p>I don't own any of the MCU plots/characters in this fic, they belong to Marvel.</p><p>I just finished reading Kiss Me Better by blissfullylostinarabbithole* (which I strongly recommend), and thought that the you/reader POV was fitting for this fic. </p><p>*You can find both the story and author here on AO3 and on Wattpad</p><p>Enjoy!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>You get back to base after a mission. Exhausted, you make way to the kitchen to eat. You barely get two steps in before someone says in surprise, “You?”</p><p>You lift your head and lock eyes with Loki. Your mouth drops. “Wh—” You glare at him. “I have a name.”</p><p>“I know,” Loki said. His face has been masked with indifference. “How else would you differentiate between each other?”</p><p>Furious, you turn your glare on Thor. “What in the nine realms is he doing here?”</p><p>“Reintegration into society.”</p><p>Loki snorts. “You learned a big word, brother. Congrats.”</p><p>Thor turns angry eyes on him. You can’t stop the laugh from escaping. They both look at you in surprise, and you shrug. “What? It’s funny.”</p><p>“I like them,” Loki says to Thor.</p><p>You roll your eyes and return to the previous topic. “It’s been nearly two years since Manhattan, do you really think he’s fit for reintegration? And why the hell on Earth?”</p><p>Thor hesitates, leading to Loki taking the wheel. He sighs and roll his eyes. “Odin thought it a good test. If I manage to live through half a year here without the world ending, I’ll be rewarded.” He spits out the last word.</p><p>“So… We’ll be your babysitters?” you ask. “Or will someone be especially assigned to take care of him?” You look at Thor.</p><p>“There are more dignified words than babysitter, my dear,” Loki chuckles. “Don’t look down on yourself.”</p><p>You can’t decide if you should shout at him or plain kick in him the balls.</p><p>Thor looks at you with worry creasing his forehead and move to stand between you and Loki.</p><p>Loki snickers. “You think they can hurt me?”</p><p>That’s it. Fuck Asgard. You stomp over to the brothers, but Cap appears out of nowhere and grabs you. “Hold on, hold on,” he tries to calm you, “We can’t have you kill him.”</p><p>“Kill me?” Loki laughs. “I would like to see you try.”</p><p>“Don’t challenge them, brother,” Thor hiss and pushes Loki out the door.</p><p>Cap releases you. “You cool?”</p><p>“Hell no, how can I be—” His warning expression silences you. “Sorry. I’ll be in the study.”</p><p>You can feel Cap’s eyes on your back all the way to the elevator. You order FRIDAY to take you to the study. When the doors close, you slump against the wall, your hands covering your face.</p><p>***</p><p>By the time the weekly meeting starts, you’ve gone through five potential upgrades for your gear and three new sketches for your suit.</p><p>The automated doors open for you and you look up from the floor. Everyone’s attention turn to you when your sketchbook loudly hits the floor.</p><p>Mr. Stark immediately holds his hands up in surrender. “We can explain.”</p><p>Loki arch an eyebrow. “We already did.”</p><p>“Silence, brother. Please.”</p><p>Without a word, you turn on your heels and run back to your quarters. Tears run down your cheek by the time the elevator doors open on your floor.</p><p>
  <em>“The meeting has already—”</em>
</p><p>“I know, FRIDAY. Don’t inform me about anything regarding it.”</p><p>
  <em>“Understood.” </em>
</p><p>You slam the door shut and bury your face in your pillows. Finally, you can cry to your heart’s content.</p><p>“Aw, how sweet. Is it me you are crying for?”</p><p>You throw the pillow and it soars through Loki’s illusion. “How the— What the—” You give up and start cursing in Swedish.</p><p>“I can understand you,” Loki says gleefully. “And that’s not a very nice thing to say.”</p><p>“What are you doing here?” you whisper-shout.</p><p>Loki looks around the room and walk over to the sofa. He slowly sits down and puts one leg over the other. “This is comfier than I would have thought.”</p><p>“Don’t ignore me!”</p><p>His playfulness gives way to icy irritation. “What can you do to stop me?”</p><p>“How about murdering you?”</p><p>“I’m a god and you’re mortal. Last I checked, you were unable to kill us.”</p><p>You slowly count to ten. Then twenty. After reaching forty, you give up and take a few deep breaths. “What. Are you. Doing. Here?”</p><p>Ooh, now <em>that’s<em> what I’d like to see!” He grins and stands up. “I am here because my brother’s new friends all decided you were the perfect—what did you call it?—babysitter.” </em></em></p><p>The world comes to a screeching halt and you try to say something, but nothing comes out. “Pardon?” you finally manage to squeeze through.</p><p>Loki gives you a disappointed look. “I don’t make it a habit of repeating my words, mortal. Either get your ears checked or accept the truth.”</p><p>You stare at him, mouth agape, and try to process what’s happening. You, his babysitter? You, whose friends died because he wrecked Stark Tower, were supposed to hold back enough not only not to kill him, but to protect him should the need arise?</p><p>Son of a half-troll!” you scream and storm out of the room.</p><p>Loki looks over his shoulder and whistles. “This will be funnier than I thought.”</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Bickering with Tony Stark is hard. Having a civil conversation with Loki is harder.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Are you <em>mad<em>?” you shout and throw up the doors to mr. Stark’s “imagination room”.</em></em></p>
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Mr. Stark looks away from his holograms. “There you are, short stuff!”
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“Don’t effing call me that! How dare you—”
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“Not even going to listen to what I have to say?” Mr. Stark raises his eyebrows in disapproval.
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You mutter something incoherent. “Spit it out, why did you assign me as his babysitter?”
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“Guard, actually. Babysitter doesn’t sound honorable enough.”
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You glower at him.
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Mr. Stark sighs and leans against his desk. “Listen here, we all have a—what is it you call it?—goose-something-something with him—”
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It’s <em>‘en gås oplockad’<em>. You say ‘a bone to pick’,” you growl.
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“—and you happen to be free. Also, it would be good to rid yourself of some of that anger. Trust me, it won’t do you any good.” He gave you a pitying smile. “See this as yet another aggravating mission. When it’s done, you don’t have to see him ever again.”
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He doesn’t understand. Loki thrives off of chaos and corruption—the myths exist for a reason—he won’t just leave and never come back. He will find one way or another to make their lives miserable.
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“Have you ever actually studied Norse mythology?” you counter. “Because I have, and Loki has so far delivered on every expectation.”
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Mr. Stark jabs a finger in the air. “And that, my friend, is your problem.”
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You almost stomp on the ground like a child. “Stop treating me like a baby! For the love of Yggdrasil, I’m twenty-one, not five.”
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“He would appreciate that.”
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“Huh?”
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“Loki, I mean. Thor certainly does.”
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You shake your head and frown. “What? Appreciate what?”
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Mr. Stark walks around the room and dramatically looks out the windows. “Your PG cursing. Frankly, it’s adorable.”
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“Oh my—” You start mutter in gibberish. “Holy cow, I’m surrounded by idiots.”
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“No, we’re just misunderstood.”
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“Shut up! Why am I here? There’s no use in reasoning with you.”
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Mr. Stark closes his eyes for a moment and takes a deep breath. “Listen to me. You need this. Thor needs this. And I think I’m speaking for all of us when I say we need this.” He walks back to the desk and sits on it. “Him changing is a good sign. We can finally try to move on, you know. He goes from villain to, I don’t know, not villain. Certainly not Avengers-material, but at least he won’t try to kill our asses.”
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“Have you—”
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“Shush, Tony Stark is speaking.”
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You gape in disbelief.
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“He can become somewhat of an ally. Of course, we can’t trust him completely yet, but if this all works out, then we’ll have an Asgardian magician on our side. You know Loki from your religion—” 
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“Mythologies, please,” you sigh in exasperation.
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“—you know how powerful he can be. How powerful is he?”
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You shrug. “He’s rumoured to begin <em>Ragnarök<em>.”
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“I just love when you speak Swedish. It sounds so fun.”
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You glare at him, and he immediately sobers. “Ragnarok, got it. He’s dangerous. Anything else?”
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“The stories aren’t necessarily true; Loki is said to have brothers— children I mean, but I asked Thor once, and he gave me this <em>are-you-nuts<em> kind of look and told me Loki was a virgin.”
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Mr. Stark snorts. “Useful information. Let’s call some hookers. So, who’s the children?”
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“Fenrir, Hel—you know her as Hela, for some reason—and Jormungandr.”
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“Jo- Jorm-what now?” He smiles tightly. “As I said, Swedish, it’s amazing.”
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“It’s a huge-ass serpent, literally called the world serpent, circling around Midgå— gard.”
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Mr. Stark stares at you in confusion. “He’s an Asgardian, right? Why is his kid a snake?”
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“How should I know? Ask Angrboða, she’s the mother.”
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“Ang—” Mr. Stark stops himself and shakes his head. “You’re throwing too many strange names and words around. Is she Loki’s… wife?”
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“No, that’s Sigyn.” At his flat stare, you grin. “Now you know how everyone else feels around you. But okay, fine. It’s like this: Loki had two mates, the Asgardian Sigyn and the <em>jättekvinna<em> Angrboða.”
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“You’re using the Scandinavian words to aggravate me, aren’t you?”
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 You flash him another grin. “You bet I am. Now, let me speak. The two of them both bore Loki children, but Angrboða’s are more famous. There’s three of them, the ruler of Helheim, the Norse equivalent of Hell or the Underworld, Hel or Hela; the wolf Fenrir; and the Midgardian world serpent Jormungandr. Sigyn bore him at least one son, but honestly, he has so many potential names I can’t even fricking remember them. He has another one, too, but I don’t remember who’s the mother. But they’re not important until <em>Ragnarök<em> either way. Now, this is all fake—at least according to Thor. As far has he knows, there is no Sigyn and Loki’s not married.” What he actually said was more akin to <em>“That child, with a woman? I’d like to see that!”<em> but she wasn’t about to mention something that embarrassing.
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“I… Where can I find this information?” mr. Stark asked.
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“Wikipedia.”
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“W— Of course. Yes, thank you…”
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You shrug, a smug smirk on your lips. “Or you can look at the original sources, the Poetic Edda and Prosaic Edda. Start there.”
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              <em>
                <em>
                  <em>
                    <em>
                      <em>
                        <em>
                          <em></em>
                        </em>
                      </em>
                    </em>
                  </em>
                </em>
              </em>
            </em>
          </em>
        </em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
“Why, oh why, couldn’t it have been Greek? Why Norse?” mr. Stark mutters and pulls up Google on his holographic window.
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>
          <em>
            <em>
              <em>
                <em>
                  <em>
                    <em>
                      <em>
                        <em>
                          <em></em>
                        </em>
                      </em>
                    </em>
                  </em>
                </em>
              </em>
            </em>
          </em>
        </em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
“Not like Greek is any easier to pronounce.”
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>
          <em>
            <em>
              <em>
                <em>
                  <em>
                    <em>
                      <em>
                        <em>
                          <em></em>
                        </em>
                      </em>
                    </em>
                  </em>
                </em>
              </em>
            </em>
          </em>
        </em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
“Apollo I can deal with. Cronus, yes. Whatever Loki’s supposed childbirthing girlfriend’s name is? Not today Satan.”
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>
          <em>
            <em>
              <em>
                <em>
                  <em>
                    <em>
                      <em>
                        <em>
                          <em></em>
                        </em>
                      </em>
                    </em>
                  </em>
                </em>
              </em>
            </em>
          </em>
        </em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
You pause. “Did you just…?”
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>
          <em>
            <em>
              <em>
                <em>
                  <em>
                    <em>
                      <em>
                        <em>
                          <em></em>
                        </em>
                      </em>
                    </em>
                  </em>
                </em>
              </em>
            </em>
          </em>
        </em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
He nods. “You’ve been running around showing us memes ever since you started here. Of course I would remember them. Who do you think I am?”
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>
          <em>
            <em>
              <em>
                <em>
                  <em>
                    <em>
                      <em>
                        <em>
                          <em></em>
                        </em>
                      </em>
                    </em>
                  </em>
                </em>
              </em>
            </em>
          </em>
        </em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
“Point taken. So… Do I have to babysit him?”
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>
          <em>
            <em>
              <em>
                <em>
                  <em>
                    <em>
                      <em>
                        <em>
                          <em></em>
                        </em>
                      </em>
                    </em>
                  </em>
                </em>
              </em>
            </em>
          </em>
        </em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
“The rest of us are busy, so that’s a definite yes.”
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>
          <em>
            <em>
              <em>
                <em>
                  <em>
                    <em>
                      <em>
                        <em>
                          <em></em>
                        </em>
                      </em>
                    </em>
                  </em>
                </em>
              </em>
            </em>
          </em>
        </em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
You groan. “Screw you, Stark.”
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>
          <em>
            <em>
              <em>
                <em>
                  <em>
                    <em>
                      <em>
                        <em>
                          <em></em>
                        </em>
                      </em>
                    </em>
                  </em>
                </em>
              </em>
            </em>
          </em>
        </em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
 He looks you dead in the eyes. “I have Pepper for that.”
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>
          <em>
            <em>
              <em>
                <em>
                  <em>
                    <em>
                      <em>
                        <em>
                          <em></em>
                        </em>
                      </em>
                    </em>
                  </em>
                </em>
              </em>
            </em>
          </em>
        </em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
You choke on air. “Oh my gods! Oh my egging gods. No, just no. What the hell is wrong with you? Ew, please.” You shiver and walk to the door. “Ew ew ew ew ew and ew. Don’t say that where she can hear you! Or actually, do. You deserve hell for that comment.”
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>
          <em>
            <em>
              <em>
                <em>
                  <em>
                    <em>
                      <em>
                        <em></em>
                      </em>
                    </em>
                  </em>
                </em>
              </em>
            </em>
          </em>
        </em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
Mr. Stark’s guffaw follows you into the elevator. It’s not until you’re a few floors up that you realise you went off-track. What about your cursing would Loki appreciate? That it was Norse?
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>
          <em>
            <em>
              <em>
                <em>
                  <em>
                    <em>
                      <em>
                        <em></em>
                      </em>
                    </em>
                  </em>
                </em>
              </em>
            </em>
          </em>
        </em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
***
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>
          <em>
            <em>
              <em>
                <em>
                  <em>
                    <em>
                      <em>
                        <em></em>
                      </em>
                    </em>
                  </em>
                </em>
              </em>
            </em>
          </em>
        </em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
 You can’t help but glare at the god sitting comfortably in your armchair. You don’t want him in the headquarters, or anywhere near Earth. But the Norns aren’t on your side, and haven’t been since Manhattan.
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>
          <em>
            <em>
              <em>
                <em>
                  <em>
                    <em>
                      <em>
                        <em></em>
                      </em>
                    </em>
                  </em>
                </em>
              </em>
            </em>
          </em>
        </em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  “I am hungry, when do you suggest we eat?”
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>
          <em>
            <em>
              <em>
                <em>
                  <em>
                    <em>
                      <em>
                        <em></em>
                      </em>
                    </em>
                  </em>
                </em>
              </em>
            </em>
          </em>
        </em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
“How about never?” you mutter and plop down on your bed.
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>
          <em>
            <em>
              <em>
                <em>
                  <em>
                    <em>
                      <em>
                        <em></em>
                      </em>
                    </em>
                  </em>
                </em>
              </em>
            </em>
          </em>
        </em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
Loki turns his head to look at you. “How many children am I supposed to have, exactly?”
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>
          <em>
            <em>
              <em>
                <em>
                  <em>
                    <em>
                      <em>
                        <em></em>
                      </em>
                    </em>
                  </em>
                </em>
              </em>
            </em>
          </em>
        </em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
“How…? Argh, forget it. I think it’s five.”
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>
          <em>
            <em>
              <em>
                <em>
                  <em>
                    <em>
                      <em>
                        <em></em>
                      </em>
                    </em>
                  </em>
                </em>
              </em>
            </em>
          </em>
        </em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
“I see, and with whom?”
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>
          <em>
            <em>
              <em>
                <em>
                  <em>
                    <em>
                      <em>
                        <em></em>
                      </em>
                    </em>
                  </em>
                </em>
              </em>
            </em>
          </em>
        </em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
“Were you not present during the conversation?” You arch a brow.
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>
          <em>
            <em>
              <em>
                <em>
                  <em>
                    <em>
                      <em>
                        <em></em>
                      </em>
                    </em>
                  </em>
                </em>
              </em>
            </em>
          </em>
        </em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
He shrugs. “I left. Nothing more boring than hearing someone speak behind your back.”
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>
          <em>
            <em>
              <em>
                <em>
                  <em>
                    <em>
                      <em>
                        <em></em>
                      </em>
                    </em>
                  </em>
                </em>
              </em>
            </em>
          </em>
        </em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
You pause whatever retort you wanted to throw at him. A stabbing pain goes through your heart and you look away in shame. “It’s not like it’s <em>actually<em> you,” you whisper.
</em></em></p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>
          <em>
            <em>
              <em>
                <em>
                  <em>
                    <em>
                      <em>
                        <em>
                          <em>
                            <em></em>
                          </em>
                        </em>
                      </em>
                    </em>
                  </em>
                </em>
              </em>
            </em>
          </em>
        </em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
He laughs hoarsely. “No? Then whoever else would it be?” You don’t miss the pain in his eyes, though he masks it almost immediately. “Tell me, mortal, would you have stuck around if it was <em>you<em> the conversation was about?”
</em></em></p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>
          <em>
            <em>
              <em>
                <em>
                  <em>
                    <em>
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                        <em>
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                                <em></em>
                              </em>
                            </em>
                          </em>
                        </em>
                      </em>
                    </em>
                  </em>
                </em>
              </em>
            </em>
          </em>
        </em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
You shake your head.
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>
          <em>
            <em>
              <em>
                <em>
                  <em>
                    <em>
                      <em>
                        <em>
                          <em>
                            <em>
                              <em>
                                <em></em>
                              </em>
                            </em>
                          </em>
                        </em>
                      </em>
                    </em>
                  </em>
                </em>
              </em>
            </em>
          </em>
        </em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
“Then there’s your answer.”
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>
          <em>
            <em>
              <em>
                <em>
                  <em>
                    <em>
                      <em>
                        <em>
                          <em>
                            <em>
                              <em>
                                <em></em>
                              </em>
                            </em>
                          </em>
                        </em>
                      </em>
                    </em>
                  </em>
                </em>
              </em>
            </em>
          </em>
        </em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
“Sigyn and Angerboda.”
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>
          <em>
            <em>
              <em>
                <em>
                  <em>
                    <em>
                      <em>
                        <em>
                          <em>
                            <em>
                              <em>
                                <em></em>
                              </em>
                            </em>
                          </em>
                        </em>
                      </em>
                    </em>
                  </em>
                </em>
              </em>
            </em>
          </em>
        </em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
He furrows his brows. “What?”
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>
          <em>
            <em>
              <em>
                <em>
                  <em>
                    <em>
                      <em>
                        <em>
                          <em>
                            <em>
                              <em>
                                <em></em>
                              </em>
                            </em>
                          </em>
                        </em>
                      </em>
                    </em>
                  </em>
                </em>
              </em>
            </em>
          </em>
        </em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
“The women you have children with. Their names are Sigyn and Angerboda. They’re an Asgardian goddess and a Frost Giantess.”
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>
          <em>
            <em>
              <em>
                <em>
                  <em>
                    <em>
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                        <em>
                          <em>
                            <em>
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                                <em></em>
                              </em>
                            </em>
                          </em>
                        </em>
                      </em>
                    </em>
                  </em>
                </em>
              </em>
            </em>
          </em>
        </em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
 
At the mention of the Jotun woman, Loki freezes up completely. You give him a calculating look, but don’t continue talking. You already know he’s adopted, not only because of the legends but also because Thor said so. However, the thunder god never revealed if Loki had realised his true heritage or not. You have to be careful not to reveal you know this, since you don’t know what Loki will do to you in revenge. And, frankly, though you hate him, you still have standards. His being a Jotun isn’t your truth to tell.
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>
          <em>
            <em>
              <em>
                <em>
                  <em>
                    <em>
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                                <em></em>
                              </em>
                            </em>
                          </em>
                        </em>
                      </em>
                    </em>
                  </em>
                </em>
              </em>
            </em>
          </em>
        </em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>

“Did you tell that smart bloke?”
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>
          <em>
            <em>
              <em>
                <em>
                  <em>
                    <em>
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                                <em></em>
                              </em>
                            </em>
                          </em>
                        </em>
                      </em>
                    </em>
                  </em>
                </em>
              </em>
            </em>
          </em>
        </em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
The world will end before you forget he just called Tony Stark <em>bloke<em>.
</em></em></p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>
          <em>
            <em>
              <em>
                <em>
                  <em>
                    <em>
                      <em>
                        <em>
                          <em>
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                                    <em></em>
                                  </em>
                                </em>
                              </em>
                            </em>
                          </em>
                        </em>
                      </em>
                    </em>
                  </em>
                </em>
              </em>
            </em>
          </em>
        </em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
“I did, but I called her <em>jättekvinna<em>, not Jotun or <em>jötunn<em>. He was more aggravated over my use of Swedish and Norse terminology than anything else.”
</em></em></em></em></p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>
          <em>
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              <em>
                <em>
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                    <em>
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                        <em>
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                                        </em>
                                      </em>
                                    </em>
                                  </em>
                                </em>
                              </em>
                            </em>
                          </em>
                        </em>
                      </em>
                    </em>
                  </em>
                </em>
              </em>
            </em>
          </em>
        </em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
“Then why are you speaking English with me?”
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>
          <em>
            <em>
              <em>
                <em>
                  <em>
                    <em>
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                        <em>
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                                          <em></em>
                                        </em>
                                      </em>
                                    </em>
                                  </em>
                                </em>
                              </em>
                            </em>
                          </em>
                        </em>
                      </em>
                    </em>
                  </em>
                </em>
              </em>
            </em>
          </em>
        </em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
You pause to stare at him in disbelief. “Because you’ve been speaking English with me! No one here knows Swedish; I’m not used to speaking anything else here.”
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
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                                        </em>
                                      </em>
                                    </em>
                                  </em>
                                </em>
                              </em>
                            </em>
                          </em>
                        </em>
                      </em>
                    </em>
                  </em>
                </em>
              </em>
            </em>
          </em>
        </em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
“Fair enough. So, stop speaking English.” He flashes you a mischievous grin. “This will be our secret language.”
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>
          <em>
            <em>
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                                        </em>
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                            </em>
                          </em>
                        </em>
                      </em>
                    </em>
                  </em>
                </em>
              </em>
            </em>
          </em>
        </em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
“Dude, Thor knows as much Swedish and Old Norse as you.”
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>
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                            </em>
                          </em>
                        </em>
                      </em>
                    </em>
                  </em>
                </em>
              </em>
            </em>
          </em>
        </em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
“Well, Thor’s not here, is he?”
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>
          <em>
            <em>
              <em>
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Argumenting with Loki is as exhausting as bickering with mr. Stark. You only lose energy and precious time, and you have no more left of either to continue the conversation.
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“Where are you going, dear? We still have so much to talk about!”
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You let yourself fall onto the bed. “Like you fucking a Giant?” The icy silence that follows makes you smile, until you remember he’s served worse revenge for less.
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  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Loki’s the god of mischief. Don’t make him angry.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The next day starts with Loki cheerfully waking you at the crack of dawn. You try swatting at him, making him, in revenge, grab your covers and pulls them off you.</p>
<p>“What in the nine realms!” you shout. “Damn you, Loki. It’s not even four in the morning!”</p>
<p>He grins. “I know! Time for sightseeing.”</p>
<p>“What?” you ask. When he ignores you, you ask again, “What?!”</p>
<p>“First, we should eat breakfast, then—” he turns to look at you, “—do you think I can borrow your bathroom?—then, afterwards, you will show me around so I don’t have to get lost.”</p>
<p>You put your feet on the ground and rub your tired eyes. “Who died and made you king?”</p>
<p>Loki look at you. His mask of indifference is back. “My father.” He laughs at your horrified face. “Oh, I am so going to like spending time with you.”</p>
<p>You silently wonder how hard it would be to kill him. Then you realise something. “Where the hell did you sleep?”</p>
<p>He points at your sofa. “Where else? They haven’t prepared a room yet.”</p>
<p>* * * * *

* * *

* * * * *</p>
<p>By some miracle, you make it to the kitchen without falling asleep. Loki chats away throughout the walk and doesn’t stop even after you’ve arrived.</p>
<p>“What do you serve here? Is it better than prison food?”</p>
<p>That wakes you up. “Prison?”</p>
<p>He raises an eyebrow in disappointment. “Where do you think I spent my time till now? A vacation resort?” He pauses when he sees your wide eyes. “You… honestly did not know?”</p>
<p>“Why would I?!” you hiss. “I don’t ask Thor about you—it’s a sore topic. Jesus.”</p>
<p>“My name is Loki.” At your deadpan expression, he snickers. “You make this too easy, dear.”</p>
<p>“Don’t call me that.”</p>
<p>“Then what should I call you?”</p>
<p>“By my name?”</p>
<p>“Why should I have to learn that?”</p>
<p>You drop an egg in the frying pan and curse. You throw it in the trash and clean the pan before trying again. “Your narcissism knows no bounds, does it?”</p>
<p>Loki cocks his head to the side. “It was an honest question.”</p>
<p>You throw a quick glance his way. “Seriously?”</p>
<p>He nods. “You are like ants, why should I care about your individuality?”</p>
<p>There’s no reasoning with madmen, you already discovered that on the first day as an intern.<br/>
“What are you making?”</p>
<p>“<em>Äggmacka<em>,” you reply without thinking.</em></em></p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>“Sounds delicious, but… I’m vegan.”</em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>You look up at him. “Vegan? Aw, shite.” You make two egg sandwiches for yourself before putting down two new slices of bread, cheese flavoured yeast, spinach leaves, chia seeds and hummus on the counter.</em>
  </em>
</p>
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    <em>“Is that for me?” he asks, suspicion dripping from his voice.</em>
  </em>
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    <em>You nod. “A friend taught me how to make this. It’s honestly the tastiest sandwich I’ve ever eaten. She’s vegan, so no worries.”</em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>“Hm.”</em>
  </em>
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    <em>You serve him his breakfast and sit on the farthest side of the kitchen island. He smirks, but you ignore him.</em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
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    <em>“Do you always eat alone?”</em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>“Why do you ask?”</em>
  </em>
</p>
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  <em>
    <em>“I have nothing better to do.”</em>
  </em>
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    <em>You gulp down your milk and stand up. “We usually eat together, but not at half past four. The others won’t wake up until at least six.”</em>
  </em>
</p>
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    <em>“How come you are so much younger than anyone else here?”</em>
  </em>
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    <em>You take Loki’s empty plate and wash it. “Because I started as an intern. Mr. Stark was pleasantly surprised by my inventions during the Manhattan attack and promoted me. Now I’m an Avenger.”</em>
  </em>
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    <em>At the mention of Manhattan, Loki looks away.</em>
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    <em>The two of you walk back to your quarters and you show him the bathroom. You’re surprised to learn he’s never used a shower before.</em>
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    <em>“Aren’t you super technically advanced?” you ask in surprise.</em>
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</p>
<p>
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    <em>“Yeah, well, some traditions stay.”</em>
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    <em>You wrinkle your nose. “I hate baths.”</em>
  </em>
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    <em>“Why?”</em>
  </em>
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    <em>“They take too long. A shower is quick and saves time.”</em>
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    <em>Loki curiously peer down at you, not paying attention to your instructions.</em>
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    <em>“Listen to me, or we’ll be stuck here all day,” you finally snap. “You turn this to get the water flowing, turn this to control the temperature… I know you’re staring at me.”</em>
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    <em>“Yes, because you are peculiar.”</em>
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    <em>You blow away a strand of hair from your face. “There’s nothing peculiar about me. Now, do you understand or do I have to babysit you while you shower?”</em>
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    <em>He looks at you in surprise. “You want to watch me shower?”</em>
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    <em>“… Was that all you heard? And no, I don’t. I’ll go blind.”</em>
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    <em>He laughs. “I understand your instructions.”</em>
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    <em>“Good,” you say and walk out the door. “There’s towels in the third door to the left!” You open the door and immediately scream as you slip on ice.</em>
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    <em>Loki grins. “Be mindful of your steps, dear, or you might crack open that pretty head of yours.”</em>
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    <em>You turn to glare daggers at him. “You. This is war.”</em>
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    <em>His smile turns evil. “Then let the battle begin.”</em>
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    <em>* * * * *

* * *

* * * * *</em>
  </em>
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<p>
He got you first, but you almost get him the second time. He’s not amused to find his clothes gone and exchanged for a bright pink t-shirt and ripped jeans. Walking around the base looking like a rainbow puked on him is far below his usual dress code, so he decides being nice is out of the question. Without as much as a word, the hideous outfit turns back into his Asgardian attire.
</p>
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“No fair!” you pout as you stand inside the elevator. “FRIDAY, to the highest floor, please.”
</p>
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<em>“Understood.”</em></p>
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“What’s on the highest floor?” Loki ask curiously.
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You glance at him. “Mr. Stark’s ‘imagination room’.”
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“Pardon?”
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“It’s his office, or private garage, or his mad scientist room. He calls it ‘imagination room’, and I call it all of the above.”
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He chuckles. “Is that where you spoke yesterday?”
</p>
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“Yes, that is correct.”
</p>
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“Then why are we here?” he ask as the elevator pings and opens the doors. He follows you through the guided tour of the surprisingly empty room.
</p>
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“Because you obviously only want to see the important stuff.”
</p>
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He scoffs. “What a surprise, the mighty Avengers doesn’t trust me.”
</p>
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<p>
You fake offense. “But lord Loki, how could I? You buried my friends alive and squashed them under all that rubble. How can I dare to trust you?”
</p>
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  <em></em>
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<p>
Loki glares at you before smoothing his features into a controlled smile. “Call me that again.”
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
“Call you what?”
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
“‘Lord Loki’.”
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
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<p>
You take a deep breath and turn to point at the panorama windows. “The view is marvelous.”
</p>
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  <em></em>
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<p>
“Don’t think I didn’t notice you changing the topic.”
</p>
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You snort.
</p>
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<p>
The two of you move on to the floor below, which is where Thor and Hawkeye live. Loki seems not at all interested and you move on to the next. After taking a look at where everyone lives, and making sure Loki knows the way to the shared living room and kitchen, you move on to the training grounds, the gyms and briefly tell him the weaponry’s approximate location. Don’t want him to find himself new toys to kill them with in their sleep.<br/>
You show him around the outside, and note how he looks at the water. Curious, you take him to the docks. He looks down into the water and checks himself out.
</p>
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  <em></em>
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<p>
“You really do like yourself, don’t you?”
</p>
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  <em></em>
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<p>
Without a word, he takes your hand and throws you into the cold lake.
</p>
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  <em></em>
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You breach the surface, sputtering water and coughing, and look up at him, shouting profanities.
</p>
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  <em></em>
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<p>
With eyes as cold as ice, Loki stands before you, looking at you with hatred. Without a word, he disappears, literally, leaving you treading water.
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
 “Honestly screw you, jerk!” you shout.
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  <em></em>
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  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>You and Loki share the most honest conversation as of yet.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The elevator takes you straight to your floor, and you muster up all your will not to burst out of it and kick open your door. You ignore Loki, who’s gotten a hold of a book, and march straight to the bathroom. You shower, wrap a towel around you and crack open the door. Loki is still reading, not paying you any mind.</p><p>Good. If he does, you’ll smack him so hard he flies back to Asgard.</p><p>You walk over to the wardrobe and roam around it when you hear a quiet hiss. You look at Loki who is now staring at you with a mixed expression.</p><p>“What?” you growl. “If you don’t like it, then leave!”</p><p>He goes back to his book.</p><p>“What are you, mute?” you whisper to yourself and choose a pair of shorts and a t-shirt too big for you.</p><p>“How about lunch? I’m feeling a bit hungry,” Loki says from the couch.</p><p>“How about I choke you for that dirty trick?”</p><p>He laughs. “My dear, in war there’s no such thing as dirty tricks. All bets are off.”</p><p>“Ah, I forgot how old you are. Of course you’ve fought wars.”</p><p>He shrugs. “Not really, but I have fought in and won many battles.”</p><p>“Last I checked, Thor was the winner.”</p><p>He flinches. “I don’t remember you being an expert on my life. But considering everything you know about my mythological self…” He gives you a nasty glare and stands up. “Hungry?”</p><p>You are, but you almost deny it just to make him suffer. But there’s no reason trying to win this if you also have to hurt.</p><p>“Let’s go.”</p><p>* * * * *</p><p>* * *</p><p>* * * * *</p><p>Cap is the first to break the silence. “So, how’s it going?”</p><p>“Kindly don’t ever talk to me again,” you say sweetly while cooking some soup.</p><p>“Thank you for taking care of my brother,” Thor says.</p><p>Loki, who’s sitting on the kitchen island, rolls his eyes. Thor glares at him in return. </p><p>“It’s so quiet in here,” Loki remarks, ignoring Thor’s warning looks. “Where are all the rest?”</p><p>“Out on missions,” Cap replies. “Thank you,” he says when you hand him a bowl. “Do you feel comfortable, Loki?”</p><p>“Well, of course. I can move more than a few meters, and there’s fresh air.” For added effect, he takes a deep breath. “I can smell it. Freedom.”</p><p>Natasha gives him a wary eye. “How is that room coming along?” she asks no one in particular.</p><p>“According to Stark, it’ll be finished tomorrow,” Cap replies and hands her some butter. “This is delicious.”</p><p>“Good,” you say while putting Loki’s portion in front of him. “It’s vegan,” you add when he inspects it. “I’m not that petty.”</p><p>“Thank the stars,” Loki sarcastically says. “I thought I had to resort to eating dirt.”</p><p>You remember what he said about prison and wince. You take your plate and go sit by the others, leaving Loki alone.</p><p>Afterwards, Cap drags you to the corner to speak privately. “Is everything all right between you two?”</p><p>“Uh, no. Why would it be? I loathe the guy. He killed Xiaoli!”</p><p>“Can you do this, or does Thor have to take him with him?”</p><p>You grimace and refuse to look at him. “I can do it. Just leave.”</p><p>Cap takes a step back but doesn’t stop looking at you. “If there’s any problems, call me.”</p><p>“Yes, father.”</p><p>He shakes his head and leaves. When he passes Loki and Thor, the god of mischief looks over at you. You give him a tired look and follow Cap out the kitchen.</p><p>* * * * *</p><p>* * *</p><p>* * * * *</p><p>“What do you usually do when bored?” Loki asks a few hours later. You’ve been cooped up in your room, you on your bed and him on the couch. “TV is boring and your books… are questionable.”</p><p>“Don’t hate on my taste,” you warn without taking your eyes off your sketchbook.</p><p>“Come on, there must be something more entertaining than hormonal teenagers saving the world while worrying about cruches.”</p><p>“True,” you agree. “I also love adult fantasy and historical dramas. I just love magic, is all. What’s wrong with that?” You look up when he doesn’t reply. “Loki?”</p><p>He blinks rapidly a few times to gather his bearings. “You like magic?”</p><p>You frown but nod. “Yes. Elves, witches, fantasy worlds and so on. Didn’t you understand that from looking at my bookshelves?”</p><p>“Yes, but…” He looks at your collection. “Fighting with magic is different from fighting without it.”</p><p>You laugh and try to hide it with a cough. “Say that again, but slower.”</p><p>He glowers at you.</p><p>“Fine, sorry.” You put your sketchbook away and lay on your stomach. “It’s not an underhand method, if that’s what you’re thinking about.” By the way he cringes, your guess is right. “Loki, you have a wonderful ability. It would be a waste not to use it to defend yourself. Asgard is full with vikings and warriors, and they use raw strength, right? That’s why Thor’s so popular. But you, you have the ability to fight outside the box. It’s just unfortunate that you’ve been brought up in a culture where magic is unusual, and therefore seen as a sign of being weak.”</p><p>“How?” He turns to cross his arms above the couch. “How did you come to that conclusion?”</p><p>“There aren’t many Asgardians in Norse mythology that know magic. That I remember, at least.” You look at his hands. “And Loki? You’re shaking.”</p><p>His hands disappear behind the couch and he lays down to hide.</p><p>“You’re not weak,” you finish your speech. “You’re just different.”</p><p>“And that’s not bad?” he asks quietly.</p><p>“It is. The world is cruel to the ones that cannot adapt. But, if you’re lucky, you’ll find people to support and help you with that. You obviously learned how to use magic. I’d call that adapting, at least somewhat.”</p><p>“Not in Asgard.”</p><p>You roll over to your back. “If Asgard is still stuck in olden times, then there’s no helping it. Be yourself, but do it smartly.”</p><p>“How?”</p><p>“Prove without a shadow of a doubt that you matter.”</p><p>He sits up again to look at you. “I already did, and I failed.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Congrats, you have horrible nightmares (also spoilers for ATLA and LOK).</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Clarification: ATLA = Avatar: the Last Airbender; LOK = Legend of Korra</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>That night, you wake up screaming. Someone’s holding your shoulders and you go into panic-mode and flail your arms around. Your hand hits the stranger in the face and they curse. You calm down when you recognise the voice.</p><p>“Loki?” you sob. “Is that you?” Your hand grabs his arm and he pulls away. “I-I’m so sorry. So sorry. Sorry. I’m sorry. I-I did-didn’t m-mean to… didn’t mean to hurt you.”</p><p>“If you think that will leave a mark, you are sorely mistaken.”</p><p>Loki crawls closer and sits down by your side. He looks down at you and you look up into his face, though you can barely see it.</p><p>“You were screaming.”</p><p>“Nightmare,” you whisper. “Forget it.”</p><p>He shakes his head. “You did something similar last night.”</p><p>“What?”</p><p>He tells you you were moaning and talking in your sleep all night. “I can’t have you be like this; I won’t be able to sleep.”</p><p>“Your room will be finished tomorrow,” you reply weakly.</p><p>He sneers at you. “Have you seen that place? It’s a prison. I would rather sleep here than set a foot in there.”</p><p>You don’t question how he knows this.</p><p>“Do you often have trouble sleeping?” Loki asks in a hushed tone.</p><p>You nod. “Ever since Manhattan.”</p><p>“I see.” He doesn’t say anything for a while. “Is it your friends?”</p><p>“Yes.”</p><p>None of you say anything for several long minutes.</p><p>“Loki?”</p><p>“Yes, dear?”</p><p>“I didn’t ask if it would leave a mark, I asked if it hurt.”</p><p>You think you see him smile in agony, but can’t be sure. “I am fine. Go back to sleep. I will not bother you this late.”</p><p>“You didn’t bother me. You saved me. And Loki, are you lying to yourself, or me?”</p><p>* * * * *</p><p>* * *</p><p>* * * * *</p><p>The following week follows a similar pattern. Loki wakes you up before dawn just to aggravate you, and for the rest of the day you play your version of cat-and-mouse, trying to prank each other. Loki gets you with the ice all the time, but you set up a trap in the kitchen and dump a bucket of freezing water over his head.</p><p>During the nights, you’ve silently agreed for peace. Loki still sleeps on your couch, refusing to set foot in his own quarters, and wakes you up every time you have a nightmare. He always sits by your side until you fall asleep again.</p><p>One day, you sit in your study, trying to figure out which blueprint for your new gloves is most effective, when the doors open behind you.</p><p><em>“Mr. Loki is entering,”</em> FRIDAY announces.</p><p>You glance at him. “This is a safe haven. Touch anything and I will rip out your intestines.”</p><p>Loki scrunches up his nose in disgust. “Why would you say such a thing on such a fantastic day like this?”</p><p>“Okay, what do you want?” you sigh and put away your pen.</p><p>Loki leans against a workbench and crosses his arms. “I am bored. Entertain me.”</p><p>“Go play sudoku or something.”</p><p>“I don’t know what that is,” he says. “Do you ever leave this compound?”</p><p>“I do go out for a jog.”</p><p>“Since when?”</p><p>You give him the stinky-eye. “Since before you decided to fuck with my schedule.”</p><p>He cocks his head to the side and smiles. “I see. Then I will discontinue. In return, take me with you.”</p><p>“When I jog?” you clarify. “Why?”</p><p>“Are you deaf? I am <em>bored<em>,</em></em> anything is better than staying inside.”</p><p>You stand up and stretch your back. “Sounds like you’re about to crawl on the walls. Fine, let’s go to the city. We can eat lunch, go sightseeing and even go shopping.”</p><p>“You do know you have to pay for everything, right?” Loki says and follows after you.</p><p>“Figures. But don’t worry, I make a fortune from my inventions. I have Tony Stark backing me up, after all. FRIDAY, to the garage, please.”</p><p>
  <em>“Understood.” </em>
</p><p>Loki glances at you, curiosity written all over his face. “Why so polite towards a robot? It doesn’t have feelings.”</p><p>You shrug. “I always say ‘please’. I was raised to be polite. Weren’t you?”</p><p>Loki looks at the elevator doors, his mind somewhere else. “Guess I was.”</p><p>“Seems like you didn’t take it to heart.”</p><p>He nods, and you stay silent until you get to the garage.</p><p>“Can you drive?” you ask him and unlock your car.</p><p>Loki looks at the vehicle. “Asgardian ships, yes. Midgardian machines? No.”</p><p>You start the car and drive off.</p><p>The two of you walk around Manhattan, looking at clothes shops, interesting buildings and stop to eat crepes for lunch.</p><p>Loki is much calmer now that he’s out of the compound, and you remind yourself to look up more interesting things to see in New York.</p><p>“Gah!” you shout and throw your crepes on the ground. “Why’d you do that?”</p><p>Loki laughs his ass off. “Don’t tell me you are afraid of bugs?”</p><p>You curse in Swedish. “I’m not, but worms in my food isn’t exactly pleasant. Also, you destroyed a completely fine crepes! How dare you?”</p><p>He keeps chuckling and hands you his own crepes. “All right, I was in the wrong. No more tampering with food.”</p><p>You eye him suspiciously, but don’t take his food. “You promise?”</p><p>“I do.” He bite into his crepes. “This is delicious.”</p><p>“Screw you."</p><p>* * * * *</p><p>* * *</p><p>* * * * *</p><p>The trip comes to an end and you drive back home. Loki complains in your taste in music, but you ignore him until he changes radio station. You hit him on the hand and turns it off completely.</p><p>When you get back to the garage, you ask a security guard to get all your bags to your room. You and Loki take the elevator to the living room.</p><p>Loki sits down in the sofa and slumps while you go to the kitchen to make popcorn. When you come back, he’s asleep.</p><p>You stand in front of him and look at his face. It’s more relaxed now, and he looks younger than your estimated guess of twenty-five. Now he almost looks younger than you.</p><p>You remember Thor telling you Asgardians aren’t gods, that they just live longer than humans. Depending on how old they can become and how old Loki is, maybe he’s not considered as old as you thought.</p><p>Pushing those thoughts to the back of your mind, you turn on the TV and start rewatching <em>Avatar: The Last Airbender<em> for the millionth time. </em></em></p><p>Loki wakes up in time to hear Zuko rant about being exiled. “Oh dear, that hair style does not suit him.”</p><p>You snort loudly. “True, but it gets better in later seasons.”</p><p>He sits up straight and squints at the screen. “What is this?”</p><p>“A cartoon.”</p><p>“Is it good?”</p><p>You quickly summarise the general story and Loki decides to snatch some popcorn and watch it with you. A few episodes in and he’s already invested.</p><p>When general Jiao is taken by the Moon Spirit, Loki frowns. “Is he dead?” he hesitantly asks.</p><p>“No, but he was taken to the spirit world and is forever trapped there.”</p><p>“How do you know that?”</p><p>“There’s a spin-off, called <em>Legend of Korra<em>, about the avatar after Aang. In one episode, Aang’s children travel to the spirit world and meet him,” you explain. </em></em></p><p>“Wait, he’s dead?”</p><p>You grimace. “Yeah. He died and Korra was born.”</p><p>His frown deepens, but he doesn’t say anything.</p><p>You start the second season and lean back, placing a pillow in your lap.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Loki’s more bothered than you think.</p>
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    <p>Loki cringes when your sleeping body lean against him. His skin starts to creep and he tries to push you away, but is afraid it will wake you and gives up.</p>
<p>A few episodes into the second season, Loki looks at you. He wonders how you can sleep so comfortably in his presence, despite your war. Aren’t you afraid he’ll do something? Turn you into a mouse and conjure up a cat?</p>
<p>He is your enemy, yet you fall asleep on his shoulder. How odd isn’t that?</p>
<p>His attention turns back to the show. He smiles a sad smile and laughs quietly. “You’re missing the good stuff,” he whispers before leaning his head on yours. “Just this one time.”</p>
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<p>After the morning jog, the two of you eat breakfast together. You stay silent throughout, bothered by having fallen asleep on Loki’s shoulder.</p>
<p>You take turns showering and you ask what he wants to do today.</p>
<p>“I don’t know, what do you usually do?” he replies with a solemn expression.</p>
<p>“I’m often in my study, sketching.”</p>
<p>“What do you sketch?”</p>
<p>“Suits, weaponry, gear. Things that’ll help in tricky situations.”</p>
<p>Loki nods absentmindedly. “We can do that.”</p>
<p>You don’t ask what he means by that and take him to the study. You sit at your sketching table while he’s by your desk, reading one of your books.</p>
<p>A few hours go by before Loki give up on the generic plot and walks up to you and leans over your shoulder. “Interesting concept. What’s it for?”</p>
<p>“My gauntlets.”</p>
<p>He looks surprised. “What are they for?”</p>
<p>“Fighting, duh.”</p>
<p>He rolls his eyes. “Obviously.”</p>
<p>You sigh. “I use them when fighting. I don’t leave without them.”</p>
<p>He looks down at your already covered hands. “I have noticed. How come?”</p>
<p>“Trade secret.”</p>
<p>He grins. “Oh dear, you don’t consider us partners?”</p>
<p>“<em>Öh<em>, no. You’re an Asgardian prisoner and I’m… a superhero.”</em></em></p><p>
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<p>Tension fills the air and Loki silently leaves the room. You regret opening your mouth, but recognise you have a point. You're not partners, but a prisoner and his guard. You’re a superhero and he’s a supervillain. Or did he forget he blew half of Manhattan to kingdom come and tried to enslave humanity?</p>
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<p>You open the door to your room and your jaw drops. The room is disgustingly bright pink, with balloons covering the floor. Decorations of butterflies, dragons and frogs hang from the ceiling, the bathroom door, the entrance where you stand and even the TV.</p>
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<p>“What the fuck?” you can’t help but say. “LOKI!”</p>
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<p>You run all around the base to smash his head in, but give up after realising he’s gone into hiding and won’t come out. Cursing again, you stalk back to your room and begin to clean away the balloons. You shout profanities to the heavens once you discover the confetti underneath.</p>
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<p>It’s past dinner time when Loki returns to the room. You’re sitting by your computer desk, scrolling through the news, when you hear the door open.</p>
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<p>“I thought you would be done by now,” Loki comments with a sneer and kicks a balloon.</p>
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<p>“Yeah, I gave up.” You close the laptop and turn to look him in the eye. “Was it fun watching me suffer?”</p>
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<p>He grins evilly. “Oh, definitely. You make this too easy, dear.” He leans against the wall. “Are you skipping dinner?”</p>
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<p>“If you’re hungry, go eat by yourself.”</p>
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<p>“I have gotten tired of that, and I never learned how to cook.”</p>
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<p>You’re taken aback by his statement. “Pardon? Really?” At his nod, you feel a pang of pity. “Fine, let’s go grab something.”</p>
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<p>Neither of you say a word throughout the drive. When you get to the store, Loki grabs your shoulder. You give him a confused look, but he shakes his head and motions for you to keep going. You take a grocery bag and go straight to the vegan and vego section.</p>
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<p>“Mommy, look, an Avenger!” a boy whisper-shouts and points at you.</p>
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<p>His mother gives you one look and smiles. “Why not go say hi?”</p>
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<p>The boy walks up to you and smiles brightly. “I’m Billy! You saved my life.”</p>
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<p>You figure out he’s talking about Manhattan. “I’m glad you’re all right, Billy. Thank you for being so brave.”</p>
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<p>He giddly jumps around. “Is that a friend?” he asks and looks at Loki. The boy pales. “Mommy! Mommy!” He starts crying and runs back to his mother, wailing and point at Loki.</p>
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<p>His confused mother glares at Loki and gasps. “It’s you! You killed my husband!”</p>
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<p>You curse yourself for not thinking about this. Of course people would recognise him.</p>
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<p>“I-I’m sorr—”</p>
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<p>“Don’t you dare!” the woman shouts and throws a tomato at him. He lets it hit him in the chest. “You destroyed our home, you scumbag! Why are you back here?” She turns her attention to you. “Why haven’t you killed him?”</p>
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<p>“He’s being evaluated,” you say calmly.</p>
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<p>“He’s a psychopath and mass murderer! How dare you let him out here?”</p>
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<p>“I wasn’t the one to make that call,” you snap. “I was ordered by the higher-ups to look after him until his visit here ends. There’s nothing more to it.”</p>
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<p>You clench your fists. “Amanda and the other died, yes, that’s true, but I have an obligation to S.H.I.E.L.D. and the Avengers. If I disobey them because of a personal vendetta, then I’m no better than the villains I fight.”</p>
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<p>“Yeah, sod off!” someone else shouts. “He shouldn’t be here! Kill him for what he did.”</p>
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<p>“I want my son back!”</p>
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<p>“Gimme back my family!”</p>
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<p>“You put my sister in coma!”</p>
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<p>You push Loki away from the angry mob, but there’s nowhere to hide as they have already surrounded you.</p>
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<p>Without warning, Loki embraces you and you feel the floor disappearing. Before you can react, you’re back in your room.</p>
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<p>“Teleportation,” you say in awe. “Of course you can teleport.”</p>
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<p>Loki lays down on the couch. You hurry after him and see him shaking. “Åh, vännen,” you whisper and sit down in front of him. </p>
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<p>“Don’t TOUCH ME!” he screams and pushes you so hard your back hits the wall. “I’m sorry,” he whispers and hides his face. “I’m so sorry.”</p>
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  <em>“You need this. Thor needs this. And I think I’m speaking for all of us when I say we need this.”<em> You remember these words from mr. Stark and stand up. You realise Loki is the one that needs this the most.</em></em>
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<p>“Do you want me to leave, or do you want me to stay?”</p>
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<p>“Stay.”</p>
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<p>You point at the armchair. “Can I sit there?” You go get a pen and your sketchbook and sit down in the chair.</p>
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<p>“Are there any funny legends about me?” Loki asks after a while.</p>
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<p>You put down the pen and nod at him. “I don’t remember the beginning, but the Frost Giants get their hands on Mjölnir. One of them, the leader, will only give it back if Freja agrees to marry him. Of course, she doesn’t, so Thor dresses up as the bride and you as his bridesmaid.”</p>
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<p>Loki gives you a horrified look. “How do you know about that?”</p>
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<p>You choke on your own spit. “Excuse me?”</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em></em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em></em>
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</p>
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<p>He sits up. “How in the nine realms did that story get here?”</p>
<p>
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    <em></em>
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</p>
<p>
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    <em></em>
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    <em></em>
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<p>You stare at him and a bubbly, half-hysterical laugh escapes your lips. “You actually did it? For real? What the… Ha, what?”</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em></em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em></em>
  </em>
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    <em></em>
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    <em></em>
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</p>
<p>His face turns red. “It’s not funny! Gah, forget I asked.”</p>
<p>
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    <em></em>
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</p>
<p>
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<p>“Nooo, nononono, no, don’t be like that.” You leave the chair to kneel before him. “Loki, I wasn’t laughin at you, I was laughing at the fact it was true! I figured some details were off, I mean, you don’t have children, and you’re a virgin—”</p>
<p>
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    <em></em>
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</p>
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    <em></em>
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</p>
<p>“How— What— Who told you that?” he asks, offended.</p>
<p>
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<p>“Thor.”</p>
<p>
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    <em></em>
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</p>
<p>
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</p>
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</p>
<p>
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</p>
<p>“And you take his words for it?”</p>
<p>
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    <em></em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
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    <em></em>
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<p>You shrug. It’s not like you have any other reliable sources. “Is he wrong?” You gape when he doesn’t deny it.</p>
<p>
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    <em></em>
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</p>
<p>“Stop laughing at me,” he groans and hides beneath the duvet.</p>
<p>
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    <em></em>
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</p>
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    <em></em>
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</p>
<p>You do as he says and looks at him in remorse. “You know what? I surrender.”</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em></em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
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    <em></em>
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</p>
<p>He peeks at you. “Pardon?”</p>
<p>
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    <em></em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
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    <em></em>
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</p>
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<p>
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</p>
<p>“I surrender; you win. You win our game of… whatever it is we’re doing. I’m not going to fight you anymore.”</p>
<p>
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    <em></em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
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</p>
<p>“Why?”</p>
<p>
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<p>“Honestly?” you ask, your body suddenly tired. “Because I realised something about you.” You smile at him. “How about getting some ice cream and popcorn and watch <em>Howl’s Moving Castle<em>?”</em></em></p>
<p>
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</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>“What’s that?”</em>
  </em>
</p>
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</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>“A Studio Ghibli film, and one I love dearly. I can recite it both in English, Swedish and Japanese.”</em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
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    <em></em>
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<p>
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    <em>He looks mildly impressed. “Why?”</em>
  </em>
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    <em>“Because I’ve seen it that many times in all those languages. I have the books, too. I’ll lend them to you.” You stand up and walk to the door. “Stay there, I’ll get the ice cream.”</em>
  </em>
</p>
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  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Your relationship is improving.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>From that day on, your fights turn into playful pranks. Sometimes you wake up with live animal in your bed, sometimes the cereal is an illusion. In rare cases, you surprise Loki by having turned off the warm water in the bathroom.</p><p>You still don’t talk much, especially not about the grocery incident or Manhattan, but he does ask you about Sweden and your life there. But mostly he asks about the legends.</p><p>When Cap, mr. Stark and the others come home, they’re surprised to see you and Loki in the living room, watching <em>Supernatural<em> and arguing about who is the best character, Sam or Castiel. You’ve already agreed you both like Dean.</em></em></p>
<p>
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    <em></em>
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</p><p>“What happened while we were gone?” Cap asks and looks between the two of you. “Are you friends now?”</p><p>
  <em>
    <em></em>
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</p><p>You and Loki make eye contact. “Me, friends with a mortal?” He laughs. “No, but we have come to an agreement.”</p><p>
  <em>
    <em></em>
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</p><p>“So that’s why you’re rubbing shoulders, eh?” mr. Stark remarks and walk past you into the kitchen. “At least the world hasn’t ended yet.”</p><p>
  <em>
    <em></em>
  </em>
</p><p>You feel Loki freeze and put your hand on his knee. He avoids looking at you but smiles gratefully.</p><p>
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    <em></em>
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</p><p>“Brother, can I speak with you?” Thor asks. “In private?”</p><p>
  <em>
    <em></em>
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</p><p>Loki sighs in resignation. “I’ll be back shortly, my dear,” he tells you before following after Thor.</p><p>
  <em>
    <em></em>
  </em>
</p><p>Clint and Natasha follow them with their gazes. When they’re gone, the duo follows mr. Stark into the kitchen. Dr. Banner looks between you and Cap and asks Wanda if she’s hungry before hurrying away.</p><p>
  <em>
    <em></em>
  </em>
</p><p>“You are so rude,” you say and cross your arms. “What’s up with the lot of you?”</p><p>
  <em>
    <em></em>
  </em>
</p><p>Cap puts a hand on his waist. “What’s up with us? What’s up with you? Did Loki bewitch you?”</p><p>
  <em>
    <em></em>
  </em>
</p><p>You frown angrily. “What’s that supposed to mean? And for the record, he didn’t. I’m perfectly fine, it’s just that I realised something important.”</p><p>
  <em>
    <em></em>
  </em>
</p><p>Cap nods. “I see. I’ll believe you.”</p><p>
  <em>
    <em></em>
  </em>
</p><p>“Thanks. Oh, and I have a question.” You look away in shame, though you don’t understand why <em>you<em> should feel guilty. “The biggest reason you decided I’d be his babysitter was because I love Norse mythology, isn’t it?”</em></em></p><p>
  <em>
    <em></em>
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</p><p>
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    <em></em>
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</p><p>Cap purses his lips together in a thin line.</p><p>
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    <em></em>
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</p><p>
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</p><p>
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</p><p>You close your eyes and take a deep breath. “I know I shouldn’t be hurt, but I am. You couldn’t even tell me the truth.”</p><p>
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    <em></em>
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</p><p>
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</p><p>“Please,” Cap begs, but you silence him.</p><p>
  <em>
    <em></em>
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</p><p>
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</p><p>
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</p><p>“Mr. Stark asked me how powerful Loki is in the legends. He also said Loki could become an ally.”</p><p>
  <em>
    <em></em>
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</p><p>
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    <em></em>
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</p><p>
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    <em></em>
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</p><p>“You don’t want that?”</p><p>
  <em>
    <em></em>
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</p><p>
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</p><p>
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</p><p>“It’s more like New York doesn’t want it. Loki’s not fit to be an Avenger, Cap. He’s hurt too many.”</p><p>
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</p><p>
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</p><p>* * * * *</p><p>
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</p><p>* * * *</p><p>
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</p><p>
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    <em></em>
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</p><p>* * * * *</p><p>
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</p><p>You’re in the study, finishing the blueprint for one of mr. Stark’s suits, when the door opens and a pissed-off Loki enters. Without a word, he plops down onto the sofa you sometimes nap on, and turn his back to you.</p><p>
  <em>
    <em></em>
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</p><p>
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</p><p>
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</p><p>You keep drawing, waiting for him to calm down enough to tell you what’s wrong.</p><p>
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    <em></em>
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</p><p>
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    <em></em>
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</p><p>
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    <em></em>
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</p><p>“I shouldn’t be here,” he hisses.</p><p>
  <em>
    <em></em>
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</p><p>
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    <em></em>
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</p><p>
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    <em></em>
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</p><p>“No? And why’s that?”</p><p>
  <em>
    <em></em>
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</p><p>
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    <em></em>
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</p><p>
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    <em></em>
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</p><p>“I’m not upset your teammates doesn’t trust me, but Thor? He felt good leaving me with you for a month, but as soon as he sees we can be civil, he takes me to the side and accuses me of spellbinding you.”</p><p>
  <em>
    <em></em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em></em>
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</p><p>
  <em>
    <em></em>
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</p><p>“Funny, that’s what Cap asked me.”</p><p>
  <em>
    <em></em>
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</p><p>
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    <em></em>
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</p><p>
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    <em></em>
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</p><p>He turns to look at you. “Excellent. Marvelous. Maybe I should cause a commotion and—”</p><p>
  <em>
    <em></em>
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</p><p>
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    <em></em>
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    <em></em>
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</p><p>“Loki, shut up.” You walk over to the sofa and kneel. “Don’t let them make you the villain they all think you are. I saw a glimpse of the truth in the grocery store—you’re trying your hardest to be better, aren’t you?”</p><p>
  <em>
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</p><p>He nods and turns around in embarrassment. “It was mother that convinced Odin to release me, and Thor’s to let you guard me.” He laughs hysterically. “My prison was moved from Asgard to here. I’m still stuck and dependent on someone else. This time, it’s a <em>mortal.”</em></p><p>
  <em>
    <em></em>
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</p><p>
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    <em></em>
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    <em></em>
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</p><p>
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    <em></em>
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</p><p>You ignore his derogatory use of the word. “Well then, if that’s how you see it, let’s go do something to get those thoughts out of your mind. Where do you want to go?”</p><p>
  <em>
    <em></em>
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</p><p>
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    <em></em>
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</p><p>
  <em>
    <em></em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em></em>
  </em>
</p><p>He moves, but doesn’t turn around. “I know nothing about Midgardian see-worthy attractions,” he grumble.</p><p>
  <em>
    <em></em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em></em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em></em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em></em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em></em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em></em>
  </em>
</p><p>“Hm, okay. Then how about a road trip?” You smile at him and stand up. “I’ll Google some things to do around the world. We’ll pack some stuff and then you teleport us to wherever we’re going—sounds good?”</p><p>
  <em>
    <em></em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em></em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em></em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em></em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em></em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em></em>
  </em>
</p><p>He hesitates. “We’re doing this, yes?”</p><p>
  <em>
    <em></em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em></em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em></em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em></em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em></em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em></em>
  </em>
</p><p>You nod, though he can’t see it. “Yes. Gimme a few minutes or something to get a plan ready.” You walk over to your laptop and start Googling attractions from all over the world. Loki sits up and looks at you. You don’t see the small, hesitant smile on his lips.</p><p>
  <em>
    <em></em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em></em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em></em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em></em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em></em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em></em>
  </em>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Chapter 8</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>You show Loki the world. Literally.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>The only people you inform about your plans are FRIDAY and Happy Hogan. You inform Happy right before leaving, so he doesn’t have time to get mr. Stark to stop you.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>You first travel to Rome, Italy, where you check yourself into a small hotel. The staff eyes the two of you with confusion written all over their faces as you walk up to your room.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Let’s make use of that secret language you spoke about,” you say in Swedish. “Rome has many tourists, but they’ll be too preoccupied with sightseeing to listen to what we have to say.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Loki puts down his bag and tries the bed. “Where are we going first?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>You grin excitedly. “The Colosseum, the Arch of Titus, Fontana di Trevi, the Pantheon, the Roman forum, Pont Sant'Angelo and the Vatican!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re really looking forward to this, aren’t you?” Loki says and chuckle. “Was this trip for you or me?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Both! You need to get away from all that toxicality and I wanted to come here again.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He looks at you curiously. “You’ve come here before?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>You roll around on your bed and giggle. “Yes, a few years ago with my class. They always takes the third-years to Rome.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Did you go look at all these things?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yep! And then some. We walked everywhere, and some of us got blisters on our blisters. It was a nightmare, but we got to see all of Rome. I’d say the pain was worth it.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Loki frowns. “Don’t tell me </span>
  <em>
    <span>we</span>
  </em>
  <span> are walking everywhere.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No, of course not. I’m not going through that torture again.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Then, will I be teleporting us?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>You shake your head and earn a surprised look from Loki. “We’ll take the bus and tram. It’s risky using your magic in the open like that. We can’t do it all the time.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Seems fair. Are we leaving now, or resting?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What do you feel like doing?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I want to see what’s gotten you so excited.”</span>
</p>
<p>* * * * *<br/>* * *<br/>* * * * *</p>
<p>
  <span>Loki can’t take his eyes off of the cats. There aren’t that many, but still more than he’s ever seen before. They’re climbing the sunken ruins in the middle of the square, sometimes allowing people to pet them, sometimes swatting at them.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s a cat sanctuary,” you say. “We walked past this place whenever we left the hotel.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“There’s so many,” he whispers. “Can I pet one?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>You lean closer to him and whisper, “If you turn into one, I bet you have higher chance.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He nods and walks off into the gathering crowd. A black cat with green eyes appears by your feet a few minutes later, meowing and rubbing against your feet. You pet it before watching it try to interact with the other cats. At first, they’re wary of the newcomer, but after a few tries, Loki manages to play with one.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When he notices you filming him, he rolls onto his back and meows loudly. The crowd goes, “Aw!” and you chuckle.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>After thirty or so minutes, Loki turns back into his human disguise. “That was fun. What’s next?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>You take him to the closest bus station and takes the 64 to Via del Corso, not too far away from Fontana di Trevi. Loki is highly impressed, mostly because of the huge crowd.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We’ll come back at night,” you promise. “It’s even more beautiful then.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>You stop a young couple and asks them to take a picture of you. Loki asks for what purpose and you say it’s for remembering the day.</span>
</p>
<p>* * * * *<br/>* * *<br/>* * * * *</p>
<p>
  <span>“That woman was flirting with me,” Loki says in confusion and hands you your ice cream. “Asked for my number and where I’m from.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What did you say?” You take a large scope of your ice cream and sigh in bliss. There’s nothing like Italian ice cream.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Loki sits down across from you. “What we agreed on: My name’s Tom Hiddleston and I’m from Britain. Though I had to explain why I spoke Swedish with an Avengers member.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>You snort. “As long as you didn’t compromise yourself, it’s fine.” You give him a teasing smile. “So, she flirted with you?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He nods. “Next time, </span>
  <em>
    <span>you’re</span>
  </em>
  <span> ordering the food.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>You laugh and cough when you choke on your ice cream. Loki snickers and offers you his glass of water.</span>
</p>
<p>* * * * *<br/>* * *<br/>* * * * *</p>
<p>
  <span>You take the buss to Forum Romanum and walk along the ruins of once pristine buildings. Loki stops to admire not the ruins, but the flowers that bloom there. You’re the one that stops to take pictures of the walls and columns.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Isn’t it beautiful?” you ask, standing on a slope. “To think these used to be buildings, and that people use to live here.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Loki glances at you. “Gimme that,” he murmurs and takes your phone. He puts his arm around you and hold the phone up. “Am I doing this right?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You are. Press the big white button in the middle.” You flash the camera a big grin. He hands it back to you and you keep smiling when you see the result. “I’m going to print these out and put them in my photo album.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Loki cocks his head to the side. “Why? Is it that enjoyable taking pictures with me?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes, it is,” you say, exchanging surprised looks with him. “This is a pleasant surprise, isn’t it?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It is,” he agrees.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>You keep walking around until you’re positive you’ve seen every inch of the place, and move on to the Arch of Titus.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Loki isn’t even remotely impressed by the huge arch. “I find it adorable, but I’ve seen bigger.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A group of teenagers walking past suddenly burst out laughing. One of them says, “That’s what she said,” and winks at him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He stares at them in utter confusion.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Why are you laughing? Did I say something wrong?” he asks when you also start laughing.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>You hold onto his arm and laugh until you can’t breathe. When you finally compose yourself again, you give him a teasing smile. “It’s a saying. How do I explain this… They interpreted your opinion as something dirty.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He gives you a blank stare. “I don’t see how a comment can be dirty.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>You cover your mouth and try to stop laughing. Asgardians obviously calls this phenomenon something else.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Mortals are weird,” Loki pouts and starts walking. “Where to next?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s a joke about a big penis,” you blurt out.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Loki whips around so fast you almost miss it. “<em>Excuse me</em>?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>You try not to fall into a puddle of laughter and explain to him that something can be interpreted in a sexual way, and that most people have taken to reply with “that’s what he/she said”.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Mortified, Loki turns around without a word and lets you take him to the Colosseum. All the while you marvel at the huge construct and the details of the place, as well as tell him all you know about it, he’s pale-faced and looks confused. You pat him on the back and laugh it off. Loki shakes his head and once again says that mortals are strange.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Chapter 9</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Still in Italy.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>You’re on your way back home when you stop mid-step and accidentally slap Loki in the stomach.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Ah, I’m sorry! I meant to grab you, not punch you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He gently pushes you away and grips his stomach. “And what warranted such a reaction? Certainly not my current disguise. Or do you prefer Tom Hiddleston over Loki?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>You arch a brow. “Are you asking me to compare yourself with yourself?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No, Hiddleston or Loki?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I like your black hair more, though there’s no denying Tom looks good either.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re shallower than I thought. You like my hair?” He drags his fingers through the short brown curls.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Excuse you, Tom Hiddleston is literally you but nicer.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He winces. “So, why did you decide to hit my stomach?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>You bite your tongue, regretting your words. “Loki…”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Tom,” he corrects you. “For now, I’m Tom. Why the sudden violence?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s the Pantheon.” You point at the old Roman temple. “It’s closed now, but the inside’s really beautiful.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s… oblique.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>You smile and shake your head. “It’s old, of course it’s crooked. Nothing lasts forever, not even the ground we walk on.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Surprisingly deep, coming from you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>You look offended. “Excuse you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Thank you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>You glare at him but he shakes it off and laughs.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Let’s go.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He stops you. “Don’t you want to see the inside?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Uh, yes, but it’s closed.” You give him a wary look. “Loki, you’re supposed to be incognito, remember? Reintegration in society, all that schabang. Breaking the law is opposite of that.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He scoffs. “My reward isn’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>that</span>
  </em>
  <span> amazing, you know.” He looks around and drags you to a small alleyway. He whispers something you don’t understand and a sizzling feeling zaps through your body. “Don’t panic,” Loki says. “I’ve cast an invisibility spell on you. As long as you don’t look anyone in the eye, no one will see you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Amazing, but we’re not breaking into the Pantheon.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He smirks at you. “And why not? Scared you’ll get caught?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>You blow him a raspberry. “I’m actually worried about </span>
  <em>
    <span>you</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Why?” he asks, genuinely surprised.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Because you’ll have to go back to prison otherwise, right?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He averts his gaze and chuckles. The smile doesn’t reach his eyes. “I’ll have to go back either way.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>You stop him from leaving the alley. “What does that mean? Loki, look at me. Won’t you be rewarded if you behave for half a year?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He laughs without humour. “My </span>
  <em>
    <span>reward</span>
  </em>
  <span> is more freedom. I get to go out to the gardens for an hour every day if I behave.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>That’s such a lousy reward! He’s stuck here for half a year only to gain one measly hour of freedom a day?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What did you do to deserve such a horrible reward?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He glares at you. “You think I did something?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Loki, honestly, you’re the god of mischief. You lie and deceive and cause chaos for shits and giggles. Yes, I’m thinking you did something to anger Odin.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Why are we here? Huh? You’re no better than them,” he hisses and storms off. He conceals himself from your sight and you groan.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>* * * * *</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>* * *</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>* * * * *</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He’s reading a book when you get back to the hotel. He doesn’t say a word to you when you plop down onto your bed and take off your shoes.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Do you want to eat out?” you ask.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Here’s fine.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>You nod. “Loki? I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He sighs in irritation and glances at you. “If you didn’t mean it, then why did you say it?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Because I spoke before thinking. I… We all have biases against someone, all right? I have an opinion of you from previous encounters, the myths surrounding you and what little Thor has said. So for me, it’s not impossible to think you did something to anger Odin. Am I wrong?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re not, but I still take offence. I’m trying to change for the better, but it’s not exactly easy when no one gives me a chance.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Then I’ll try my best to give you one.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Then start apologising.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>You arch a brow. “Isn’t that what I’ve done?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes, about being biased. I’m still upset about the ‘shits and giggles’ comment.” He gives you a sneer. “I’ve always lived in Thor’s shadow. Didn’t he tell you that? I grew up thinking I was fit to be king, but all Odin ever saw was </span>
  <em>
    <span>him</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Though, ruling isn’t nearly as fun as it sounds. And Thor’s a good fit, I just don’t want to live being compared to him.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re acting out,” you murmur. It makes sense. If Odin is like every other Asgardian and only likes raw strength, he wouldn’t see Loki as capable. Not to mention Loki isn’t even his son, nor is he of Asgard. It doesn’t come as a surprise he favours his biological son. And Loki is left in Thor’s shadow, never given a proper chance to prove himself. “Wow, he’s such a douche.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The corner of Loki’s lips rise into half a smile. “Now you see me.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>You cringe. “No, I don’t. But I’m starting to.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Better that than being invisible.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>You walk over to him. He raises an eyebrow in a silent question. “I definitely like Loki more than Tom. I’ll go order something in the restaurant.” You leave him to contemplate in peace.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Chapter 10</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Forgot to mention you have acrophobia. So, now you know.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>The next day, you visit Castel Sant’Angelo, Museo Napoleonico, Museum Leonardo Da Vinci Experience and the Vatican. Loki isn’t impressed by Sant’Angelo nor the museums, though he do joke about Leonardo Da Vinci being ahead of his time. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>You behave as if everything’s all right, though you do notice him peeking at you from time to time. Worried he still hasn’t forgiven you, you take him to the Vatican and show him St. Peter's Basilica. You explain you can go up to the dome, and he immediately challenges you. You don’t say you’re afraid of heights, just nod and wait in line.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Should we walk all the way or take the elevator?” you ask.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you think you’d survive that many steps?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Honestly speaking? No.” Not to mention you’ll faint if you look back. “I’ll take the elevator.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“All right. I’ll take the stairs, then.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The line separates into right and left, one leading to the elevator and one to the beginning of the stairs. Loki jokingly salutes you and heads inside. You have to wait a few minutes to get into the elevator.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Loki is waiting for you at the top and doesn’t look at all bothered by having walked up however many stairs it must have been.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re a bit pale, darling,” he comments. “You all right?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yep. I’m fine. Let’s go.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It starts off okay, but slowly the stairs gets narrower and narrower. You get to a spiral staircase so small you worry a larger person wouldn’t fit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A rope, interesting,” Loki says and takes a hold of it. “Seems like we’ll have to use this.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You gulp. “Okay,” you whisper. “I can do this.” You brace one hand on the cold wall and hold the rope with the other. Loki walks ahead of you and quickly catches up with the couple in front. He turns around to check on you only to find you gone. He backtracks and sees you slowly making your way up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re not fine!” he hisses. “Come here.” He lets you pass him, though he nearly falls off the ledge, and keep whispering encouraging words in your ear.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You take a moment to gather yourself as soon as you reach the top. The people passing you gives you angry glares, but Loki blocks their view by standing in front of you.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re pale and sweaty. Are you shaking? Oh dear, why didn’t you tell me you were afraid of heights?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You grab his shirt and lean your forehead against his shoulder. “Y-you would have— have— would have—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ssh, it’s okay. We can’t stay here for too long, and there’s no exists here, so let’s keep going till we find one, okay?” He awkwardly pats your back. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’d have laughed,” you whisper.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He furrows his brows but doesn’t reply. He pushes you up the next pair of stairs, wooden this time, and before you know it, you’re inside the dome.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Loki walks around taking pictures with your phone while you stand by the exit. Once he’s done, he hands you the machine and gestures for you to leave.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“L—” You keep quiet until the group of tourists pass you. “Tom, I can keep going.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He scoffs. “Asgard will fall before you’re ready for this.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You punch his arm. “Rude. But I’m serious. I’ve always wanted to come here.” You look at the entrance to the outside. “I didn’t go up here last time.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He sighs, drags a hand through his hair and curses under his breath. “Fine, but I swear to whichever god you believe in I’ll teleport us right to the base if you faint.” He extended his hand. “Take it and don’t let go.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You sob and take his hand. “Wow, you’re cold.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His eyes widen and he pulls out of your grip. “Hold my sleeve.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh, okay.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You shouldn’t have said anything. Now he’s uncomfortable and the atmosphere tense.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You walk around the small platform of the outside of the dome, Loki taking pictures and selfies on the two of you. A middle-aged man offers to take some as well, and Loki politely accepts.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey!” someone shouts. “What the hell was that for? Don’t fricking push!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You see a young woman push a middle-aged one. “You started it! I almost dropped my phone because of you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The middle-aged woman sneers. “You shouldn’t have stuck it outside the fence either way. Now stop touching me!” She shoves the girl and she falls to the ground.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A third female, the same age as the young one, runs over and punches the older one in the face. “That’s harassment! Stop hurting her.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, hey!” you shout and stands between them. “Are you mad? Do you know how high up we are? If you’re going to fight, then for the love of Yggdrasil, leave. You’re putting everyone else in danger!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“An Avenger?” someone whispers.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh my god, it’s true! What’s an Avenger doing here?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m on vacation, now stop taking pictures and leave.” You move out of the small crowd only to feel someone push you. You hit the fence and scream in pain. The fence is metal and stands solid even against your body.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“<em>ENOUGH</em>!” Loki howls. Flashes of green light pop like fireworks all around you as he walks over to you and pulls you into his arms. “Are you deaf? You’ve been asked not to risk anyone’s safety and you </span>
  <em>
    <span>push</span>
  </em>
  <span> them? Leave now or </span>
  <em>
    <span>I’ll</span>
  </em>
  <span> push </span>
  <em>
    <span>you</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” He eyes every last visitor. “Are we clear?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Slowly, one by one, they leave for the exit. When they’re all gone, Loki slumps against the stone wall. “How are you?” he asks, leaning his cheek on your head.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you,” you say quietly, still shaking and with tears running down your cheek, but you’re alive. “Can we go now?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course, my dear. Let’s go.”</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I've been to Rome and I wish so much to go back! The duo being here is basically me fangirling about going back to see all of these things again.</p><p>Also yes you can go up to the dome of the church, but I'm honestly never doing that again. I'm not afraid of heights, and I'm not claustrophobic, but now at least I have an incling of how terrifying people think of them. I barely made it up at the top. Christ, so many stairs.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Chapter 11</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Loki casually mentioning a potential god just laying around.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>A day later, you check out of your room and Loki teleports you to the Twelve Apostles in Victoria, Australia. He takes a look around and gives you a look that conveys exactly how confused he is.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We’re in the middle of nowhere,” he complains. “I thought you said we’d see the Twelve Apostles?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>You smile and point at the big limestones in the water. “There’s only eight left, though.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He gives you a mildly annoyed grimace. “We came to see rocks?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well, yes.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“… I’m taking us out of here. Where next?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Tikal, Guatemala, but I—”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We are </span>
  <em>
    <span>not</span>
  </em>
  <span> wasting time looking at rocks,” he growls, pulls you closer and zaps you to the middle of the Mayan ruins. He nods in approval. “At least there’s something here to see.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>You pout. “The Apostles were completely fine.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“They were </span>
  <em>
    <span>rocks</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>You huff and walk away. Loki leaves you to calm down and instead head the other way, and, when no one notices, goes invisible and sneaks inside the old ruins.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>* * * * *</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>* * *</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>* * * * *</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The two of you meet up for lunch and Loki, disappointed, says there’s not much special inside the once great buildings.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“There’s a creature slumbering underneath one, though,” he says off-hand and takes a bite of his sandwich. “Are we staying long? The sun’s going down.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hold your horses, what was that about sleeping?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“There’s something underneath that huge building, slumbering peacefully,” he repeats, annoyed. “I suggest we do not wake it. I’m not in the mood to battle a potential god.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>You stare at him. He chuckles and puts two finger under your chin and closes your mouth. “That looks stupid,” he says with a teasing smile.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>You stutter. “Wh— What the— </span>
  <em>
    <span>God</span>
  </em>
  <span>?!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He casually shrugs and finishes his sandwich. “I don’t know if it’s a true god, but it’s not human, at least.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Aren’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>you</span>
  </em>
  <span> a god?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He puts away the trash. “I may call myself that, but I’m… I’m an Asgardian. We’re not synonymous with gods.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>You’re tempted to ask if the other Pantheons in the world are true as well. “Should we, like, do something?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Why?” he stands up and offers you his hand. You take it. “It’s not harming anyone.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Okay, true… But I’m still telling Cap and mr. Stark when we get home.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He shrugs. “Is there anything else you’d like to see?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Probably, but I didn’t research enough, so let’s move on.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>* * * * *</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>* * *</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>* * * * *</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>You land in the middle of what was once the nave of the Belgian church Aulne Abbey.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The sun is hanging low, since it’s late afternoon, and you giddily run around snapping pictures of the marvelous stone structures.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Loki follows slowly, taking his time appreciating the architecture. By mortal standards, the ruined monastery must have been a wonder even before it because beautifully haunting, but for him it was more of a cute building with some character. Asgardian buildings were mostly made of metal, big and sturdy, at least in the better off parts. Some Asgardians have taken a liking to Midgardian architecture, though, seeing as the biggest town square was made entirely from stone and wood. Though the houses looked more like the ones from </span>
  <em>
    <span>Avatar: The Last Airbender</span>
  </em>
  <span> than the ones in Europe.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Loki sees you standing under a vaulted wall, touching a mossy column. He comes to stand behind you, to your left. ”Is it that beautiful?” he asks.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>You nod, enchanted by the silence and nature. ”I have always loved abandoned places,” you reply with a soft smile. ”I don’t know why, but old buildings, ruins or not, have always captured my interest.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>You glance at Loki when you hear him laugh. ”I apologise,” he says, his shoulders shaking. ”It’s just, you like Norse history as well. Is there anything else old you like?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>”I like Greek mythology too.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He snorts. Loudly. ”Captain America is old, do you like him too?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>You pause to think. ”No, I hate World War II. We read about it all the time in school, from… </span>
  <em>
    <span>lågstadiet,</span>
  </em>
  <span> elementary? </span>
  <em>
    <span>Mellanstadiet</span>
  </em>
  <span>, is that middle school, then? But </span>
  <em>
    <span>gymnasiet</span>
  </em>
  <span> is supposed to be high school, but we have </span>
  <em>
    <span>högstadiet</span>
  </em>
  <span> before that.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>”You’ve learned about it for a long time, I understand,” Loki says after giggling at your mumbling.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>You nod. ”Yes, and I’m sick and tired of hearing the same stories over and over again. I’d rather read about vikings, Romans and Greeks. Oh, and Chinese and Japanese mythology! Their gods are so cool.” You blush. ”But well… Cap is a relic from a past most want forgotten. I like him as a person, but not his historical value. Though I have to say, for someone that’s over ninety, he looks mighty fine.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Loki states at you and shakes his head. ”Thor’s over one thousand five hundred, and I’m over a thousand years old, your Captain has nothing on us.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>”True,” you reply, smiling over his annoyed tone, ”but we normally don’t live over a hundred. How old does Asgardians get?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>”About five thousand, give or take,” he pouts.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>”Ex—” You frown. ”Five thousand? And you’re barely a thousand years old? Good gods, aren’t you, like, a teenager?!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Loki moves away from you. ”Maybe. Still older than you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>”You’re a child!” you laugh. ”I knew you were young by Asgardian standards, but I didn’t think you’d be </span>
  <em>
    <span>that</span>
  </em>
  <span> young.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He glares at you. ”Don’t treat me like a child! I’ve been through far more in my ’short’ life than you will ever be throughout all of yours!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>You run after him and dunk him in the back. ”I wasn’t talking about experience, Loki. That has nothing to do with the fact that you’re a teen while I’m an adult. Exactly how old are you?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>”… One thousand and fifty-three,” he grumbles.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>You start calculating his estimated age in human years out loud. ”Humans live for less than a hundred years, but let’s just say we live a hundred years to make it easy. You said Asgardians live around five thousand years… five thousand divided by your age should be… between four and five.” You use your phone to get a more accurate number, which is 4,7. ”Four point seven multiplied with a hundred is…” You snort and calculate the same thing, but with eighty instead of a hundred—because you heard somewhere the average human lifespan is around that number—and look at Loki. ”You’re between seventeen and twenty-one in human years. Aw, baby brother!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Loki backs away from your hug. ”Thor already calls me that, despite the many times I’ve told him to stop. Don’t you dare make fun of me too!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>You snicker. ”I may be making fun of you, but Thor isn’t that kind of person. He truly sees you as his younger brother, and so that’s what he calls you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>”A simple ’brother’ would have sufficed.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>You stop teasing him and look at your destination plan. ”We should find somewhere to sleep. What do you fancy?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>”Somewhere with peace and quiet,” Loki mutters.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Chapter 12</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>You learn something new about Loki.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>”So,” you happily say, munching on a dumpling, ”what do you usually do in your spare time?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Loki looks up from his plate and cocks his head to the side, mildly surprised. ”Read. Like I’ve done every time you come looking for me.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>”Is that </span>
  <em>
    <span>all </span>
  </em>
  <span>you do? Your only hobby?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He furrows his brows. ”Why are you suddenly interested in me?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>You load some chow mein onto your plate. ”I realised I don’t know anything about you, except from what little Thor has told me.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Loki is almost afraid to ask Thor told you.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>You retell the story about Loki stabbing Thor whilst disguised as a snake; how once after Thor snuck down to the vault to try and lift Mjölnir and getting burned, Loki cooling him down and stealing some painkillers for him. But your favourite story Thor loves to tell is the one about Loki’s daggers.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Originally, the daggers Loki used to wield were Thor’s. He’d been gifted them a long time ago, had never fancied them as he was used to wield long-range weapon. You had argued Mjölnir wasn’t exactly as long as a sword or spear, but Thor reminded you he could throw the hammer and use it to enhance the lightning and thunder he controlled. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The reason Loki got his hands on the daggers was simple. He wasn’t good with swords or spears, and had learned his skills from Frigga, who also wielded short-range weapons, specially daggers and short-swords. When the first time came for Loki to partake in a battle, Thor had been so paranoid his daggers would break that he’d brought his own. As he feared, Loki lost his daggers. He managed to survive using his magic, but afterwards, Thor snuck his own daggers into Loki’s possession, and they held to this day.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>”So </span>
  <em>
    <span>that’s</span>
  </em>
  <span> where they came from?” Loki whispers. ”They appeared in my tent when we got back to the camp.” He looked heartbroken. ”And now I lost them too.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>”I’m sure you can get them back,” you try to comfort him. ”If anything, Thor probably keeps them for you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He nods, his mood having turned sour. ”What’s so fascinating about the Chinese Wall?” he asks.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>You don’t comment on the blatant change in subject. ”It’s one of the largest construct I’ve heard of, and it stretches on for as far as the eye can see! It was built on for hundreds of years, and I think the oldest parts are from the 300’s. The oldest parts should be from the 1600’s. They were originally for military use. Do you know their Chinese names? What they mean?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Loki arch an eyebrow. ”Do enlighten me.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>You look out the window of the hotel restaurant onto the Chinese market below. ”</span>
  <em>
    <span>Chángchéng</span>
  </em>
  <span>, or the long wall. It’s also called </span>
  <em>
    <span>Wan li chang cheng</span>
  </em>
  <span>, the ’Ten thousand li long wall’.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>”Did you Google that too, or do you actually know Chinese?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>You blow him a raspberry. ”I took Chinese lessons for two years in high school, thank you very much. I remember some of it still! And for your information, my teacher told me their meanings.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He nods, satisfied and somewhat amused. ”You’re a diverse character.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>”Thank you. You’re quite the complex one.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He rolls his eyes.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>You finish your dinner and head back to the room you’re sharing. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>* * * * *</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>* * *</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>* * * * *</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The TV is on and Loki sits plastered on the sofa watching the news while you lay on your single bed, looking at your list of destinations. You’re trying to decide where to go next, either Sagrada Familia in Spain, or somewhere more close to home, with roots to Loki’s Norse heritage.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Loki abruptly perk up and you put your phone down and frown at his back. “What happened?” you ask.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m starting to think we’re on the run,” he replies mysteriously and increase the volume on the TV.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“— and Loki Odinson have disappeared completely, without trace. If seen, proceed with caution, as Odinson has been known to manipulate and brainwash people. Contact your local authorities if you come in contact with them, and stay away,”</span>
  </em>
  <span> the reporter says, a grim expression on her face.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>You gape in disbelief. Did the others honestly go to public media to find them? Why didn’t they just call?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Your heart skips a beat and you look at your phone. With a rising suspicion settling in your stomach, you look through your missed calls history. Nothing seems out of the ordinary, but your mind screams at you that something is wrong.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Loki,” you say, trying to stay calm even though you’re shaking. “What have you done with my phone?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The adopted prince winces but doesn’t turn around to look at you.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Loki</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” you hiss.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I… enchanted it.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Something flashes across the screen and you look down to see hundreds of missed calls. Your voicemail is full, something you never thought possible.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“On the run my ass!” you shriek. “Loki, what the f— No, I’m sorry. Shite. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Jävlar</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” You drag your hands through your hair sob.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Loki immediately turns around, horror written all over his face. “Don’t cry! I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to—” He winces again. “I’m sorry, I just didn’t want… didn’t want us to go back.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He looks you over and hurries over. “Why are you shaking?” he asks. “You weren’t supposed to— Why—”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>You try to speak, but only gibberish and stuttering escape your lips. Whimpering, you lay down on the bed, tears streaming down your face all the while your body spasms and your heart beat irregularly against your chest.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Loki lies down behind you and hugs you, singing something in a language you vaguely understand, until you calm down and fall asleep.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>* * * * *</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>* * *</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>* * * * *</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Am I supposed to look male or female?” you ask him a few hours later, in a new hotel on the other side of China. You look into the mirror and take in the disguise he’s granted you.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Loki stands in the doorway, leaning against it with his arms across his chest. “Does that matter?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>You shake your head. “I do need a gender if someone decides to interrogate us, though.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Then you decide. I couldn’t choose whether or not you suited best as a man or woman.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>You snort. “Thank you for being perplexed by my gender.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He shrugs. “You once gushed over my ability to change it, so I thought you’d be intrigued.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Okay, true, but still… I didn’t think you’d given much thought to </span>
  <em>
    <span>my</span>
  </em>
  <span> gender.” You smirk at him as he goes beet red. “Also, why am I still shorter than you?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He can’t help the laugh that escapes him. “First you complain about me making you androgynous, and now about your height?” He shakes his head, grinning. “There’s no particular reason why I didn’t change it. Though I do quite enjoy looking down at you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey, I can still kick your arse!” you pout.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He snorts and covers his mouth with his hands. “Even though you’re a head shorter than me?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well, you’re a giant; what’d you expect?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Loki goes ramrod stiff and stares at you, horror and realisation dawning on his face. You furrow your brows in confusion until it hits you.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No! Loki, no, don’t misunderstand.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“H-how’d you—” He starts backing away, but you’re faster and hug him hard. “I-I-I-I…” He starts shaking and you force him to sit down on the floor.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Look at me, Loki.” He does for a second before turning away in shame. “Loki, I did </span>
  <em>
    <span>not </span>
  </em>
  <span>call you a Jotun, do you hear me? I did </span>
  <em>
    <span>not</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Th-then w-w— Then </span>
  <em>
    <span>why</span>
  </em>
  <span>?” he whispers in a panic.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Because, Loki, when humans are taller than average, we joke about them being giants. Because, you know, they’re </span>
  <em>
    <span>tall as hell</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Am I </span>
  <em>
    <span>that</span>
  </em>
  <span> tall?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well, no, but considering you’re a head taller than me, I feel short and like you’re a giant. I’m sorry I offended and upset you, but I wasn’t trying to slander you.” You hold him for a bit longer, until he calms down enough to stop crying. “I know you’re adopted, so it was insensitive of me to say that, especially since I don’t know who your real parents are. I’m so sorry. Forgive me. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Förlåt</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Mm.” He moves away from you and stands up. He offers you a hand and you take it. “H-have you… have you called them?” he asks, his voice faint.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No, I’m afraid of the lecture I’ll receive.” You grimace. “I’ll probably be kicked from the Avengers programme. Ah well, jokes on them because my inventions will still sell like butter and they’ll get none of it. And I can finally go back home and spend some well-needed time with my family and friends.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Loki looks at your fake smile with pain, but is considerate enough not to call you out on your blatant lie.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I shouldn’t have let you drag me here,” he says. “Of course it ended in disaster.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>You nod grimly and pick up your bags. “Time to go home.”</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Chapter 13</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Shit hits the fan and everyone's being dramatic.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Loki teleports the two of you back to your room, where you first unpack to gain time to calm your nerves.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s past three o’clock when you lock hands with each other and leave to face the Avengers. Luckily, or maybe unluckily, they are all gathered in the conference room. Natasha is the first to notice them and practically jumps off her seat in order to get to them. She throws open the door and pushes Loki away from you.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What did you do to them?!” she screams. “Brainwashing? Manipulation? WHAT DID YOU DO?!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Loki shrinks in front of her, momentarily forgetting he once faced her head on in battle. It only lasts for a moment, however, before he regains his cold, icy mask and sneers at her. “I didn’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>have</span>
  </em>
  <span> to do </span>
  <em>
    <span>anything</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” he taunts her. “It was easy enough to get them to get me out of here without magic. Unlike Thor, I </span>
  <em>
    <span>do</span>
  </em>
  <span> have a brain.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Thor glares at his brother, now standing beside him while the rest of the group gathers outside the room. “Why couldn’t you just keep calm?” he asks, pain and disappointment flashing across his face. “A month, was that all you could stomach? And then you kidnap one of my friends for another month. Was it worth it, brother?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Loki rolls his eyes and glares at them all, except you. You, he doesn’t even grant a glance. “Being coped up with a mortal for a month was enough. And yes, </span>
  <em>
    <span>brother</span>
  </em>
  <span>, I do say it was.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Lock him in,” mr. Stark snarls, a hand protectively around your shoulders. “And Thor, you better talk to your parents about this. It’s not safe having him around.” He turns to you and his scowl immediately turns soft. “Did he do anything to you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You shake your head. “We had fun,” you say, tears gathering in your eyes. “We went to Rome, Tikal, saw the Chinese wall… I’ve never had so much fun in my life.” You look away from mr. Stark’s confused eyes. “I’ll go get something to eat. I know you won’t believe a word I’m saying anyways. Not like he tried to change, or anything, right?” You laugh at yourself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wanda, Nat, please,” Cap says, and you feel them following after you as you leave.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Goodbye, Loki,” you whisper.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He doesn’t answer.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>* * * * *</span>
</p><p>
  <span>* * *</span>
</p><p>
  <span>* * * * *</span>
</p><p>
  <span>For the next few weeks, you neither see nor hear from or about Loki. Every time you walk in on a conversation regarding him, the others turn silent and change the topic. You give up begging Thor for answers regarding Loki, too, as he only looks at you with immense sadness and apologises for forcing you to take care of him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You wanna go watch a movie with us?” Wanda asks one day. You look up from your breakfast and gives an empty look. Her face falls and she laughs nervously. “Ah, I-I see you have something else to do, then?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh come on,” Natasha begs. “You need to get out of that room. Whatever are you doing in there?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Looking through the pictures and souvenirs from your trip, but you don’t say that to them. Chances are they will confiscate them all thinking they’re helping Loki brainwash you.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You stand up and leave the room, having lost your appetite.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>* * * * *</span>
</p><p>
  <span>* * *</span>
</p><p>
  <span>* * * * *</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mr. Stark put you on probation the day after your arrival, so you are once again left almost completely alone in the headquarters. This time, though, you’re accompanied by Happy, Pepper and a young boy named Peter Parker. He’s on summer vacation, Pepper explains, and on mr. Stark’s list of potential Avengers. Apparently, he asked for you to train the young boy.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You take him to the gym and asks him about his powers. He explains the basics as well as the technology behind his web shooters. You’re impressed with his knowledge and abilities, and you quickly bond over the gadgets you have both created to help enhance your powers.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The first week is spent solely in the gym for him to improve his stamina and to show off his creepy acrobatics.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You don’t talk about much else except training and Peter’s life as Spider-man. When he tells you he’s only fifteen, you nearly blow a fuse. Though you have to remind yourself you had already made your gloves and had total control of your powers at that age.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A friend contacts you one day. The girl, Emma, is working in DC, but wants to at least FaceTime or Skype with you on a regular basis. She’s the only one you feel comfortable enough to tell about your problems.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>
    <em>You ought to take a vacation,</em>
  </b>
  <span> she suggests via text two weeks after Peter’s arrival. </span>
  <b>
    <em>Honestly, it’s not good you remain in the HQ where you’re reminded of Loki all the damned time.</em>
  </b>
</p><p>
  <b>
    <em>I know, but I can’t stop worrying about him. He honestly DID NOT brainwash me. I saw what happened in that grocery store, and how upset it made him, so I decided to heed mr. Stark’s words and… well…</em>
  </b>
</p><p>
  <b>
    <em>And you fricking left without a word and travelled the world. Without us. Nice one, buddy.</em>
  </b>
</p><p>
  <span>You cringe at the icy tone, but don’t question it. Your old gang of friends and you had always planned on travelling together, until mr. Stark got news of you and almost immediately shipped you off to New York. Then those plans no longer included you, nor did they ever get fulfilled.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>
    <em>I’m sorry, Emma, I really am. I just wanted him to be happy.</em>
  </b>
</p><p>
  <b>
    <em>I know you only wanted the best. You should have realised the consequences, though. You SURE he didn’t brainwash you, even a bit?</em>
  </b>
</p><p>
  <span>Considering he cast a spell on your phone and probably forced you to sleep that same day, you wouldn’t be surprised if he had used some kind of magic. But still, you’re mad at him for doing so, nor do you hate him for Manhattan. Sure, it’s still a sore topic, and you won’t ever forgive him for the lives it cost, but you do understand the circumstances weren’t in his favour, either. And, you’d seen it yourself, that he wanted to change and tried his best. But the world, much like you almost three months prior, doesn’t want to see him as anything other than a tyrannical maniac.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>
    <em>Have you told him you know? About, you know, his… heritage. He’s not spying on your phone, right?</em>
  </b>
</p><p>
  <span>You chuckle. </span>
</p><p>
  <b>
    <em>I don’t think he can do that, but you never know. Also, no, I didn’t. Thor hasn’t told anyone about it yet, and it’s not my truth to tell. I did make a mistake and called him a giant instead of like “insanely tall” and he freaked the f out, but I DID manage to save it.</em>
  </b>
</p><p>
  <b>
    <em>Good gods, this is a disaster.</em>
  </b>
</p><p>
  <span>You can’t agree more.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>* * * * *</span>
</p><p>
  <span>* * *</span>
</p><p>
  <span>* * * * *</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s your special power?” Peter asks after training. It’s been a month since he got here and one and a half since you last saw Loki. “Um, I mean, do you </span>
  <em>
    <span>have</span>
  </em>
  <span> any special powers? Because if you don’t that’s fine. Mr. Stark has his brains and Captain America has his, er, muscles. And Black Widow is just plainly awesome! Have you seen what she can do with her thighs?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You snort and pat him on the head to calm him down. “Your fanboy is showing, Peter,” you warn him half-heartedly. “And yes, I do have special abilities, I just… don’t use them.” You cringe.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh,” he says, trying so hard and failing miserably at hiding his curiosity. “Can I… can I ask what it is?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You contemplate turning him down and leave it unanswered, but he’s mr. Stark’s new Golden Boy, and he’s adorable in general. Hopefully he won’t think you’re weird.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You see these gloves?” You hold up your hands. “They keep my powers in check. Because, erhm, I can’t… really… I can’t control them very well. Without them, I mean. The gloves.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Peter frowns, his brain working overtime trying to figure… </span>
  <em>
    <span>something </span>
  </em>
  <span>out. “Why?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You freeze, bad memories resurfacing. You quickly bury them and give him a tight smile. “They’re not authentic. A bit lite Wanda’s. You know Wanda?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The Scarlet Witch! Yes, I know of her.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I like your enthusiasm,” you chuckle. “But yes, they were… given… They were give to me. A bit like yours, too, but I never learned to use it properly.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why? And what is it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You look away in shame. “We don’t know, actually. The best explanation we have is that I solidify oxygen.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Peter’s mouth falls open and his eyes widen comically. “Wh— Wha— </span>
  <em>
    <span>What</span>
  </em>
  <span>!” he almost screams. “That’s impossible, oxygen doesn’t solidify in temperatures under −361.82 °F! There’s no place on Earth that’s naturally that cold.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I… How much is that in Celsius?” you ask, embarrassed. “I’m from Sweden, darling, and we don’t use Fahrenheit.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Peter immediately apologises and explains it’s around −219 °C, which is cold as hell.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, that surprised me, yes, but that’s what we think I can do.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And it doesn’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>hurt</span>
  </em>
  <span> you?” he asks, taking your hands and staring at you like you’re a god.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You shudder and move away from his touch. He notices and apologises again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can you… can yo show me?” he asks carefully. “I mean, you don’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>have</span>
  </em>
  <span> to, of course you don’t, but I’ve never seen solid oxygen before.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You smile ruefully at him and hold up your hand. A small flat but circular piece of what looks like cracked glass grows from your fingertips. You feel the temperature around you drop, and Peter shivers.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know why it doesn’t drop all the way down,” you explain. “I was really young when… when they… when I got the ability, so I don’t know the details of what they did. I don’t feel cold anymore, though I of course can feel when the temperature rise and falls.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re amazing,” Peter whispers in awe. “But I thought it would crystallize.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You shrug. You can make it crystalize, of course, into a variety of ways, and it even changes colour depending on which phase it’s in.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can I touch it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You gape. “Peter, you </span>
  <em>
    <span>just</span>
  </em>
  <span> asked if it hurt to use the ability,” you deadpan. “This is -219 degrees! </span>
  <em>
    <span>No</span>
  </em>
  <span> you can’t touch it; your fingers would fall off!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He cringes and apologises—why does he do that so much?—and promises not to do it again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You sigh. “Gimme the blueprints for your suit, and I’ll modify it for you.” At his lost expression, you clarify, “I have remade all suits to withstand my ability. It’s tricky as hell and takes forever, but I’d rather sacrifice my time than your limbs. I’ve saved their arses before, and it’s been a few close calls.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh. Okay. Mr. Stark has them, though. The prints, I mean. He made me a suit.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You nod and promise to ask him for it. The two of you try to get back to training, but he can’t stop staring at your hands, and you instead focus on the rules the Avengers has put up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Deep down, you’re happy Peter isn’t a full fledged Avenger yet. You can’t stand his fanboyish side.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Explanation: I know Peter isn't introduced until 2016 with Captain America: Civil War, but this is a fanfic/AU so I can do what I want (lol).</p><p>But in all honesty, MC needs Peter right now, so please don't shoot me.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. Chapter 14</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Vacations, destinations and assassins. Why not?</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Ha! I managed to finish it. Enjoy :D</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Emma invites you over to DC, which you happily agree to after getting the clear from Cap and mr. Stark. Peter is sad to see you go, but you remind him it’s only for a week.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Your friend comes to greet you at the airport and gives you a brief but firm hug before taking your things to the car.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m glad you finally decided to show up,” she says brightly and pulls out of the parking lot. “So, it’s been hectic, I’ve heard?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Which of it?” you jokingly ask. “The disaster that was Manhattan, Ultron or my babysitting Loki?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She laughs lightheartedly. “All of the above. But how are you faring?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You grimace. “The only thing keeping me happy is Peter.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Who?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ah… An amazingly bright boy, six or so years younger than us. He might join us at a later date.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Emma gapes, though she thankfully doesn’t take her eyes off the road. “Are you kidding me?” she asks incredulously. “A child, an Avenger? What in the actual—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“<em>Ahem</em>,” you pointedly cough. “I was twelve when I made my first gauntlets, thank you very much. And twenty when I joined the Avengers!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And nineteen when you became Stark’s intern—I get it, I get it. Peace, please?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The two of you laugh good-naturedly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A few minutes of comfortable silence follows before Emma becomes serious. “What are you going to do with Loki?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nothing I </span>
  <em>can</em> do,” you say and shrug helplessly. “I’m in no position of power, being the youngest and, you know ‘brainwashed’. Gah, I should have never proposed the road trip.”
</p><p>
  <span>Emma hums in agreement and stops at a red light. She glances at you with a tight smile. “We all do things we regret, things we don’t know if they pay off or not. Tell me, did Loki change anything?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He did, didn’t he? He went from malicious to mischievous to teasing in a matter of a month, not to mention your nightly conversations and the fact that you held each other’s hands or arms at times.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yes, he had started to warm up, but then the others had ruined it and now he’s gone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You lean back into the car seat and close your eyes. If possible, it would be nice to befriend him. The desire to take over the world and enslave humanity has long left his body, and he does regret his past actions. He should be rewarded, not slandered like in the grocery store.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re laughing,” Emma says, frowning. “Why are you laughing?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because if I’m the only one that believes him, then he really is screwed.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She stays silent for a moment. Before long, she sighs. “If you, who hated the guy with the passion of a million suns, can turn around and not only understand, but befriend him, then it should be possible for the others, too. Especially Thor, right?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You shrug. Thor, out of anyone, should have given up ages ago. You can’t fathom how many times Loki has betrayed him during the past millennium.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>* * * * *</span>
</p><p>
  <span>* * *</span>
</p><p>
  <span>* * * * *</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I, eh, have to warn you about my, um, roommate,” Emma says, visibly worried, as you stand in the elevator in her apartment complex. “He’s… special. Your kind of special.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is he a super human, an experiment, Spider-man special or Steve Rogers special? There’s a lot of specials in our gang.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She bites her lip without a word.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The elevator stops and opens its doors. Emma takes you to her door but doesn’t unlock it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You sigh. “Honestly, Emma, I didn’t come here for this. Whatever you have to say, say it. It can’t be more shocking than learning I’m to babysit my sworn enemy.” You smile at that.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She hesitantly smiles back. “Promise not to kill him.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I already promised that when you invited me, Em.” Now you start to worry. “Is he violent, psychotic or, like, I don’t know, a criminal?” She cringes and you gape. “I was <em>kidding</em>!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry! But I think you’d like him.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A criminal?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You like Loki, right?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“After a month of </span>
  <em>war</em>! He made my room pink! Dumped me in the river and so much more. Who 
  <em>is</em> this person?”
</p><p>
  <span>At that time, the door opened slowly to reveal a tall man with long brown hair.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“<em>Heliga Ginnungagap</em>,” you whisper. Then you glare at Emma. “Why in the nine realms are you hiding the effing<em>Winter Soldier</em>?!”
</span></p><p>
  <span>“Ssh! Or people might hear you.” Emma pushes you inside and the ex-Hydra agent silently moves away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You go sit down in one of the armchairs in the living room and glare at them. “Explain, now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Emma looks at the Winter Soldier for confirmation. She only starts speaking after he nods. “Bucky isn’t with Hydra anymore,” she explains quietly. Meanwhile, the soldier lingers around her, worry creasing his forehead. “He’s been hiding out here since the S.H.I.E.L.D. scandal.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You massage your temples. “I was joking, did I mention that? <em>Joking</em>. I was not expecting you to hide<em>him</em> of all people on Earth. But okay, fine. Whatever you say. So, why did you bring me here?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I meant what I wrote; you need a vacation and I wanted to see you. You barely come visit on Christmas anymore.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You look away in guilt.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Emma continues like nothing’s wrong. “I also knew you’d keep his whereabouts secret, and…” She looks at him again. This time he takes her hand. You stare at them, something in your mind piecing the puzzle together. “He’s like you, you know. Brainwashed, tortured and used. Only he’s been at it since the 40’s.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The Winter Soldier looks at you, his face mostly empty except for the curiosity and hesitation in his eyes. “Emma told me you were experimented on,” he says.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You cringe, but nod. “I was. They worked for Hydra, according to Cap, and wanted us as child soldiers.” You smile bitterly at the memories. “Pumped us full with chemicals and substances not commonly known to man. Many… many died. A lot of them. Some went insane but survived.” That’s why you like Wanda so much. She understands the turmoil inside you.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The air between the three of you solidifies into what again looks like glass. Your gaze pierces the Winter Soldier’s. “This is what they made me into. I can freeze oxygen, a substance that doesn’t solidify until well past temperatures humans can survive.” You notice Emma’s wide, fearful eyes and the oxygen turn back to normal.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There’s a reason Emma’s afraid. You never publicly showed anyone in Sweden what you could do, worried they’d shun you and be scared. Your thoughts weren’t totally unfounded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can’t do that,” the Winter Soldier says, still looking at you. “They brainwashed me instead.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Much did I suffer, but not that. Torture, yes, but not brainwashing.” You glance at his metal hand. “And I didn’t lose any limbs.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I lost it beforehand.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know. I’ve been to the museum.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He looks away, brows creasing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What should I call you?” you ask softly, making him turn his heavy gaze on you once more. “I mean, I can’t call you the Winter Soldier, can I?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The shadow of a smile appears on his face. “Bucky.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You nod. “Bucky it is then. How are you faring?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Depends on,” he shrugs. “Some days I’m fine, some days…” He looks to Emma for help.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Some days I don’t see him at all. He barely eats,” she murmurs. “I think you two would like each other, just saying.” She looks at the clock. “I have to go. Feel free to do anything you like. You can take the spare bedroom.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bucky follows her to the door and allows her to kiss his cheek. You smile faintly, happy Emma found someone to like, but wishing he wasn’t a wanted serial killer.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Now where have I heard that one before?</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let’s chat,” you decide. “I befriended someone not too long ago with your problem.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What problem?” Bucky asks and takes a seat in the sofa. “I have lots of them.”</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0015"><h2>15. Chapter 15</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Cue tragic childhood traumas.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I'm back with a bunch of chapter!</p><p>I really needed that vacation. I rewrote 3 chapters two times each (and finished reading 4 books).</p><p>Enjoy!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>You spend the day chatting with Bucky about Loki, Manhattan, your and Emma’s childhood and the Avengers. You don’t press him for his own stories; the gods know you hate it when someone asks about yours.</p><p>”— and then she adopted it,” you finish your latest Tale with a broad smile.</p><p>”Where’s it now?” Bucky asks. ”I’ve been here for a while, but there’s no cat.”</p><p>The clock above the TV ticks loudly and you stare at it. ”It died a long time ago. Run over after we called it across the road.”</p><p>Bucky calmly looks out the window and nods. ”I am sorry to hear that.”</p><p>”So, tell me, how’d you get here? Would you tell me?”</p><p>He nods solemnly, his eyes staring into space. ”I was wounded and had to hide. I don’t remember the specifics, but according to Emma, I stood outside her door. She was about to go grocery shopping. I fainted and she took me in.”</p><p>How a small and petite being like Emma managed to inconspicuously drag a deadweight Winter Soldier inside her apartment is beyond you. Maybe she has super strength, who knows?</p><p>”Emma has a thing for wounded animals.” Her cat had been a rescue, after all. And she used to tend to sick and hurt birds and butterflies until they managed to leave.</p><p>Bucky asks about your family to change topic and immediately regrets it when seeing your pained expression. ”We can talk about something else,” he says. ”Don’t look like that. Please. Emma will be angry if I make her best friend cry.”</p><p>”It’s not you as much as the memories,” you assure him. ”It’s a bit like asking you about the torture.”</p><p>He nods in understanding. ”Then, do you like to read?”</p><p>”I was about to answer your question… Um.”</p><p>”If you don’t want to, it’s fine. I’m the Winter Soldier, I don’t ask questions.”</p><p>No one knows about your circumstances. Not everything, at least. By the time you were ten, the Hydra-supporting organisation had disappeared, and before anyone—the Avengers—could get a hold of the information, you wiped what was left of the computers and systems.</p><p>”I love to read,” you say slowly, licking your lips. ”I love fantasy, you see. At the facility I grew up in, there was this one woman that always had a book in her hands. If asked, she would read them to us, didn’t matter if the book was in Russian, English, Swedish or German. Most of her books were about magic and love and creatures we didn’t know if they existed. You know, werewolves, pixies, kelpies and <em> näcken</em>, things like that.”</p><p>Bucky smiles faintly. ”Sounds good, at least to a child.”</p><p>You nod in agreement. ”As a child growing up a test subject, I wasn’t too keen on listening to sci-fi stories. But unicorns and angels were fine. After I got out of there, fantasy books kept me from going insane.” You shrug. ”About my family… What should I say? I was born to Fanny and Tobias Rehnholm and kidnapped at the hospital. They never noticed, of course. They swapped babies, after all. I checked the story myself. Even found them, when I was fifteen.” You look in the ceiling and remember How happy they’d been with their fake child. ”I was taken before they got to know my gender. For all they knew, the daughter they named Dorotea was their biological child.”</p><p>Bucky frowns darkly but doesn’t ask. You send him an appreciative smile.</p><p>”Dorotea got sick one day,” you explain patiently. ”They did some tests, and turned out she needed a donor. The Rehnholms were the first to volunteer, which was when they realised she wasn’t their daughter.”</p><p>”Did you come forward?”</p><p>You shake your head. ”I’ve never craved parental figures. The ones I had were the scientists that cut me open and killed my friends. But I do acknowledge I am their child, so I keep an eye on them to make sure they’re happy.”</p><p>”Most people would consider knowing the truth to help.”</p><p>You give him a long look. ”I know, but I’ll break their heart if I turn up now, more than two decades later, revealing that not only did I become an Avenger, but I was horribly mistreated while they took care of s stranger’s child. They won’t ever forgive themselves.”</p><p>”You hesitated.”</p><p>You smirk. ”I did indeed. I went through a phase after Manhattan. I was hurt, lost and angry. So I decided to fuck it and anonymously reached out to them, telling them I knew their child was alive and had been living in Sweden up until a few months prior.”</p><p>”They must’ve asked for you.”</p><p>”They did, but I told them their child wasn’t ready to meet them, though it wanted them to know it was alive.”</p><p>”’It’?” Bucky repeats, raising his eyebrows. ”You didn’t even tell them your gender?”</p><p>”No. But they’re happier now. Dorotea still lives and is treated like their daughter and they know I’m alive. They send me pictures and treats sometimes.”</p><p>He nods. ”You came out alive and managed to build a good life. I’m happy for you.”</p><p>You notices the pictures hanging on the wall beside the TV, of you, Emma and the rest of your friends. You smile. ”Thanks. I am too.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0016"><h2>16. Chapter 16</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Trouble in paradise.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Nothing out of the ordinary happens for a few days. Emma shows you around DC, sometimes with a disguised Bucky in tow, and you can sincerely relax since Loki disappeared.</p><p>The nightmares, though, haven’t disappeared. If anything, they’re worse, ranging from early memories to the experiments to Emma’s cat being run over and, Probably the worst, watching the Avengers perish in one catastrophe after the other. Loki appears too, but either dies or disappears.</p><p>Bucky used to have them too. He said so on the second day of your visit. Emma’s presence makes it better, but they haven’t disappeared. Every night you wake up crying, he comes into your room and talk it out with you until you fall asleep. He explained That’s what Emma does and that it helps.</p><p>The fifth day in DC is plagued with rain. The three of you had originally planned to spend the day out, but get stuck watching TV until you phone rings.</p><p>”It’s Cap,” you say in surprise and answer. ”What’s up?”</p><p><em> ”We need you on the earliest plane back to New York,” </em> he says in distress. Before you can ask what’s wrong, he continues, <em> ”We found an old facility high up in northern Sweden, assumed abandoned but actually operations under Hydra’s influence."</em></p><p>You go cold at his words. He can only mean <em> your </em> old home sweet hell, because how many Hydra facilities are hidden in <em> Sweden</em>?</p><p><em> ”Nat and Clint were sent to scout two days ago,” </em> Cap continues. <em> ”They confirmed movement and we’re going to shut them down. We need all hands on dock. I’m sorry.” </em></p><p>You stare at the TV without seeing it. A bizarre, high-pitch ringing noise is drowning all other sounds and you’re once again seven years old and have accidentally frozen your friend to death. The scientists evaluating your trial nod in approval.</p><p>
  <em> ”—okay? Can you hear me? Is something wrong?” </em>
</p><p>”I… I… What about… what about Loki?”</p><p>
  <em> ”Vision’s guarding him.” </em>
</p><p>”Peter?”</p><p>
  <em> ”He’s back home. Happy’s with him.” </em>
</p><p>You nod, your body now covered in sweat. ”I think Vision’s more helpful than me, in this case. He can fly and all sorts of things.”</p><p><em> ”You’re not useless, if that’s what you think,” </em> Cap says sharply. <em> ”Vision may be a calculating machine, but you’re actually Swedish, and we could use your expertise.” </em></p><p>Because you were actually up north, you can’t bring yourself to tell him not all Swedes know their country like the back of their hand.</p><p>You jump when Bucky takes your hand. He squeezes it and you take a shaky breath, trying to calm yourself. ”Cap, I have a favour to ask. From your side, it’s pretty huge.”</p><p>
  <em> ”I don’t have much time.” </em>
</p><p>”Then agree to bring Loki. He’ll be a valuable asset.”</p><p>
  <em> ”Listen here, we can’t—” </em>
</p><p>You angrily interrupt him. ”Either he goes or I stay. And trust me,” you say with tears in your eyes, ”you want me there. I know… I know that place. I’ve been there before. And I won’t go back without Loki.”</p><p>The thought of him by your side again warms your insides and makes it easier to breathe. You don’t tell Cap that, though.</p><p>
  <em> ”Fine! Just please get back here as soon as you can. I’ll take care of Loki.” </em>
</p><p>”Great. And Cap? Why can’t I just fly directly to Sweden?”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0017"><h2>17. Chapter 17</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>You reunite with Loki and are forced to face your past.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Mr. Stark meets you at Luleå Airport less than twenty-four hours later. He smiles at you, asking if the flight was good and takes you to his car. The drive to their temporary HQ is filled with silence.</p><p>”You’re back!” Wanda exclaims with a smile as you enter the lobby of some hotel. ”Ah… You want a hug?”</p><p>You give her a tired smile and let her envelope you.</p><p>From behind, Natasha furrows her brows. ”How are you? No offence, but you’ve looked better.”</p><p>”You know KGB?”</p><p>She freezes up and gapes at you. ”Yes?”</p><p>You politely ignore the uneasiness in her voice and continues, ”I feel the same about this godforsaken place we’re going to.”</p><p>Cap looks at you, worry and questions obvious on his face, but you don’t indulge him and stay quiet.</p><p>”We’re moving out,” mr. Stark says. ”We’re going to this place I can’t pronunce.” He holds up a map and points at it.</p><p>”Övre Soppero,” you say, betraying no emotions. ”The facility outside it was reduced to rubble over a decade ago—has it been rebuilt?” You look to Clint and Natasha for confirmation.</p><p>”No, it’s in pieces,” Clint says, arms across his chest. ”There are agents crawling around, though.”</p><p>You nod. ”They’re looking for the computers, to see if there’s any information to be salvaged.” Which there is none, because you would never be that stupid.</p><p>”Can I ask how you know this?” dr. Banner asks curiously.</p><p>”Yes, but I’m not answering. Where’s Loki?” You look to Cap.</p><p>”Thor and Vision’s with him.” He hands you a key. ”Third floor, room 305.”</p><p>You nod your head in thanks and leave for the elevator. The third floor is quiet and deserted. For some reason, it makes your skin crawl. You hurry to room 305 and unlocks the door.</p><p>”Who’s there?”</p><p>”Me,” you say and close the door. ”Don’t you dare throw Mjölnir at me.” You walk over to the bed and are greeted by Vision in an armchair and Thor standing by the wardrobe. Loki sits at the edge of the bed, his mouth agape.</p><p>You smile hesitantly at the former prince and he shoots up from the bed, enveloping you into a tight hug. You yelp in surprise but immediately relax and hug him back.</p><p>”I missed you,” you whisper, your throat thick with emotions. ”Where were you?”</p><p>”Locked in that godforsaken room they built.” He pulls away to look at you. ”You look like shite, what happened?”</p><p>You shake your head. Telling Loki isn’t a problem, but you don’t want either Thor or Vision to hear about your connection to Hydra and go running to Cap and mr. Stark.</p><p>Loki understands and looks over his shoulder. ”I guess we can’t get two minutes alone?”</p><p>Thor shakes his head. ”That was not in the agreement, brother.”</p><p>”Figures.” Loki blows his adopted brother a kiss and Thor curses. Loki immediately pushes you out the door.</p><p>”Did you turn us invisible?” you giggle, letting him drag you through the corridor.</p><p>”Maybe.” He looks at you. ”You look like you need fresh air and a shoulder to cry on, and though I don’t particularly like it, I will offer my own.”</p><p>You snort. ”Thank you <em> so much </em> for your noble sacrifice. Just admit you missed me and are upset I’m feeling down.”</p><p>”There is no reason to do so, because you’re wrong.” He opens a vacant room and enters. The door lock you inside and he forces you to sit on the bed. ”Now, tell me what’s wrong.”</p><p>The world blurs as your unshed tears start to fall. You sob and hide your face in your hands. Just like with Bucky, you empty your heart and past for Loki to hear, not daring to look at him. It’s stupid, but what if he starts to hate you? You don’t want to risk it, but he was right about needing a shoulder to cry on.</p><p>Loki quietly sits on the bed and pulls you into his arms again, slowly rocking you back and forth.</p><p>”Why did you come back here?” he asks a few minutes after you stop talking. ”You didn’t have to go through with it; you could have come up with an excuse.”</p><p>”Cap said it was urgent, I can’t just disregard it because I don’t like it.”</p><p>”No, you don’t get to say that. This place is hell on Earth for you, you have a right to refuse!”</p><p>You smile into his chest. ”You remember what I said in the grocery store? I can’t let my personal feelings get in the way, Loki. Then I won’t be any better than the villain’s I fight.”</p><p>”Screw morals,” he growls. ”I’m not watching you run yourself ragged because Captain <em> America </em> asks you to! You’re not even American!”</p><p>True. You have a special visa allowing you to live there as an Avenger and inventor. Mr. Stark got it for you when he scouted you.</p><p>”I’m not doing it because he’s Captain America,” you hush him. ”He’s my friend and colleague, and it’s my job to save the world. Kattanja works for Hydra, and we want to stop Hydra from taking over the world. That means taking out the smaller organisations conspiring with them.”</p><p>”What does Kattanja stand for?”</p><p>”Nothing, it’s just the name of the organisation that made my life hell.”</p><p>He leans his cheek on your head and sighs heavily. Neither of you say anything for a long time, just listening to the sounds filtering through the windows.</p><p>After a while, you remark that Loki will probably be locked up again, seeing as he yet again kidnapped you. He argues that the road trip was <em> your </em> idea, but has to agree that that’s not what the others believe.</p><p>You smile at each other before leaving the room, holding hands. Clint is the one that finds you and immediately notifies the others. You are both scolded by Cap and mr. Stark, though seeing holding hands and you feeling better, they don’t lock him in. Cap does take you to the side, though, asking what’s wrong.</p><p>”Long story short, Kattanja stole me from my parents and experimented on me,” you reply dryly. ”I know where their test subjects should reside.”</p><p>Pale-faced and shocked, Cap lets you drive one of the cars up to Övre Soppero. You book a few rooms for your group and immediately leave for the facility ruins.</p><p>As expected, there’s nothing left to salvage and Cap asks you to show them the way to the test subjects.</p><p>”That’ll be hard, seeing as that building is in the middle of nowhere between here and Karesuando.”</p><p>They all stare at you blankly, except for Vision, that’s looking up possible routes.</p><p>”Don’t bother, Vision,” you say softly. ”There are no actual roads on any maps. We have to drive on old abandoned trails. We’ll be following the Lainio River for pretty much the whole way. I would say we take the boat, but Kattanja agents are closely watching the river, so that’s a hard no.”</p><p>You are all divided into groups, Wanda, you and Loki; Thor, Cap and dr. Banner; mr. Stark and Vision; and Clint and Natasha. Your group rides with Clint and Natasha while the other two ride together, with you at the front.</p><p>It takes half an eternity to get to the end of the river, and then Clint curses when you drive of the trail straight into the forest. The actual barracks were built on one side of the small lake Harrijärvi, close to Lainio.</p><p>You stop in the middle of the forest and leave the car. The groups split and you, Wanda and Loki are tasked to sneak inside the newly built facility across the lake and scout. Mr. Stark and Vision will provide you backup while Nat and Clint sneak into the barracks, with Cap’s group as their backups.</p><p>With the help of Loki’s illusions and Wanda’s manipulation, you easily get inside the building. Since you haven’t been here before, it takes some time to get a hold of a proper map, and the three of you follow soldiers and scientist around to find the elevator.</p><p>You are following a young man past a set of windows when you happen to glance inside. What you see makes you stop dead in your tracks. The woman inside, sitting by a desk writing on her computer, is the same woman that lent you her fantasy books all those years ago.</p><p>Another scientist walks past you and opens the door to her office. You stealthily sneak in after him, still under Loki’s invisibility spell.</p><p>”Dr. Johansson, here are the documents you asked for,” the scientist says, handing her three creme coloured files.</p><p>”Thank you. Did you get the one about nr. 10?”</p><p>”Of course. I can’t believe they’re still alive. Happy reading.” The scientist leaves the room.</p><p>The woman begins to read through the files. You take the risk of exposure and stand behind her to read. The file she’s reading is about a friend of yours, now working for Hydra.</p><p>Reading the boy’s notes, you realise he’s defected to S.H.I.E.L.D.’s side. The woman sneers and writes DEFECTED with big bold letters.</p><p>You take note of his new identity—Anaximander Stratonova—before she closes the file and moves on to another. This one, a girl whose new name is Anais Dubois, is said to be deceased. Again, the woman writes DEFECTED and then ALIVE.</p><p>The last file is <em> yours </em>, with your current name, whereabouts, age and everything else that’s ever been publicated, and then some. The woman hesitates, stroking your profile picture with her finger.</p><p>”Why?” she whispers sadly, surprising you. ”Why did you have to leave?” She writes DEFECTED and DANGEROUS before turning back to the computer.</p><p>You don’t know how long you’re stuck in the room, but finally someone walks in, an older man with a grey beard. Dr. Johansson greets him, calling him dr. Kerberos, before handing him the files.</p><p>”What are you doing with… <em> them</em>?” dr. Johansson asks hesitantly.</p><p>Dr. Kerberos smiles sweetly and takes her hand. ”Don’t worry, Hanna. We’re not going to kill your precious pet. We’re going to capture them for you to be reunited. And why are you so scared? They’re our most successful sleeper agent; we don’t want to jeopardize that for a broken facility.”</p><p>Your blood runs cold and that blasted ringing noise is back, drowning out their last words. Numbly, you leave behind dr. Kerberos and reunite with Wanda and Loki at the designated point.</p><p>Loki has found the elevator while Wanda had someone copy all the available files to a USB and give it to her.</p><p>They start making their way back up but Loki notices you haven’t moved. With a silent question, he takes your hand and drags you with him. None of you say a word until you’re back at the cars. You’re the first group back.</p><p>”I’ll go do some recon,” Wanda says after taking a look at your haunted face. ”Scream if anyone comes.”</p><p>Loki waits until she’s gone to ask what’s wrong. Where do you even being? The fact that the sweet woman you so dearly loved happens to be <em> the top scientist </em> running Kattanja? As a child, you knew her only by her nickname, Han, and you only ever saw her in the barracks. Hadn’t she been an intern at the time? At least that’s what she’d said the first time they met.</p><p>But dr. Hanna Johansson had been the lead scientist in Kattanja’s Swedish branch for years before you met Han.</p><p>The most preposterous thing you learned should have been you being a sleeper agent, but you can’t think past her still caring for you. Or your results. As dr. Kerberos said, you’re the best they have.</p><p>Loki stares at you, wide-eyed and shocked. ”You’re a Hydra sleeper agent?”</p><p>You nod. ”This is insane. All I ever wanted was peace and quiet, somewhere to belong. The Avengers is my home, my family, and now—” Loki holds you as you begin to weep. ”I can’t even stop crying! All I ever do is crying. I’m pathetic! I thought I could leave it behind me, and now I’m their agent? Fuck me, it’s lucky they haven’t activated me yet!”</p><p>”Ssh, ssh, we’re going to get through this,” Loki promises. ”You have that Stark guy, right? And Captain America. They should know what to do.”</p><p>”I’m a sleeper agent, Loki!” you explain in exasperation. ”You should kill me, not pity me! This, this isn’t me. This is some other persona they created. I-I… I… I don’t know who I am.”</p><p>”I do. You’re my friend, and I’ll burn this world to the ground before I let anyone hurt you. For once, I’ll be the one to look after you. But I won’t let anyone kill you. You hear me?”</p><p>You sob, wiping your eyes and nod. ”Thank you. Thank you so much.”</p><p>He plants a kiss on your forehead. ”You showed me kindness when no one else did. You trusted me when everyone else turned their back on me. Now it’s my turn.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0018"><h2>18. Chapter 18</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Sides are taken.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Natasha drives all the way back to Övre Soppero. No one says anything; the tension threatening to devour you all if you so much as open your mouths.</p><p>You sit in the back seat behind Natasha, looking gloomily out the window while holding Loki’s hand. Wanda sits to his right, throwing worried glances at you from time to time.</p><p>Back at the hotel, you all gather in a conference room to go through everything you learned.</p><p>The barracks were full of children of all ages, ranging from newly born to fifteen years old. According to Natasha and Clint, some of them looked sick, almost dying, while others had healthy pink cheeks and nice clothing. The better-off children all at some point showed off their abilities, either to bully the weaker ones or to train.</p><p>You explain, without letting any emotions through, that the weaker children are the ones that either cannot control their newfound abilities, or haven’t developed. Any. The undeveloped ones usually die young, but some, if they survive, go on to become Hydra agents. The uncontrollable children are killed off if they can’t learn to control their powers, because they’re too risky to keep.</p><p>No one asks how you know this.</p><p>Wanda and Loki shares what they’ve found as well, and finally it’s your turn.</p><p>You clench your fists together under the table, looking at its white surface. ”When I was born, I was taken from the hospital and replaced.” You quickly retell the story of your life. ”The woman that used to read me stories, I saw her.”</p><p>After some more explanation, the room is filled with dread and shock. But you still haven’t told them the worst part.</p><p>Loki moves closer to you and takes your hand. ”I’ll tell them,” he says, and you nod.</p><p>It doesn’t come as a surprise when they all freak out.</p><p>”We’d know if we had traitors in our midst!” Wanda exclaims, taking your free hand. ”I’ve checked every single one of you, and I haven’t seen anything strange!”</p><p>”You can’t read minds, dear,” Vision says matter-of-factly.</p><p>”Sush!” Wanda bites back.</p><p>It’s Cap that finally ends the angry conversation. ”Bucky’s like you,” he says, and everyone goes dead silent. Cap looks at you and you finally look up to meet his gaze. ”Bucky didn’t remember who he was or that he knew me. He wasn’t a sleeper agent but the principle is mostly the same.” He wets his lips and looks at you in anguish. ”I’ve met sleeper agents before. They’re dangerous. We… we can’t let you jeopardize our cause. Do you understand?”</p><p>Both Loki and Wanda immediately come to your defence, but you silence them with a squeeze of their hands. ”I understand,” you say and send Natasha a grateful smile. You didn’t miss her hesitancy since the debate broke out. ”Do what you have to.”</p><p>The rest of them report back to Fury and they all pack their belongings. This time, mr. Stark calls his private jet and they all go home together.</p><p>”Aren’t you visiting your family or friends?” Natasha asks on the plane. ”You’re finally back in Sweden, after all.”</p><p>You look out the window but don’t see anything. ”My biological parents don’t know me and I don’t want to put my friends in danger. No, I’m not seeing them.” You stand up and walk over to Loki. He leans back into his chair and lets you use him as a pillow.</p><p>* * * * *</p><p>* * *</p><p>* * * * *</p><p>Coming back to the Avengers HQ is weird. Instead of going to your bedroom, you’re redirected to Loki’s. It really is a prison, with steel walls, no windows and cameras and sensors everywhere. At least you’re not separated from Loki anymore.</p><p>A week goes by, in which you have managed to finish <em> Avatar: the Last Airbender </em> , <em> Supernatural </em> and some films. Of course, Loki is by your side through all of them.</p><p>To keep your mind off of Sweden, Loki asks you to tell him everything you know about Norse mythology. When you’re done with that, he asks about the Greek, then the Asian ones. At the end of the week, you have just finished your information dump on the Egyptian pantheon when the door opens and Wanda pokes her head in.</p><p>”Finally!” Loki exclaims in irritation. ”Was it really that hard to get a hold of a photo album and pen and paper?”</p><p>Wanda scowls at him and hands you a bag. While you look through it, she bickers with Loki.</p><p>”Of course it was hard! We had to determine if they can be used as weapons. Mind you, they’re incredibly intelligent and helps create our suits and gear. Yes, we have to be extra careful!”</p><p>”Oh, come on, a pen? <em> Photographs </em>? My dear, you are aggravatingly paranoid. All of you!” He glances at you. ”Can you get some more books?”</p><p>Wanda’s scowl softens immediately. ”Yes, of course. I’ll ask Vision for help.” She leaves you alone.</p><p>”Tell me about this one,” Loki says, back to snuggling against you in the sofa, pointing at a picture of your eleventh birthday. ”How was your foster parents?”</p><p>* * * * *</p><p>* * *</p><p>* * * * *</p><p>Three more weeks go by without seeing much of the Avengers. Only Wanda and occasionally Natasha comes to visit and check you haven’t gone mad. Only bored to death, you say every time they come, but not mad. Yet.</p><p>You can’t thank Loki enough for the mountains of white sheets of paper he’s asked for. The thing most distracting and productive in your world is sketching. At first, it was gear for all of them, even Bucky, though you only showed Loki those. Then, it was suits. They went from Bucky’s Winter Soldier suit—tight, dark or neutral colours—to Cap’s suit in 1943, with colours and symbols everywhere, much like the comic superheroes you grew up with.</p><p>Somewhere at the end of week two, you started drawing people. Your first choice was mr. Stark, seeing as he introduced you to the Avengers and took you under his wings. Next was Wanda, because after Sokovia, the two of you bonded and she’s been somewhat of a sister to you since. When you got through the Avengers, you started on Happy, Pepper, Peter and his friend Ned, that he’d shown you a picture of during your training sessions.</p><p>Loki was always close by, giving positive or negative criticism, always with a small smile on his lips.</p><p>You drew Thor last, even after Peter and Ned. As soon as Loki saw the sketch, his eyes turned dark and he averted them. He didn’t say much about it once complete. Barely glanced at it and murmured, ”Just like him.”</p><p>A few days later, in the middle of week three, you walked up to him watching TV and handed him the finished drawing of him.</p><p>”It’s… it’s good,” he’d said, his voice filled with emotion. ”When did you… when did you draw this?”</p><p>”I started it at the same time as Wanda’s,” you happily explained, plopping down on the sofa, ”and then I kept drawing while drawing the others.”</p><p>He’d nodded, then, still not taking his eyes of the drawing. You smiled as his finger followed the outlines of his face.</p><p>”I can… Can I ask you to…” He closed his eyes. ”Nevermind.”</p><p>Whatever he’d wanted to ask, you didn’t know. What you did know, however, was that it pained him both to ask and to keep quiet about it. So you set to nag him until he told you.</p><p>* * * * *</p><p>* * *</p><p>* * * * *</p><p>At the end of the third week of your confinement, while you two are watching <em> Wreck-It Ralph </em> , Loki keeps glancing at you with a hesitant look. You wait for him to speak first, letting him gather courage and strength, but the film’s credits start to roll and Disney’s <em> Tangled </em> starts playing.</p><p>You sigh deeply and meet his gaze. ”I’ve been waiting for the better part of the last film for you to say something, Loki. Is it that hard to talk about?”</p><p>He regretfully looks away. ”I don’t have any right to ask you.”</p><p>”Tell me first, and then we can determine that.” You move to lean against him. ”Tell me, bestie, what’s wrong.”</p><p>He snorts and arches an eyebrow at you. ”I don’t particularly remember you being my best friend.”</p><p>You shrug nonchalantly. ”Doesn’t me being your only friend automatically make me your best one, too?”</p><p>He grins. ”Since when did we agree to be friends?”</p><p>”I think it was somewhere along the lines of going on a life-changing trip together.”</p><p>”You stole that from Toph!” he says, faking offence. ”How dare you!”</p><p>”Well, was I wrong?”</p><p>His playful mood dissipates and he once again looks at you miserably. ”You’re also adopted,” he finally says.</p><p>You give him an unimpressed look. ”We established that ages ago, but yes.” At his rejected puppy eyes, you sigh. ”Sorry. Yes, I am. What about it?”</p><p>”If you had a big fight with your parents, that left you… outside the family, do you think they’d appreciate it if you asked for their picture to be drawn?”</p><p>”Of course,” you say without hesitation, looking at him in surprise. ”Why wouldn’t they be happy about it? Loki, look at me. I don’t know Frigga or Odin very well, but even though you’re adopted, you’re still their child, and they love you.”</p><p>He scoffs quietly, as if he finds it hard to believe. ”Odin doesn’t have much trust in me.”</p><p>”It’s not about trust, but love. You can love someone even if you don’t trust them. Look at Thor.” You take his hands and look him in the eye. ”If they’re decent parents, it doesn’t matter how much you fight, they will always love you and wish the best for you. Showing them you still love and think about them by asking for their picture, that’s a great idea. And if you don’t plan on telling them, that’s fine too. I draw for my own sake, too. If you want drawings to look at, I’ll provide them for you.”</p><p>”Really?” His voice is uncharacteristically quiet.</p><p>”Yes, Loki. I consider us friends, and as your friend, I want to support you. So,” you say with the brightest smile you can make, ”care to conjure up some illusions I can draw?”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0019"><h2>19. Chapter 19</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Going rogue.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>”Where did you travel to in your youth?” Loki asks the fourth week, sitting on the floor, reading Neil Gaiman’s <em> Odd and the Frost Giants </em>.</p><p>”I spent at least a week of summer on Öland,” you say absentmindedly, drawing Emma and Bucky. ”Also, you make it sound like I’m old. I’m twenty-one, thank you very much.”</p><p>He smirks and looks up from the book. ”According to your math, I’m probably younger than you, anyway.”</p><p>”I so regret telling you that.”</p><p>”Keep talking. I want to know.”</p><p>You sneak a glance at him and smile. He started reading that book only an hour ago and has come quite far. ”Well, you know I visited Rome, but my maternal grandparents—adoptive, not biological—have a house in Spain they visit every summer. So I used to travel down there, too. Otherwise, when I was thirteen, my parents took me to Xiamen, Shanghai and Longyan in China. Dad was there for business for a week while mum and I were on vacation.”</p><p>”Was it nice?”</p><p>”Hot as hell, but yes. I saw many beautiful places and ate odd but delicious food.”</p><p>”No wonder you loved it when we were there. I personally didn’t take well to the duck eggs.”</p><p>You grin. ”At least you didn’t have to eat their feet! The last day, mum and dad were offered them as delicacies. I’ve never seen them so disgusted.” You both laugh loudly. ”And you? Have you ever been outside Asgard, or the palace?”</p><p>He stops laughing and eyes you with in disappointment. ”We’ve already established that, but yes, I’ve been outside of Asgard.”</p><p>You roll your eyes. ”As a means to relax, not to murder people.”</p><p>He frowns. ”Then, no, I haven’t.”</p><p>”Where have you been?”</p><p>”Nifelheim, Mannaheim, Vanaheim, Jotunheim—”</p><p>”Mannaheim?” you interrupt him. ”It sounds familiar.”</p><p>He nods and walks over to you. ”Should be, since you know so much already. Mannaheim is Earth, home of humans. Of <em> man </em>kind. Midgard is just a collection of Mannaheim, Alfheim and Svarthalfheim.”</p><p>You excitedly nod. ”And Asgard is made up of Asaheim, Vanaheim and Muspelheim, right?”</p><p>He nods in approval. ”Seems like you remember after all.”</p><p>You blow him a kiss. ”Of course I do. I have excellent memory!” Then you remember he mentioned Jotunheim. ”You’ve met the Frost Giants?”</p><p>Pain and panic flash across his face before he manages to mask his expression. By then, it’s too late.</p><p>”Loki…”</p><p>He shakes his head. ”It was a few years ago. And long story short, it got me to a bad place. I… no, let’s talk about something else.”</p><p>So he knows. He definitely knows he’s Jotun.</p><p>Curious, you can’t help but probe. ”Do you hate them? The Frost Giants, I mean.”</p><p>More pained expressions. ”Yes.”</p><p>”Does Asgardian parents tell stories about them? To their children, I mean. As a cautionary tale?”</p><p>”Well, yes, they do, but…” He looks like he’s about to cry. You’ve pushed him too far.</p><p>”Let’s watch some TV, hm?” you offer.</p><p>He returns your smile and you go sit down by the TV. You get halfway through a nature documentary when something in your mind clicks loudly. Names and faces pop up in you head and you calmly rise from the sofa.</p><p>Loki looks up at you in surprise. ”Where are you going? Ah, don’t bother. That door is impossible to br—” His jaw falls as you clench your first and punch the door. It’s pierced by solid oxygen and you walk through the remains as if nothing’s happened. ”What in Muspelheim’s— Wait!” Horrified, Loki runs after you. ”What just happened? Why didn’t you do that sooner? Can you <em> please </em> stop and look at me?”</p><p>You roll your eyes and form small daggers of oxygen. When the hidden door in the wall opens to reveal a concerned Vision, he’s bombarded with the daggers and falls limply to the side.</p><p>”One down, a lot to go,” you mutter to yourself and walk up the stairs.</p><p>”What?” Loki asks dumbfoundedly. ”Who? Are going to kill them?” He takes a hold of your arm. ”Wait a moment, what in hel is this about?” You glare at him and he realises what’s happened. ”You’re activated, aren’t you?”</p><p>”Took you forever to realise.” You shake him off of you. ”Now, where do you think they are?”</p><p>”Is Thor on your hit list?”</p><p>”He’s an Avengers,” you say as-a-matter-of-factly, as if THat’s the answer he’s seeking. Which, when he stops to think about it, it is.</p><p>He runs up to you again. ’They’re your friends, your family! You will <em> never </em>forgive yourself if you kill them.”</p><p>”Not like I have a choice, also, the fact doesn’t upset me anymore.”</p><p>The stairs come to an end and you try opening the door, but Loki stops you yet again. He stands in front of the door, his eyes conveying immense sadness and pain. ”Is that you, or your command speaking?”</p><p>Your laugh makes him jump in surprise. ”How would I know? Apparently I’m not totally Who I thought I was. Now move, or I’ll add you to the list, too.”</p><p>He doesn’t stop you from walking past him.</p><p>”What in the world—” Cap shouts at the other end of the corridor you appear in. ”How did you…?”</p><p>”I hate to be the bearer of bad news,” Loki says, ramming you into the wall to stop you from hitting the man with you ability, ”but they’ve gone Hydra.”</p><p>”<em> What </em>?!” Cap exclaims and stops. ”Is there anything you can do?”</p><p>Loki snorts and then grunts as you push him off you. Cap’s shield stops your attack from mauling him. ”You think I can stop <em> that </em>?” Loki asks rhetorically. He pauses before cursing. ”You own me one, Captain!” he shouts before embracing you from behind. It feels as if the ground disappears before you find yourself in the middle of a forest.</p><p>”Where are we?” you demand to know. ”Loki, what the—” You’re thrown into the mossy ground with a grunt.</p><p>”To hel with you!” Loki screams angrily. ”I’ve been working my arse off and you just— What the— Why aren’t you <em> fighting </em>?!” He kicks a tree and it falls on the ground.</p><p>Sitting cross legged on the ground, you sigh. ”Because every time I fight, they hurt me or my friends.”</p><p>”You freed yourself from them!” he says accusingly. ”It’s been years since they laid s hand on you.”</p><p>You nod in agreement. ”But I haven’t forgotten. I never will. And let me remind you that they now <em> are </em> in control of me. I have a list to follow and someone in my brain—don’t look like that, why else do you think I’d kill Vision without flinching?” He whispers something you can’t hear. ”Loki, I <em> have </em> to do this. It’s my job, what I was brought up to do.”</p><p>”The Avengers didn’t even exist twenty years ago!”</p><p>True, but it would be easy enough to add people to the hit list as time goes on. They already did so with the Avengers.</p><p>”If you knew who the people on my list are, you wouldn’t be so angry,” you mutter.</p><p>Loki arches an eyebrow. ”Then <em> please</em>, be my guest. Convince me.”</p><p>You grin. ”Then take me to Harrijärvi.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0020"><h2>20. Chapter 20</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Pew, pew pew pew, pew.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I know shite about brains and the science behind them. I did my research but I simply cannot wrap my head around it. There's a reason I'm studying to become a teacher and not a doctor.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It takes ages until Loki agrees to teleport you back to Sweden. Before you enter the building, he turns the both of you invisible and you calmly follow a guard inside. Now, with additional information swirling in your head, you have no problem navigating the sterile facility.</p><p>Three stories down, you exit the elevator with two scientists and follow them to a conference room, where they, together with other doctors and whatnot, are waiting for a meeting to start.</p><p>You smile gleefully as dr. Johansson and dr. Kerberos enters. Loki glares at you from the side, squeezing your shoulder in a silent warning. You never quite told him who you were here for, just that they will be in the facility.</p><p>The meeting starts.</p><p>”I welcome you all to this briefing and I’m delighted you all could make it here on such a short notice,” dr. Kerberos says, his eyes gleaming in the light. ”Not even two hours ago, we activated PR10.”</p><p>A quiet murmur spreads across the attendants. More than a few of them looks at the doctor, clearly uncomfortable.</p><p>”I know, I know. PR10 is suspicious at best, but our tests have worked wonders. We have a GPS and other tracking devices set to monitor their every move.” The wall behind him light up. Turns out it’s a high tech touch screen. On it, you see your profile and a few GPS maps. ”As you can see, PR10 has already discarded an Avenger.”</p><p>An older man raises his hand. ”That child has shown severe signs of disloyalty and was the hardest to tame. How did you manage that?”</p><p>Dr. Kerberos sneers before diving into a complex explanation of the science behind your brainwashing.</p><p>A light squeeze on your shoulder, then, ”What the hel are we doing here?”</p><p>You glance at Loki. ”Killing them,” you say and snap your fingers. Sharp, terrified screams has Loki looking back at the scientists and gasp. Most of them now has the sharp edge of solid oxygen going through their bodies.</p><p>The document behind a dead silent and surprised dr. Kerberos immediately starts writing additional names, this time in red and crossed over.</p><p>”We’ve been had,” dr. Johansson whispers in dread. ”They’re here! PR10 is <em> here</em>!”</p><p>”Those bastards,” dr. Kerberos growls. ”They’ve kicked us from the program! They’re silencing us. How dare they!?”</p><p>Dr. Johansson has woken from her shock and stands up, white as a sheet. ”Doesn’t matter, but we have to leave, <em> now </em>.”</p><p>You move away from Loki and look dr. Johansson in the eye. She gasps, meaning the spell covering you has broken. ”I don’t think so,” you say slowly, with a predatory smile on your face. ”I have my orders, you see, and you of all people should know I’m going to follow them.”</p><p>Dr. Johansson sobs and looks at you, pleading. ”Please, don’t kill me. I-I gave you a name! A name, you hear me? I gave you a life, an identity. A hobby!”</p><p>You glare at her. ”I discarded that godforsaken name a long time ago, Han. I mean, why would I want to be reminded of you every time I say my name? No, I couldn’t keep it. Every time someone called me Robin I had flashbacks of this place.”</p><p>”P-please. I loved you like—”</p><p>”If you tell me I was like family to you, I’ll drop you from the elevator shack.”</p><p>She lets out a terrified whimper, but doesn’t try anything else.</p><p>You turn to dr. Kerberos. ”I always wondered if that was your real name. Care to tell me? If you do, I’ll kill her first and let you live a moment longer.”</p><p>Dr. Johansson gasps and looks at dr. Kerberos, but he doesn’t bat an eye. ”It’s not. It comes from the Greek legends of Cerberus, Hades’ three-headed dog. I quite like how it guards the door to the Underworld, you see.”</p><p>You nod and from your pocket you pick up a gun. All three of them stare at you in silent surprise. ”What? I can’t trust my powers, you know. I’ve always been terrified of the coldness. Thanks for that, by the way.” And with those icy words, you shoot dr. Johansson in the face. She falls to the floor like a limp marionette doll. ”And now…”</p><p>The door behind you is kicked open by a team of black-clad soldiers. You give them the evil eye. They start shooting and immediately yelp. The bullets ricochet against the wall of oxygen you put up.</p><p>”I am so not impressed by this…”</p><p>Loki taps you on the shoulder. ”He still tricked you,” he says, nodding at the hidden door closing around dr. Kerberos’ fleeing form.</p><p>”Aw, shite.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0021"><h2>21. Chapter 21</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Loki is once and for all your BFF.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>”Doesn’t this remind you of something?” Loki asks incredulously as he looks around the hotel room. ”Like, didn’t we do this a couple months back? And why Germany of all places?”</p><p>You plop down onto the bed and look up at the white ceiling. About one fifth of your list is complete. If the rest of the scientists, politicians and whatnot are all gathered at the same place, you can finish everything in a matter of days and… what then? Turn yourself in and rot away in a prison? Is that preferable to a life on the run? Not if you have Loki and his magic, but he’s done being the bad guy and wants to prove himself, so why he’s even here with you is a mystery, though you’re not going to complain.</p><p>”—listening to me? Helloooooo?” Loki pokes your leg. ”Dammit, look at me when I’m speaking! This is important.”</p><p>”I’m trying to figure out how to best complete my mission,” you snap. ”Then I have to figure out what the hell I’m supposed to do with my life. I can’t really go back to the Avengers, now can I? <em> ’Hello mr. Stark, hello Cap. I’m terribly sorry I had to go finish my assassination mission, but I’m back and ready to be forgiven.' </em> Should I say that?”</p><p>He glares at you in frustration. ”Of course not! Instead of running around murdering people left to right, start fighting and find out who’s behind the command, kill <em> them </em> and then you can go back.”</p><p>”I always believed dr. Johansson and dr. Kerberos were the ones in charge,” you point out. ”It wasn’t until I got the list that I realised someone else was commanding them.”</p><p>”Then let’s go back and get some information!”</p><p>You curl into a fetal position and close your eyes. ”I’m dead tired, Loki. Despite what you think of me now, I don’t actually want to do this. But half my thoughts are telling me to go on until I’m done. I <em> am </em> fighting, okay? Me being here and not halfway back to HQ to finish the Avengers is a miracle.”</p><p>”Fine then!” Loki spits, throwing his hands up in surrender. ”Then I have no choice but to go back myself and get that stupid information. Don’t move!” He disappears before you can point out that Kattanja wouldn’t be so stupid as to have such information just lying around. Nor do you have time to point out the place should crawl with Hydra agents about now, there to clean up the mess you caused.</p><p>* * * * *</p><p>* * *</p><p>* * * * *</p><p>The door opens some time later and you open one eye to see who it is. The man is dressed in a black, obviously expensive suit with his hair combed back.</p><p>”Greetings, PR10,” the man says. ”Took us a while to track you down.”</p><p>You snort. ”What do you want, Heinrich?” A tick works its magic on his forehead, above the eyebrow and you suppress a smirk.</p><p>”I have come here in person to explain a few things for you, things we haven’t had time to… download to your brain.” He grimaces. ”That list you have, it’s incorrect. The wrong names have been give to you, and I came to deliver the right version.” He opens the black bag he’s brought, as if he’s hiding stacks of money in it.</p><p>You roll your eyes and sit up with your legs crossed. ”You’re boring me, Heinrich. I thought you’d be a challenge.” You can see the sweat running down his forehead and grin like the Cheshire cat from <em> Alice in Wonderland </em>. ”I’m surprised you went to visit me, considering your name’s on the list…”</p><p>”As I said, it’s wrong,” he mutters and hands you a printed version. ”What you have is an outdated list. I’ve been cleared.”</p><p>You snap your fingers and his chest explodes from the sudden ice, frost and coldness erupting from within. He falls dead to the floor. ”It’s got the Avengers on it, moron,” you sigh. ”It’s not outdated.”</p><p>* * * * *</p><p>* * *</p><p>* * * * *</p><p>Loki is appalled to find a dead man at your feet, but after the explanation is quick to move you out of the country.</p><p>”I’ve always wanted to visit Russia,” you say happily.</p><p>”Yeah, yeah, whatever,” Loki grumbles from the corner of your new hotel room.</p><p>”Did you find anything?”</p><p>He glares at you from underneath a blanket. ”I did, thank you very much. The top leader I could find for your project’s name is—and I doubt I’m pronouncing this correctly—Daiyu Shui, a Chinese scientist researching brains. From what I gather, she’s terrifying.”</p><p>”It’s Shui Daiyu,” you correct him absentmindedly. ”The Chinese put their surnames first. It’s got to do with olden times, when their clan names were more important than their individual—”</p><p>”I’m sure I’ll find it intriguing at a later date, too,” Loki snaps. ”But for now, please concentrate on the matter at hand.” You roll your eyes and he nearly throws one of the lamps at you. ”Can you for the love of Ginnungagap take this a tad more seriously?! It’s your future we’re worrying about! Your <em> life</em>!”</p><p>”Why are you so adamant in helping me?” you ask curiously. He doesn’t benefit from this at all. On the contrary, helping you as you are right now would lead to his imprisonment or even execution.</p><p>”You said it yourself! I’m your best friend, and honestly speaking, I’ve taken a liking to you and don’t find it funny you’re being taken from me. I want you by my side so can you please get your head out of your arse and listen to me?”</p><p>For the first time in hours, you give him a genuine smile. ”All right, I will. But don’t expect me to stop running around killing people. I’d rather kill them than have Kattanja or even Hydra’s best assassins get rid of me.”</p><p>”They’re nothing but puny mortals,” Loki sneers in contempt. ”You’re much more powerful than them.”</p><p>”Forgot I’m under their control,” you sing quietly, still smiling at him. </p><p>The sound of cars driving past the building drowns out his quiet curses. ”You’re going to be the death of me.”</p><p>”Be careful, or you might be right,” you say, not smiling anymore. ”Shui can put you on that list at any moment, Loki. Don’t piss them off too much.”</p><p>”Mhm.” He doesn’t sound convinced, but you can’t do more than nag him about it. It’s up to him to do the right thing. Though you’re not at all upset he’s chosen to stay by your side.</p><p>”You know what?” he says after a few minutes of silence. ”I need ice cream. Then you can write down your hit list, and we can decide who deserves to die and who we’ll try to save. I mean, not all of them can be discarded Hydra or Kattanja agents, right?”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0022"><h2>22. Chapter 22</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Blackouts and murders.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>There’s a hundred and twenty-two names on your list, and you’ve killed about fifteen of them. Not even ten of the remaining names are defected or corrupted Hydra and Kattanja agents, meaning Loki’s plan of giving the ”good” people more time by killing the agents will be a challenge.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Two of the corrupted agents, a mr. and mrs. Smith—you immediately starts giggling and even after explaining the film to Loki, he’s not at all amused—are currently residing it St. Petersburg, Russia, and Loki teleports you there without effort. You get rid of them and their bodies easily enough and move on to the next targets. While you’re occupied with that, Loki leaves you to call in on the Avengers, see how they’re faring as well as letting them in on your not very well-planned plan.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Unsurprisingly enough, the Avengers aren’t optimistic about the whole let’s-go-kill-the-mastermind-before-you-kill-innocents plan, but mostly because it’s unrealistic and you don’t know where to find the mad scientist.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The second night after the murder of mr. and mrs. Smith, you go to bed only to wake up hours later in some stranger’s bedroom, covered in blood. Instead of being horrified—as you would be if you were in your right state of mind—you curiously look around for clues as to where the hell you are. And who the hell you just killed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>According to the man’s bloody ID-card, you have just brutally slaughtered the Winston family, a couple of politically active people opposing Hydra. It doesn’t surprise you and you look through the house for signs of survivals, but it seems you managed to get rid of them all before you woke up. Shite.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You call Loki, who’s half-hysterical at this point, and ask him to come to the Winston family’s address to pick you up. You briefly toy with the thought of getting rid of their bodies, but decide to fuck it, Hydra can take care of it if they want to, and leave the building.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Loki gapes at you when he sees you, covered in blood from head to toe. ”This is not going according to plan,” he manages to say and teleports you back to your hotel room, now situated in Madrid, Spain.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>”It’s not. Maybe you should tie me up at night,” you suggest.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When he realises you’re not joking, he nods to himself and disappears to discuss it with the Avengers.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You’re waiting for his arrival when something moves in the back of your head and you black out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>* * * * *</span>
</p><p>
  <span>* * *</span>
</p><p>
  <span>* * * * *</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The sound of screeching tires wakes you from your trance. You’re in the middle of a highway, looking at the oncoming traffic without batting an eye. At least not until a car drives too close to you and hits your arm with the mirror. You fly backwards and land on the road with a grunt.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You jump up and rush through the deadly traffic to the other side, where you keep running into the forest, cursing yourself, your brain and Hydra. Why can’t you just babysit Loki so he doesn’t wreck havoc anywhere, like the plan originally intended? Now you’ve travelled the world with him, heard him talking about sleeping gods, seen him crying, had him confiscated, forced to relive your childhood trauma and now you’re stuck playing assassin to the very people that stole you from your parents and made your life hell. What a life. What a world to live in. Hallelujah.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A red barn appears at the end of the forest and you argue with yourself for a moment. It may not be a very wise decision to waltz up to the door, knock and ask ”Hello, where am I?” What if you go Hydra again and kill the poor farmers? But still, you need to know if you want Loki to come get you.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Instead of visiting the farmers, you follow the dirt road leading to their house until you find a sign with the address on it.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>”Where the hel have you—”</span>
  </em>
  <span> is Loki’s greeting as soon as he picks up the phone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>”I’m in Sweden,” you interrupt him. ”Care to come get me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The line is quiet for a moment. </span>
  <em>
    <span>”You owe me a long vacation.”</span>
  </em>
  <span> He doesn’t sound half as angry as you expect him to.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He appears in the middle of the road and looks at you in relief. ”Did you kill anyone?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You shake your head. ”At least I don’t think so. I regained consciousness on the highway. Nearly got run over.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>”Good. I also have positive news.” He offers you his hand and you take it. ”Dr. Banner found dr. Shui.”</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Note that Loki is Norse. When he swears, much like MC, he's using Norse creatures etc. "Hel" in this case is derived from Helheim, the Norse Underworld ruled by (in the original mythology) his own daughter Hel (Hela in English). So no, it's not a typo.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0023"><h2>23. Chapter 23</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>A little bit of everything.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I'm back with a few new chapters! Soon will mark the end of the second arc of the story.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Dr. Shui is a short, black-haired Chinese woman in her 40’s, dressed in a grey suit and with dark, angry eyes. It’s understandable she’s angry, considering she’s tied to a chair in a security chamber designed to hold the Hulk in case he goes bonkers.</p><p>When you and Loki enter the room, she immediately starts spewing Chinese so fast you barely understand her.</p><p>”You! You [unknown] little [unknown]! Why are you here? What are you doing helping [unknown]?”</p><p>Mr. Stark, who's standing by the control panels with dr. Banner, glances at you. ”What’s she saying?”</p><p>You snort. ”Right now she’s cursing the living daylight out of us. Honestly, I barely understand her.” You’re grateful she’s speaking Hanyu instead of any other dialect, in which case you wouldn’t have understood a word.</p><p>”Dr. Shui,” you interrupt her speech in Mandarin, ”it’s a displeasure to finally meet you.”</p><p>She glares at all of you. ”What do you want, PR10?”</p><p>”You seriously need to stop calling me that,” you sigh. ”I’m not a robot, but a human. And I have a name.” You grin as Loki glances at you. You both remember you saying the same thing to him a few months back.</p><p>”Why aren’t you trying to kill them?” she asks. ”The [unknown] should have been perfect.”</p><p>You shrug. Though you may know a lot about tech, you’re worthless when it comes to the body and its functions. ”The brain isn’t a computer. At least, it’s a supercomputer, and organic. I doubt your brainwashing helped as much as you thought. Well, whatever. How you did it isn’t as important as what you can do to fix it.”</p><p>She frowns. ”What do you mean, fix it?”</p><p>”I’m having continuous debates with myself,” you deadpan, ”about murdering my friends and family. My emotions are doing weird stuff where they’re impeded and I barely feel a thing. And I have this fricking list in my head that I’m obsessing with to an astonishing degree. It’s all I can think about. And let’s not mention the blackouts. What’s up with those? Are they your doing?”</p><p>Dr. Shui cocks her head to the side with a wide grin. She looks every bit as the mad scientist she is. ”My poor, poor child, how it must hurt to know you have no choice but to end the lives of your friends.”</p><p>You glare daggers at her and Loki puts his hand on your shoulder.</p><p>”I won’t say a word more.” And true to her promise, she doesn’t, whatever you say.</p><p>* * * * *</p><p>* * *</p><p>* * * * *</p><p>”And these chains can stop the Hulk?” you ask, skeptical as you let Wanda and Loki chain you where you stand.</p><p>”In theory,” Wanda says gently.</p><p>Oh, fabulous. But it’s not like you have a choice. It’s either try these wonky inventions or go wait for the next blackout. Speaking of that, dr. Banner thinks you blacking out is a direct result of not complying with your orders. Wonderful.</p><p>“How long do you think it’ll take for dr. Shui to talk?” you ask, trying not to think of how uncomfortable the chains are. How are you supposed to go to the toilet?</p><p>“Tony Stark said something about letting Natasha work her magic,” Wanda replies. She backs away to look at her masterpiece. “You look positively chained.”</p><p>You snort. “Was that supposed to be a joke?”</p><p>As soon as Wanda’s out the door, you grunt. “I can’t move. I know it’s the point, but wow, this feels much worse than I originally thought.”</p><p>“It’s for your best,” Loki said gently. “Sit down and I’ll read you a story.”</p><p>You slowly make your way to the bed and roll on top of the covers. Loki pulls out a book from one of your bookshelves and sits down.</p><p>“‘Mr. and Mrs. Dursley of number four, Privet Drive, were proud to say that they were perfectly normal…’”</p><p>* * * * *</p><p>* * *</p><p>* * * * *</p><p>It’s been days, now. Days of being fed, help getting up from lying or sitting down, help brushing your teeth, going to the toilet… It’s a miracle you haven’t gone mad. Loki certainly has, having to live in the same room as you, hearing you complain day in and day out. He rarely snaps at you, though.</p><p>But it’s so boring not being able to do anything. You can’t draw, can’t sketch, can’t <em> read</em>.</p><p>The blackouts happen at least twice a day. You feel something heavy in your head, lose consciousness and wake up with half the Avengers assembled, surrounding you. So far, the chains have stopped you from doing anything harmful, but who knows how long it will take for them to break? They’ve already started cracking.</p><p>Dr. Shui still isn’t speaking. You don’t know what Natasha is doing to her, but you wish it would work.</p><p>The door opens and Clint waves at you. He sits down on the chair beside the bed, pen and paper at the ready. “So, any changes to the list?” This is a common question. Once a day someone comes to check if the hit list has been updated and whose name has disappeared or been added.</p><p>“Someone named only as dr. Strange has been added,” you reply happily. Faking smiles used to be hard, but you’ve had time to refine the art of faking them for the last couple of years— you mean days. “How’s Vision?”</p><p>“Stark managed to save him.” Clint pats your head. “Dr. Strange… This whole situation is a bit strange, don’t you think? Might want to give the guy a call.”</p><p>From the sofa you hear Loki laugh.</p><p>“A boy I used to be friends with has also been added. His new name is Anaximander.”</p><p>“New name?”</p><p>You nod. “We didn’t have names, we had numbers. I was nr. 10 of Project Ragnarök, so they called me PR10. But dr. Johansson called me Robin.”</p><p>Loki turns to look at you. “Speaking of which, do you know why she did it?”</p><p>“No, but I knew she liked me a lot. Maybe she named me because I was her favourite?”</p><p>The men nod slowly. “Maybe,” Loki agreed. “She can’t have been family, right?”</p><p>You laugh dryly. “Definitely not. I researched the Rehnholm family for as far back as I could. Apparently one of my ancestors secretly had a child with a Swedish king, though I don’t remember his name.”</p><p>“So you’re royalty?” Loki asks, surprised. To think you have <em> that </em> in common! He wouldn’t have guessed it.</p><p>“The woman was a noble lady, so at the least I’m part aristocrat. Oh, I also found out another ancestor, a farmer, fought Napoleon! According to the records, he was imprisoned but managed to escape.”</p><p>Clin grins. “You like history, eh?”</p><p>Of course you did! It was <em> fascinating </em> knowing what people several hundred years ago did and how similar they were to the modern human. “I love history, mythology, old buildings… Basically everything older than a hundred years.”</p><p>“No wonder you like Loki so much.”</p><p>Loki arch a brow. “According to their calculations, I’m actually quite young, thank you very much.”</p><p>“Oh? How young?” Clint says, a challenge in his voice.</p><p>Loki grins “Twenty.”</p><p>“<em> What</em>?”</p><p>“In human years, of course. I still am over a thousand years old, but that’s the equivalent of a young adult in your world.”</p><p>Clint stares at him in disbelief. He collects himself and turns back to you. “Any other names we should be aware of?”</p><p>“Someone named Sabine Spörk.”</p><p>“How’d you spell that?” Clint asked.</p><p>You roll your eyes. “S-a-b-i-n-e S-p-ö-r-k. She’s Swedish.”</p><p>“How’d you know that?”</p><p>“They download basic information about every target,” you deadpan. “Their age, sex, country of origin, where they live etc. To make it easier to identify them, you know.”</p><p>“And you remember all that?”</p><p>“Of course I do! What do you take me for? They <em> downloaded </em> data to my brain as if I was a computer. Yes, I remember it. They’ll see to that I don’t forget.”</p><p>“Hydra’s a monter,” Clint murmurs.</p><p>“No shit, Sherlock.” You scoff. “There are no more new names.”</p><p>Clint thanks you for your cooperation and leaves.</p><p>“Shall we continue where we left off?” Loki suggests and waves <em> Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone </em> in the air.</p><p>“Sure…”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0024"><h2>24. Chapter 24</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The solution to your problem is here.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Cap is the one relaying the news to you. Natasha broke dr. Shui and she had some curious things to share with the former KGB agent.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They don’t actually download information to your brain as if it was part of the Cloud. In reality they have a super human with the ability to plant thoughts and images in people’s minds. To release you from your—forced—duty, you have to either get them to release you from their grasp or kill them. Considering the pain and suffering they’ve had you gone through, you opt for kill first and ask later.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The Avengers doesn’t agree, surprise surprise.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Natasha also explains that the ability-user’s name is Kazuto Sasaki and that he can mentally connect to anyone anywhere if they bear his mark. Now the only problem is that you haven’t ever seen anything on your body that’s out of place.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Dr. Shui wants to speak with you,”</span>
  </em>
  <span> dr. Banner relays from the built-in speakers. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“She refuses to tell us what it is.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>So you and Loki, together with Cap, trek all the way to dr. Shui’s chamber. The woman looks worse for wear and you nod in approval. Natasha obviously did a good job.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What do you want, dr. Shui?” you ask in Mandarin.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She looks at you with dead eyes. “Kazuto is dangerous. He’s hard to control. You won’t be able to defeat him.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>You roll your eyes. “He may not have the same restrictions as the rest of us, but there </span>
  <em>
    <span>must</span>
  </em>
  <span> be something he cherishes more than anything.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She looks away in shame. “He has a little brother. Shun is his name. We’re holding him prisoner as a reassurance.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Of course you do.</span>
  </em>
  <span> “Where is he now?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>* * * * *</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>* * *</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>* * * * *</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>This has to be the worst mission you’ve ever been on. Why are you here, you may wonder? Because reasons. No one questioned you when you followed them to the plane or when mr. Stark freed you from your chains. Instead everyone equipped themselves with syringes full of sleep medicine strong enough to put down an elephant. You consider praying to all the world’s gods not to blackout, lest you get a handful of </span>
  <em>
    <span>that</span>
  </em>
  <span> in your system. Sounds marvelous being pumped full of sleep medicine that could kill you. At least dr. Banner assures you you </span>
  <em>
    <span>won’t</span>
  </em>
  <span> die.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>You fly to mt. Gassan, Yamagata Prefecture, where Kazuto lives. Mr. Stark complains it’s in the middle of nowhere, but no one pays him any mind.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The plan is for mr. Stark, Wanda, Natasha and Loki to do recon while the rest of you sit back and wait. When they give the clear, Thor, you and Cap will go after them. Dr. Banner, Vision and Clint serve as backup.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s quaint,” Loki says as you go through the small house Kazuto lives in. “Out here there are no cars, not a lot of planes… Just nature upon nature upon nature.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Note to self, bring Loki on vacation far away from other people. Lots of nature required.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>You nudge his shoulder. “I didn’t take you for an outdoor kind of person.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>His smile is strained. “I needed to be alone somewhere, and Thor was always on the training ground. Not even mother knew where I would hide.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>You take his hand. “Someday, I’d like to see your home. And your hideout.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’ll share them with you,” he promises, but doesn’t believe it will ever happen. In a few weeks, his six month trial ends and he’ll be evaluated and sent back to prison. He’ll never see you again. If he manages to get back, years would have past and you’d be old—or dead.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>You open a door and peek inside. The walls are blue, the floor dark and the furniture colourful. A child’s room, a room that hasn’t been used in a long time.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shun’s room.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>You walk over to the desk and pick up a photograph. Two Japanese boys, one around fifteen and the other around five years old, are holding each other and smiling brightly into the camera. In the background you see Gassan Ski Resort.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The door slam shut behind you. A man in his late twenties is leaning against it, arms across his chest, glaring at you. From behind him, you hear Loki shout your name.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Sasaki Kazuto,” you say in Japanese. “How nice to finally meet the puppeteer.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kazuto sneers. “I’m as much of a puppet as you, </span>
  <em>
    <span>Robin</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” He pushes himself off the door and stands in front of you. He’s tall, about Loki’s height. “Why are you here, agent?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I want you to free me.” You decide to be honest. Kazuto can force the truth out of you either way.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>His gaze roams your body with a thoughtful frown on his face. “I have strict orders. Why should I disregard them for your sake?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We have dr. Shui.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Except the excited gleam in his eyes, nothing tells you he cares about the revelation. “And?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“And she told us about Shun.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Memories of Kattanja’s experiments flashe before your eyes and you fall to your knees.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Listen here Robin, PR10 or whatever your name currently is,” Kazuto growls. “If you think you can get to me that way, I’ll kill you here and now. I’ll rip his location out of your brain and leave you here, wishing you had never been born.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I wasn’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>finished</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” you hiss, holding your head with your hand. It feels like it’s about to split open. “Holy Frigga, can you </span>
  <em>
    <span>stop</span>
  </em>
  <span>?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The memories subside and he takes a step back.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Listen here, Kazuto, I wasn’t suggesting we’d do something horrible to your brother. I was about to suggest we help you find him! And in exchange, you’ll free me from whatever blasted control you have over me.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kazuto frowns before starting to pace. “How do I know you’re legit? That this isn’t part of Hydra’s plan to get rid of me?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Firstly, why would they? You’re OP and still useful. Just look at me. Secondly, </span>
  <em>
    <span>you’re</span>
  </em>
  <span> the one in control of my thoughts; you would know what Hydra plans to put in my brain.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He looks at you as if you’re nuts and shakes his head. “I’m not the only one, </span>
  <em>
    <span>baka</span>
  </em>
  <span>. I was engineered, created, much like you were. The only difference is I am supposed to control you while you go around on your little killing spree.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>There’s more like him out there? Of course, one person can’t possibly control hundreds or thousands of agents, but the fact there are other mind controlling monsters out there waiting to take his place terrifies you.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Is there a way to stop anyone from controlling me?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He hesitates. “We mark our charges,” he whispers. “My mark is a comma of sorts. Usually behind the ear.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Your hands reach for your ears, but you don’t feel anything. Still, it’s a good place to hide markings. Your hair covers them and you can’t see behind them.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“If you give me my brother back, I’ll remove the mark.” He looks you in the eye. “I’ve dreamt of leveling Hydra to the ground. If this means I can finally leave this godforsaken place, then so be it.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>You cock your head to the side, remembering dr. Shui’s warning. “Dr. Shui said you were dangerous and hard to control, that I had to kill you. This isn’t exactly what I had in mind.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He snorts. “I hate Hydra and Kattanja equally. They stole my brother and forced me through their experiments. Like hell I’ll make anything </span>
  <em>
    <span>easy</span>
  </em>
  <span> for them.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>You nod in understanding. “So, do you want to come with us, or would you rather stay here?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“If it means finding my brother, I’ll walk to the end of the world. I’m coming with you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The door opens behind him and a panicking Loki stares at the two of you in disbelief. “Finally! What the— Who’s he? The manipulator?” He rushes over to you and check you for injuries.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>You roll your eyes but can’t help but smile. “If you actually want to see if I’m all right, you’ll have to take off my suit. Do you really want to do that?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Loki grimaces in disgust and moves away. “Don’t say things like that. I’m just worried. Did he do anything?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Except giving me a migraine? No.” You gesture to Kazuto. “He’ll remove my mark if we get his brother back.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Loki looks at the man. “I’ll kill you if you mess with them.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Likewise, asshole.”</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0025"><h2>25. Chapter 25</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The beginning of the end.</p><p>Alternate summary: Imma just break my own heart.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Wow, neat plane.” Kazuto sits down and lets you help him put the seatbelts on. “I knew the Avengers had some cool stuff, but this is taken straight out of a mecha anime.”</p><p>“A what?” Cap asks.</p><p>“Anime. A Japanese animated show,” Kazuto explains. “There are giant robots in them. How do you not know this? They’ve been around for ages.”</p><p>“I’m ninety-seven,” Cap deadpans.</p><p>Kazuto chokes on his own spit. “What?” he coughs. “You— Oh yeah, I forgot. Captain America, I presume?”</p><p>Cap nods. “Your English is amazing, by the way. I thought we had to have them,”—he points at you—“translate everything.”</p><p>“I’m Hydra, of course I know English. And French, and Spanish, Hebrew and a few more.”</p><p>“He likes to talk,” Loki whispers in your ear.</p><p>“He probably felt alone down there, without his brother.”</p><p>Loki winces. “I know the feeling.”</p><p>You take his hand. “It’s fine. After all this is over, we’ll go travel the world again. There are still things I’ve yet to see and things I’ve yet to show you. Sounds good?”</p><p>He nods but his sad eyes betray his thoughts. Doesn’t matter. You’ll see to that you get your second road trip, whatever it takes.</p><p>“Hey, Robin, how’d you find dr. Shui?” Kazuto calls from the other side of the plane. “I’ve only ever seen her twice.”</p><p>“Robin?” everyone else asks.</p><p>“I thought your name was—”</p><p>“Yes, mr. Stark, I know,” you interrupt him. “Robin is the name dr. Johansson gave me. She liked birds, all right? Anaximander was called Wren.” You look at Kazuto. “And if you want an answer to your question, ask dr. Banner.”</p><p>Kazuto immediately turns to the scientist and bombards him with questions. Dr. Banner looks around helplessly before trying to answer them all.</p><p>* * * * *</p><p>* * *</p><p>* * * * *</p><p>The shock on dr. Shui’s face when she sees Kazuto should be recorded. They begin a conversation in Mandarin that you can mostly follow, then they switch to Korean, which you know jack shite of, before speaking Spanish. The few classes you took in middle school aren’t enough for you to get the hang of the conversation. Finally they switch to Japanese.</p><p>“I can’t believe you’re betraying us for a mere <em> agent</em>!” dr. Shui rages. “After all we’ve done for you!”</p><p>“For me?” Kazuto sneers. “Don’t you mean <em> to </em> me? I didn’t want to be part of your idiotic experiments! You just stole my brother and forced me through all that torture! Of course I’ll side with whoever tries to fuck you over.” He looks over at you. “Now, tell me where Shun is.”</p><p>“I’d rather die than make things easier for you!” dr. Shui snarls.</p><p>“So be it.” Kazuto walks up to the door. “Mr. Iron Man, could you please let me in? I’m about to put my mark on her and force her to tell me the location.”</p><p>Mr. Stark starts a whispering discussion with Cap and dr. Banner before opening the door. Kazuto mock salutes them and enters. The process takes less than a minute. Dr. Shui is tied to the chair and can’t move, so Kazuto has no problem placing a finger behind her right ear. Then he moves out of the way, squats in front of her and grins evilly.</p><p>The reaction is instantaneous. Dr. Shui throws back her head and screams. Every strand of hair on your body stands on end; you’ve never heard that kind of blood curdling scream before. The woman slumps in the chair, crying, and starts to furiously shake her head. After that follows a series of whispered Mandarin you can’t hear. Kazuto, however, walks around the doctor, nodding. She faints and he leaves the chamber, smiling to himself.</p><p>“Did you get anything?” you ask. In the background you hear dr. Banner and mr. Stark argue about Kazuto’s methods.</p><p>Kazuto’s smile turn into a grin. “Yep! He’s in Norway.”</p><p>You snort. “And here I thought I wouldn’t get my second road trip.”</p><p>* * * * *</p><p>* * *</p><p>* * * * *</p><p>Berlevåg is a small, idyllic fishing town high up in Norway. According to dr. Shui, Shun lives on a street called Sandsletta, in a mint green house. A Norwegian woman opens the door for you, but it’s Kazuto she looks at.</p><p>“You’re Shun’s brother, aren’t you?” she asks in Japanese. “Come in, come in.” The two of you follow her into the small but homey house. “I’m not Hydra,” she explains as you sit down in the living room. “Cookies? Anything to drink?” She walks to the kitchen. “My husband’s part of it, of course, but I have nothing to do with them. Tarjei died last year. At sea. I thought for sure Hydra would take Shun away, but they never uttered a word. Shun! Kazuto is here.” She puts down a plate of chocolate cookies, four glasses and a jug of milk.</p><p>Footsteps are coming from the small staircase and you and Kazuto turn around to look at an older teenager, about seventeen or eighteen. He looks like a younger version of Kazuto.</p><p>The boy stares at his brother in disbelief. “No.” He shakes his head. “No, it can’t be you! They said they’d kill us both if you came.”</p><p>Kazuto stands up and walks over to his brother. “It’s fine, Shun. I’m not going to let anyone hurt you, not when I just found you.”</p><p>You smile at them before picking up a cookie.</p><p>“They’re such good boys,” the nameless woman sighs. “Be happy while it lasts.”</p><p>You erect a shield in front of yourself and the brothers before the woman opens fire. Where did she hide the gun?</p><p>“Not Hydra my ass,” you mutter and throw the jug of milk in her face. You wrestle the gun from her grasp and throw it to Kazuto. “What should we—” You hear a bang and turn around. Your jaw drops.</p><p>Shun is holding the gun and just shot Kazuto in the stomach. The older brother falls to the floor with a grunt.</p><p>“Don’t hurt him,” Kazuto says weakly. “He doesn’t know what he’s doing.”</p><p>Shite, someone has control of his mind. Shite again, he’s aiming the gun at his own head!</p><p>You pierce the woman’s neck, almost decapitating her, before rushing to—again—wrestle the gun away. Then you drag Shun to the kitchen where you lock him in.</p><p>“Shite,” you hiss at the sight of all of Kazuto’s blood. “Didn’t think Shun would shoot you.”</p><p>“Neither did I.” He coughs. “Hey, Robin. Let me borrow your ear.”</p><p>You lean closer and feel something cold brush against your skin. “What did you do?”</p><p>“Removed the mark. Don’t kill him, he deserves better.” And then he dies.</p><p>Icy emptiness crawls up your arms and spread to the rest of your body. Cold tears fall down your cheeks. You close Kazuto’s unseeing eyes and leave him on the floor. You may not have known him for long, but he seemed like someone you could have been friends with if you’d gotten more time.</p><p>
  <em> Time. How I hate that word. </em>
</p><p>You march into the kitchen where Shun is hugging his legs, crying and screaming. When he sees you, he shoots up from his hunching position. “Did I— Is he— <em> Please</em>.”</p><p>“He’s dead. Follow me.” And without waiting for a reply, you turn around and leave the house. Shun follows you, sobbing quietly for the loss of a brother he hasn’t seen in forever, and never will again.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>The next chapter, or the one after that, marks the end of the second arc. Honestly, I liked Kazuto, and at first I thought of having him being manipulated into killing Shun, but... There's no place for Kazuto in the story. He's an expendable character. So I decided to kill him off. He's too a powerful character to just leave behind with a "happily ever after".</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0026"><h2>26. Chapter 26</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>You do something about Shun’s situation.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The HQ is silent. Everyone except you and Shun are gathered in the kitchen for lunch. Since you’re not prone to murdering people anymore, you’ve been allowed to move back to your room.</p><p>“So, what do we do now?” dr. Banner says. His voice sounds unrealistically loud in the silence.</p><p>“It wasn’t Shun’s fault, but he’s still, you know, controlled,” Clint mumbles. “Can we hunt down his puppeteer as well?”</p><p>Natasha stands up. “I’ll go ask the good doctor for information again.”</p><p>No one says anything as she leaves, though Vision and Clint follow after her.</p><p>Cap looks at Loki. “How are they?”</p><p>“They refuse to speak,” he sighs. “Won’t read, won’t watch TV, won’t draw anything… They just lay in bed, staring at the ceiling or looking out the window.”</p><p>Mr. Stark nods and leaves the table.</p><p>“Where are you going?” Cap shouts after him.</p><p>“I have an idea!”</p><p>“Wanna bet what it is?” Loki snickers. “Are they close?”</p><p>“Tony and…? Well, yes.” Cap leans back against the chair and crosses his arms. “He took them in a few years ago, to help expand the company, I think.”</p><p>Dr. Banner nods. “Stark makes them laugh a lot. They’re like parent and child.”</p><p>Loki smiles faintly. “Good. Then maybe he can make them smile again. Oh, and by the way…”</p><p>* * *</p><p>* * * * *</p><p>* * *</p><p>Mr. Stark opens your door and smiles at you. In return, you stare back grumpily.</p><p>“What do you want, mr. Stark?”</p><p>“Call me Tony,” he says for the millionth time.</p><p>“Uncomfortable.”</p><p>He ignores your comment and sits down on the bed. “Let’s see here, I have some card games, DVDs—all Disney of course, though they’re in English, sorry—and a kid’s book, the one you saw in the store a few months back, remember?” He proudly presents it to you. “Again, in English. Sorry. It’s impossible to get a hold of Swedish copies in such a short amount of time.”</p><p>You look at the stuff he’s spread onto the bed. He’s trying to cheer you up, but there’s nothing that’s going to stop you from replaying Kazuto’s death in your mind. How could he be so calm? He just met his brother after the gods know how long, and his brother shot him. Granted, against his will, but still! It makes your blood boil thinking about how many times similar things have happened because of Hydra.</p><p>“Hey, stop thinking about that.” Mr. Stark pokes you on the forehead. “Listen here, kid, you did everything you could to help that boy. He died knowing his brother was alive and by your side.”</p><p>“So? That doesn’t change the fact that he’s <em> dead</em>! And what are you gonna do with Shun, huh? Recruit him?”</p><p>Mr. Stark shakes his head with a tired expression. “Of course not. Shun is, as S.H.I.E.L.D. would say, compromised. It’s not safe having him here for too long.”</p><p>“Then…?”</p><p>“We don’t know. We haven’t figured it out.”</p><p>You groan and hide your face in a pillow.</p><p>Shun can’t be kept here forever. That’s not a life and he would be miserable and scared, waiting for the next blackout. He couldn’t handle killing his brother and he damned sure won’t handle even trying to hurt anyone else.</p><p>But at the same time, you can’t let him leave, all for the same reasons. He’ll be forced back to Hydra or Kattanja or whatever organisation has custody of him. There, he will be made into one of their agents.</p><p>”What Disney films do you have?” you ask in defeat.</p><p>* * *</p><p>* * * * *</p><p>* * *</p><p>Shun is sitting on the sofa watching TV a few days later. You walk up to him and lean against the sofa. The boy’s eyes are red and swollen. He’s obviously been crying.</p><p>”It’s suffocating, isn’t it?”</p><p>He blinks without acknowledging you.</p><p>”It hurts in the chest, right? Your head feels stuffed, cramped. Sometimes you start shaking without notice, your heart beats as if it wants freedom and you cry.” Now he’s looking at you. “You wanna know how I cope?” He doesn’t reply. “At first, I try not to think about it. I do other stuff, hobbies, like drawing something, coming up with a new concept, watch TV or go for a jog. Then I think about them, one at a time. I apologise to them, one at a time, for what I did, and tell them what I would have done differently had I been in full control. They’re already dead, so what do they care? This is for me, before you say anything.” He purses his lips in annoyance. “I don’t do it for them, Shun, I do it for my own sake. Because, let’s face it, would they forgive their murderer?”</p><p>“Even if it wasn’t all me?” he whispers.</p><p>
  <em> Finally. </em>
</p><p>“Who knows? They’re dead; they can’t answer you.”</p><p>He stays silent for a moment, a deep frown on his forehead. He’s thinking hard about what you’ve said. “He was smiling.”</p><p>You nod. “He was. Wanna know why?” He nodded. “Because he finally got to see you.”</p><p>“For all he knew, I’d end up a puppet!”</p><p>“No, because I was there. The Avengers were there. We had an agreement, Kazuto and I. He’d relinquish control over me if I helped him find and save you.” You gesture to nothing special. “I say I pretty much upheld my deal. Kazuto knew I would.”</p><p>Shun looks at you. “Did he?”</p><p>You wince. “It didn’t and doesn’t matter. He removed his mark, but… it was unnecessary, since he was dying. His control would break as soon as he died. But yes, he did uphold his part.”</p><p>“Did you… did you know him well? My <em> nii-san*</em>?”</p><p>“No. I knew him for like twenty-four hours before we found you.”</p><p>“Oh.”</p><p>“But I liked him. I think we could have been friends.”</p><p>“Mhm… What will happen to me?”</p><p>“Dunno, they’re discussing it still.”</p><p>“You think they’ll kill me, take the easy way out?”</p><p>You scoff. “If we’d wanted to take the easy way out, we’d killed Kazuto when we found him. No, Shun, we’re not going to end your life. We’re gonna make sure you can’t hurt anyone else, for your as well as everyone else’s sake.”</p><p>He smiles faintly. “Thank you, Robin.”</p><p>“Gah, I hate that name. But whatever, call me that if you want. I’ll live.”</p><p>“Can you…” Shun bites his lip. “Can you tell me more about him? What you know about him?”</p><p>Your heart melts a bit. “Of course.”</p><p>* * *</p><p>* * * * *</p><p>* * *</p><p>“Do I wanna know how you made them agree to this?” you ask the day after, looking at the mission file Loki gave you. “Because I’m pretty sure neither S.H.I.E.L.D. nor Cap and mr. Stark would sanction this.”</p><p>Loki beams at you. “I’m pretty good at convincing.”</p><p>“I’m pretty sure you’re not…” You glance at the file again. “But still, thanks. Now, let’s go find Shun and get this over with. Also, how’d you get the information?”</p><p>“That Black Widow of yours is frightening. Especially when combined with my magic.” And that was all you needed to know.</p><p>The two of you gather Shun, tell him about the mission to find his puppeteer and speed off to one of mr. Stark’s quinjets.</p><p>“Thank you,” Shun says while stretching in his new suit. He needs to be protected in case of attacks.</p><p>“You’re a bit like them,” Loki says and points at you. “I can’t just leave you alone.”</p><p>“Aw, Loki, you <em> do </em> have a heart!”</p><p>“Shut it, <em> human</em>,” Loki teases you and nudges your shoulder.</p><p>The jet flies to Moscow, Russia, and lands inconspicuously at the city borders. The three of you, dressed in normal clothes on top of your protective gear, walk through the city until you find the right apartment complex.</p><p>“This looks like a hotel,” Shun mutters as you enter through the automated glass doors.</p><p>“Yep. Ekaterina Ivanov is filthy rich,” you reply and nod at the receptionist. “We’re here for miss Ivanov.” They let you pass and you enter the elevator.</p><p>“Did you just compromise our surprise advantage?” Loki gapes at you.</p><p>“Yes.”</p><p>“<em>Why</em>?”</p><p>“Because otherwise the security guards wouldn’t have let us through,” you point out. “She’s with Kattanja and HYDRA, Loki. <em> And </em> a puppeteer. She’s careful.” He grumbles something incoherent in reply.</p><p>You exit on the top floor and knock on Ivanov’s door. A tall lady with blonde hair and <em> very </em> red lips opens it. She’s also stark naked.</p><p>Loki’s jaw drops and he scrunches up his face in disgust. Shun stares at her, aghast. They both avert their gazes. You just look at her in silent resignation.</p><p>“Seriously?” you ask.</p><p>“What?” she replies in perfect English. “I was going to take a bath. Who are you? I have not scheduled a meeting today.” Loki puts his hand on Shun’s shoulder and her gaze lands on the boy. Recognition and fear marr her pretty face.</p><p>“Now <em> move</em>.” You shove her aside and Loki and Shun follow your lead. The apartment drips with luxury. You turn to look at the woman. “Now, give up your control over Shun or I’ll make you.”</p><p>She sneers at you. “You and what army?”</p><p>Loki grins and the room fills up with his illusion clones. Ekaterina Ivanov takes a step back. “Pardon me, miss Ivanov, but <em> I </em> am the army.”</p><p>“Will you kill me if I don’t?”</p><p>“Yeah,” you say and Shun flinches. “I’ve killed people before. I hated it because most of them were innocent, but…” Your smile doesn’t hold any kind feelings. “Killing <em> you </em> would be satisfying. But don’t tell the Avengers I said that.”</p><p>“I’ll die even if I release him! I can’t just—”</p><p>You point your hidden gun at her, bored. “Come on, try again.”</p><p>She glares at you. “You completely disregard my situation? Did you disregard Kazu—”</p><p>You almost pull the trigger. “Okay, listen up, bitch,” you say instead, interrupting her. “Kazuto was manipulating me. I didn’t want to, but I <em> was </em> prepared to kill him. Instead we came to an agreement. You used Shun to kill him. Now you’re the bad guy. Woman. Whatever.” You shrug. “I liked him. Try again. Last chance.”</p><p>“I—” Her eyes teared up. “I don’t want to die!”</p><p>“What do you suggest we do?” you ask in annoyance. “Adopt you?”</p><p>“Yes! I can… I can be a double spy. Did you know they sent Anaximander to—” Glass shattered and her blod splattered on your face. She crumbled to the floor with a sickeningly squishy thud.</p><p>“<em>Ew</em>!” you exclaim as your shields go up and a myriad of bullets bounce off it. You see Shun hiding behind Loki. “What the hell?”</p><p>“It seems we’ve been found out,” Loki points out. “Shall we retreat?”</p><p>You don’t have a chance, seeing as the door is kicked open by security guards. You sigh heavily and solidity the oxygen in their lungs. When they cough and fall to the floor, you shoot them dead.</p><p>“Not what I wanted to do today, <em> not </em> what I wanted to do today,” you mutter and jog down the big spiral staircase to the reception area.</p><p>“I can teleport us,” Loki says with a smirk. “Might be of help right now.”</p><p>“Do it!”</p><p>He takes your hand and teleports the three of you back to the quinjet. You start the engine and gun it out of Russia. As soon as you’re far enough away from the city, you sag against the chair.</p><p>“Congrats, Shun, you’re free,” you sigh. “I swear, if mr. Stark and Cap don’t give me vacation…”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>*Nii-san is Japanese for "brother" or "big brother".</p><p>Only one chapter this time, sorry.</p><p>So, with university starting again, I have to focus on my studies. I won't abandon the fic, but it will have a sporadic schedule.</p><p>There are some things I want to change with the fic, but I see this more as a first draft now, so I won't go back and change anything. I'll rewrite it in the second version (with an actual MC and not a you/reader), though.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0027"><h2>27. Chapter 27</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Loki’s time is up, and Odin is challenged.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I was wrong! I finished another chapter. Didn't think I'd have the strength to (was studying for a resit in a few weeks), but here I am! Ha! Onwards to the third arc.</p><p>Edit: Added a scene because I fricking forgot it.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>You’re dipping your feet into the cold water and splash. It’s refreshing, but a bit chilly. It’s no longer spring and summer has already ended. In two weeks, Loki will return to Asgard for his evaluation.</p><p>“You think I’ll ever see Asgard?” you ask him.</p><p>He absentmindedly plays with the water. “Maybe, if you ask Thor for a favour.”</p><p>“Taking care of you counts as one, surely.”</p><p>He grins but it dies almost instantly. “I’m sorry for… for everything. I was an ass. Still am.”</p><p>You look at him and shrug. “I’ve moved past it. Like I said to Shun, they’re already dead; they don’t care. I shouldn’t waste time or energy on that. It’s hard, but accepting and moving on is the best solution.”</p><p>“It’s been half a year.”</p><p>“Yeah.” You give a small nod. “Loki?”</p><p>“Hm?”</p><p>“You’re not a bad guy anymore. Stop beating yourself up for it.”</p><p>He stares at you with wide eyes for a moment. He has to break the intense stare and coughs. He doesn’t look at all convinced. “Are you trying to cheer me up, dear?”</p><p>“It’s the truth, though. But if it makes you happy…” You smile sweetly. “Mr. Stark once said that we all need this, you included. That you changing is a sign that we all can move on. I think he’s right.”</p><p>“I’m not… I’m not an Avenger, if that’s what you’re thinking about.”</p><p>“I know,” you say with a laugh. “Mr. Stark… <em> Tony </em> said that as well. And you don’t need to be like us. You can be whoever you want, as long as you please leave Earth out of it.” He smiles faintly. “Jokes aside, if you want to be a trickster, then be a trickster. Just please don’t go murdering our people.”</p><p>“I won’t. I… hate it. I hate it. What I did. I can’t undo it, but I hate it. I know <em> why </em> I did it, but I…”</p><p>“You’re not the same anymore,” you say gently. “You’ve been in prison for two years now. That changes people, even the God of Mischief.” You playfully nudge him. “We’re an unsuspecting pair, aren’t we?”</p><p>He gives a short, almost hysterical laugh. “Yeah. Tell me about them, please.”</p><p>“My friends?”</p><p>“Yes.”</p><p>You hesitate. “Sure… Their names were Xiaoli, Amanda, Edwin and Vivian. Xiaoli and Vivian I knew since a few years back, but Amanda and Edwin I got to know only after coming here. Xiaoli was adopted into a Bulgarian family and was invited by mr… by Tony just like me. Amanda is American and Edwin Norweigan.”</p><p>“And Vivian?”</p><p>“Canadian. She used to tell me all about Canadian winters. Made Swedish ones sound like heaven.” He laughs quietly. “Edwin and I used to speak in Norwegian and Swedish. The others got so frustrated because they never understood us. Xiaoli was fascinated we could understand each other despite speaking two different languages.”</p><p>“Well, they’re not that different,” Loki says.</p><p>“True. Hm… Xiaoli told me a lot about Bulgaria. I asked him about China once, but he said he doesn’t remember much. He learnt Chinese because he wanted to visit someday. He came back just a few days before the Manhattan incident.”</p><p>“Oh.”</p><p>You shrug. “He died saving me. I told him to run or he’d die too, but he didn’t care, said my brain was worth more than his. He knew he would die, Loki, but he did it anyway.” After two years, you still haven’t gotten over his reasoning, but you’re glad he saved you. If he hadn’t, there is no saying what would have happened to Loki.</p><p>“And the others?”</p><p>“Amanda was working security that day. She died doing her job.” You don’t tell him about her plans to marry her girlfriend. It would break him beyond repair. “Edwin you actually took control over. He…” You bite your lip. “He died because you had ordered him to stay where he stood.”</p><p>Loki closed his eyes. “I’m sorry,” he whispered.</p><p>“Thank you. It makes me happy knowing you regret it.” You look at the bushes on the other side of the water. “Vivian… was… She was taken by one of the Chitauri. We were making our way up to you and mr— to you and Tony when one of them crashed the window and threw her out of it. I wasn’t fast enough to help her.”</p><p>“How would you have helped?” Loki asks. “By using your abilities? That would have killed her too, you know.”</p><p>You shrug. “I know, but I still think losing a limb or two would be preferable.”</p><p>“Maybe…”</p><p>You smile sadly. “Yeah, maybe. Who knows? Not like I can ask her.”</p><p>The conversation dies down and the two of you sit out in the cold, alone with your own thoughts. Your mind takes a sharp turn from your friends to the uncertainty that is your future. Now that the Avengers knows about your past and affiliation with HYDRA, will they keep you on the team? If not, what will you do? You can always start a company with the money you’ve earned—but that would put you in the same or similar line of business as Tony, which makes you uncomfortable. Or you could go back to Sweden, visit your adoptive family, see your friends and maybe, just maybe, come clean to your biological parents. There is also Emma and Bucky. You could go on a road trip with them. Or would that make you the third wheel? You have to ask her exactly what relationship they have.</p><p>“Can I ask you something?” Loki asks after a while.</p><p>“Of course.”</p><p>“If… If you really want to visit Asgard, you can ask Thor.”</p><p>You smile sweetly and nudge him. “That wasn’t a question, nor was it what you really wanted to say.”</p><p>He smiles faintly. “You’re right. I wanted to ask you if you would like to visit me. Even when I’m in jail.”</p><p>“Yes, you’re my best friend. And I honestly think you deserve a better reward. Like coming to visit me twice a month.”</p><p>“You’d like that?”</p><p>You pause to look at him. “Loki, why are you surprised? Of course I’d like to see you. I just told you I’d try and visit you.”</p><p>“Yes, but that was <em> you </em> visiting <em> me</em>. On your terms. This would be me coming over to hang…” He looks away.</p><p>Loki lacks confidence. You realise that now. Deep down you already knew, because you’d already seen his mask slip, but seeing it like this, right now, is weird.</p><p>“Loki, look at me.” He reluctantly does. “You never have to worry about me not wanting to see you. We’re besties, and besties welcome each other’s presence. If you were to be allowed two free days, or even just one, per month and wanted to come here, then I’d be glad.” You beam at him. “Your father— Odin can fight me however much he wants. If you can’t come here, then I’ll go to you.”</p><p>Loki looks at you, astonished. Then he breaks into a wide grin. “I’d like to see that. No doubt you’d win.” He hugs you tight. “Thank you so much. For everything.”</p><p>“Again, of course.” You hug him back. “I’ll find a way to reach out to you.” And quietly you add, “I can finally see you.”</p><p>He nods. “And how do I look?”</p><p>“Beautiful.”</p><p>* * *</p><p>* * * * *</p><p>* * *</p><p>The day of departure comes and the Avengers all gather on the lawn to say goodbye. Many of them, while not exactly liking Loki, have come to respect him. Some are only there for your sake.</p><p>“And remember, Thor, if you don’t come back soon, I’ll build a portal and travel to Asgard myself,” you remind him with a sharp smile.</p><p>Thor glances at Loki, unnerved. “They cannot challenge him, brother. What did you do?”</p><p>Instead of being offended or wounded, Loki flashes him a grin. Thor raises his eyebrows. “For once in my life, nothing.”</p><p>“Drama queen,” Sam coughs. Loki’s smile widens.</p><p>“I’ll see you soon,” you say and hug him, eyeing Thor meaningfully. He looks back in concern.</p><p>“This is madness,” the God of Thunder says, but neither you nor Loki pay him any mind.</p><p>After everyone’s said their goodbyes, Thor calls for Heimdall to open the Bifrost and he and Loki are whisked away by the colourful beam of light.</p><p>Sam is the first one to leave, then Rhodes. Cap pats you on the shoulder before he follows as well. Clint and Natasha wish you good luck on your self-proclaimed mission and Wanda says you’re welcome to watch films with her and Vision anytime.</p><p>“He’s changed,” dr. Banner says when it’s only the two of you and Tony left. “What did you do to him?”</p><p>“It wasn’t just me,” you reply with a small smile. “You cannot change someone that doesn’t want to change. I just encouraged him, I guess, to do what he wanted.</p><p>“It damned well worked, kid. I’m proud of you.”</p><p>“Thanks, Tony.” The two men look at you in surprise. You giggle nervously. “What?”</p><p>“You called me Tony.”</p><p>“So?”</p><p>“You <em> never </em> call me Tony!”</p><p>You laugh loudly. “Well, Loki’s not the only one that’s changed.”</p><p>“Certainly not,” dr. Banner says with a smile. “Now, let’s get back to the lab, I still have things to ask you about.”</p><p>
  <span>* * *</span>
</p><p>
  <span>* * * * *</span>
</p><p>
  <span>* * *</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you sure about this?” Tony asks. He’s in his office, looking through the paperwork you just submitted. “We might need you, you know.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I do, but I have to do this. Emma opened my eyes to something, and thinking about Loki… it made me realise I’m hiding, running away. Can you please approve it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He smiles ruefully. “Of course. Don’t you think it’ll be a shock for your parents, though? I mean, they know you’re alive, but they’ve never met you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m well aware of that. I saw to it, remember?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ha, you think you’re so funny. Hey, speaking of nothing, what happened to your trip to Asgard?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I postponed it. I told Thor to explain it to Loki. I have to get this done.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He nods. “Then there’s no reason you can’t go. Good luck, kid. But, eh, are you sure you won’t take anyone with you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You roll your eyes. He’s really like a dad, sometimes. “Yes, I’ll go alone. They don’t know any of you. I don’t want to put more pressure on them than I already will.” Learning your biological child is actually a famous superhero would be hard to swallow. Even more so if fricking Iron Man looms over them as well.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Like I said, good luck.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You thank him before turning to leave. “Oh, and don’t do anything stupid while I’m gone, you hear me? I don’t want to come back to chaos.”</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0028"><h2>28. Chapter 28</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The door opens to a middle-aged woman looking at you in surprise. It’s currently 6PM in Sweden and they obviously didn’t expect visitors. Her eyebrows almost disappear into her hairline when she recognises you. “Aren’t you… You’re that new Avenger! Oxygen, right?”</p><p>You’ve always hated the superhero name the Americans gave you. You grimace. “Yep, that’s me,” you reply in Swedish.</p><p>“What is an Avenger doing <em> here</em>?” She pauses. “Oh, uh, do you want to, uh… Do you want to come inside?”</p><p>“Yes please.”</p><p>The house is not exactly modern, but not really outdated, either. If you remember correctly, it was built in 2002.</p><p>The woman, Fanny, takes you to the living room and asks you to sit down. While you do, she goes to get her husband, Tobias.</p><p>How you wish you had Loki with you. Or at least Bucky. Or Emma. You should have done this earlier. Damn.</p><p>Fanny comes back with Tobias on tow, a frown on his face. You stop everything you do to look at them together. You have his hair colour, his jawline and his nose, but her cheeks, her forehead and her eye shape. How did they never realise you’re a perfect blend of the two of them?</p><p><em> Because they were never looking, </em> you answer yourself. You stand up and offer Tobias your hand. “Good evening, Tobias,” you greet him.</p><p>“Good— Good evening.” He sits down with Fanny by his side. “So, what exactly are you doing here?”</p><p>“Vacation, sort of.” They both frown. “I’m the one you’ve been in contact with regarding your, eh, your child.”</p><p>They’re both dead quiet. For a moment, the silence is the loudest sound you’ve ever heard. Then Fanny tears up and sobs. Tobias puts a shaking arm around her and lets her cry in his embrace. He hasn’t stopped looking at you. “What?” he says weakly.</p><p>“Yes, I’ve… I’ve been in contact with your biological child.”</p><p>“How?”</p><p>You stop yourself from snorting, but you can’t quell the urge to smile in sadness. “Because you’re looking at it. Surprise.”</p><p>Commotion. Fanny lets out a hysterical scream and keeps crying. Tobias is now looking at you with a new light. Searching for a resemblance. And he sees it. “No,” he says. “It can’t be… Are you sure?”</p><p>You hand him the DNA files and family trees. “I found you when I was fifteen. I’m the anonymous donor, as well.”</p><p>“<em>You </em> donate all that money?”</p><p>“Yes. I have more than enough. I… I wanted to make sure you were doing all right.”</p><p>“Why didn’t you tell us sooner?” Fanny whispers, finally composing herself somewhat. “We were worried about you!”</p><p>You glance at their fireplace. “There wasn’t really a need,” you say, deciding to be completely honest. “I already had a foster family here. You had Dorotea. And with my line of work, it was for the best to keep the truth hidden, for your safety’s sake.” They nod in understanding.</p><p>“And your foster parents, they… they’ve been—good?” Fanny asks hesitantly.</p><p>“Yes. They love me like their own child.”</p><p>“But who took you? Why switch babies?” Tobias asks suspiciously.</p><p>You wince. “It wouldn’t do you any good to know,” you assure him. “And they’re still out there, looking for me.”</p><p>“Please,” they beg. “No more secrets.”</p><p>They don’t have the right to say that since they’re strangers, but you already decided to be 100% honest, so you let it slide. “Ever heard of HYDRA?”</p><p>* * *</p><p>* * * * *</p><p>* * *</p><p>Your mother, Beatrice, squeals in delight when she opens the door to see your face. She embraces you and talks a mile a minute about your dad, work, his work and how proud she is to hear about you taking Loki under your wing.</p><p>“Good gods mum, have I really been neglecting you that much?” you asked with a tight smile. You came here to tell them about your biological parents, the truth about your past and to check up on them.</p><p>“I haven’t seen you since your birthday,” she replies. “But don’t worry, we understand how important your work is. Have you visited…?”</p><p>You shake your head solemnly. “I plan on doing it on the last day.”</p><p>“Good. Come sit down! I’ll warm some buns for you.”</p><p>“Mum.” She looks at you. “I have something to tell you. Both of you. Where’s dad?”</p><p>* * *</p><p>* * * * *</p><p>* * *</p><p>You spend a month in Sweden, first visiting your biological parents and being introduced to Dorotea, who doesn’t take very kindly to your identity. After you spent a week with them, you went to visit your foster parents. That’s when you told them the truth. They were shocked, of course, but had an easier time swallowing it than the Rehnholms.</p><p>Leaving your foster parents behind, you visit each and every one of your friends you left behind for New York. They’re happy, if a bit surprised, to see you, and the third week is spent catching up and hanging out. They’re immensely happy to hear Emma contacted you regarding Loki.</p><p>The last week you spend alone. You walk through the streets of your hometown, greeting everyone that recognises you, visiting the old church you used to love as a child, the library with its window-clad walls and even buy ice cream from the same place as you used to.</p><p>It feels bitter, walking around town. You no longer belong here, in this sort of environment. A life without danger, without control—how do people live like that? You’ve been an Avenger for almost three years now. You barely remember how life had been before all the chaos.</p><p>On the last day, you visit the cemetary. You put white lilies on the grave and sit cross-legged in front of it, retelling for the nth time about your past and what recently happened. And for the nth time, you apologise. You apologise for not being there when he needed you, for being utterly useless despite having powers and for still being alive despite him being dead.</p><p>“You know, I really like him. You would too, I’m sure,” you say, smiling at the gravestone. “Loki is such a drama queen, but he can be serious, too. He regrets it, you know. Manhattan and all that. He’s my best friend now.” You give a sad laugh. “He’s back in Asgard, now. In prison. I’ve decided to break into the palace and force Odin to let me see him, if Thor doesn’t manage to convince him or smuggle me in, that is.”</p><p>Gand’s grave stays silent, as if to urge you to continue. If he’d been here still, he would have held you tight and tried reasoning with you. But he’s not. He won’t.</p><p>“Mira found herself a girlfriend,” you say, changing topic. “She thinks she’s pan sexual. She’s happy now, though she still misses you.” You avert your eyes to your fidgeting hands. “If… Um… Do you think I could ever learn to love like that? Have children?” This is something you haven’t allowed yourself to think about since his death. He was the only one that knew. “I mean… How do you know you love someone? I’ve read the books, but… It doesn’t sound right. It’s not like I’m looking for a partner, but I’m curious. Even Emma has found someone—can you hear that? <em> Emma</em>. She thought for sure she was both aromantic and asexual. I dunno about the sexual part—I’m not gonna ask her <em> that</em>—but she’s found someone to live with. It wouldn’t surprise me if she states they’ve been a couple for a while.”</p><p><em> “You’re lonely, little monster,” </em> Gand would say, calling you by your childhood nickname. It wasn’t derogatory by any means. It was filled with love and affection. He’s taken to calling you that after a nasty breakdown where you stated you were the worst kind of monster. Afterwards, he had given himself the mission of ridding the negative connotation from the word. It had worked.</p><p>“Am I?” you asked your own fantasy. “Maybe. No, certainly. I’ve spent so much time with Loki and living with the Avengers that being all alone, without them, feels weird, foreign. <em> Wrong</em>. Do you think I love them?”</p><p><em> “A platonic kind of love,” </em> you imagine him saying. <em> “Like you and me and mum and dad. Like you and Emma and Felicia and Xiaoli. Love has different meanings.” </em></p><p>Tears run down your cheek and you sob quietly.</p><p>“I’m sorry,” you whisper. “I’m sorry I couldn’t save you. I’m sorry I couldn’t be there for you.”</p><p><em> “I know. I know you’re sorry. But you know what, little monster? Time flows like water. It will never go back, only forward. When I’m dead, I want you to mourn me, to remember me, but I don’t want you to stop. Stopping while time still moves will only bring you pain. Move forward, make new friends, a new life, but don’t forget. Never forget. I love you more than anything.” </em> Those had been the last words he’d said to you. In a voicemail. Because you were busy and missed his call.</p><p>You pick up your phone and play the audio recording just to hear his voice again. It doesn’t bring you clarity, it doesn’t bring you salvation.</p><p>It only brings pain.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I am pretty sure uni is trying to kill me. With the new course starting up, they decided to race through the first part and squeeze four out of the five biggest religions into one week each before handing us an exam about them in September... T h a n k s. This means I have to read 200 pages (or a whole book) a week. It is slowly killing me. But! Religion is far more interesting and fun than I first thought, so there's that.</p><p>Also yay me, I updated! XD</p><p>Honestly, this chapter has been lying in my map for this fic for a while, but I didn't update because I wanted to give you a big one, with lots of chapters. Which didn't happen, because I was living and breathing studying. Sorry about that.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0029"><h2>29. Chapter 29</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Thor won’t answer your call—but someone else does.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>A longer chapter than usual. I hope you like it!</p><p>If there are any errors, I blame uni for squashing my brain to mush.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It’s mean, but you don’t care. Your imaginary conversation with Gand fueled the loneliness in your heart and you can’t stand the thought of not seeing Loki again. It’s been a month. Another month without hearing his voice, his jokes, the stories he tells and without the warm safety of his presence. It’s <em> painful</em>, and you hate it.</p><p>So you call Steve to tell him you’re not coming back for a while. He doesn’t answer and you’re sent to voicemail. You explain to him you’re going to Asgard for a while and don’t know when you’ll be back. You whisper an apology before hanging up and doing the same thing with Tony.</p><p>What’s so great about Sweden is the massive amount of wilderness. Drive an hour from a city and you’ll find yourself mile after mile deep into the forest. It’s the perfect place to call for Thor and be discreetly picked up to Asgard.</p><p>“O Great Thunder God, I know you can hear me,” you say loudly, looking up at the darkening sky. You dare it to release its rain. “Can you please pick me up now?” Nothing happens for a while. “Thor, I know Odin might not have sanctioned this, but I swear to all the gods I <em> will </em> fight him, <em> and </em> you, if you don’t help me. It’s for Loki’s sake, come on!” You call for him for a few more minutes before cursing in every language you know. “Fine then. Heimdall? Mind doing an insignificant human a favour and—”</p><p>A rainbow beam the likes of you’ve never seen shoots down and hits you and your surroundings. You barely register what’s happening before it sucks you up into the sky, faster than the human body should probably tolerate.</p><p>The colours are metallic, sometimes pastel, and the Bifrost is more elegant, more mesmerising, than you could have ever imagined. Having a part of it in your gear would make visiting Loki—and any other place in the universe, come to think of it—much easier.</p><p>Worlds swirl past you faster than you can register. At least most of them. One in particular keeps coming back, a dark and blue and sometimes white one, bleak and cold-looking. It’s like it begs you to notice it. Against all sanity, you reach out for it, wondering why in the world it keeps reappearing, and you’re violently thrown out of the Bifrost and into a wall of ice and snow.</p><p>“Oh my god.” You dig your way out, already freezing with your teeth clattering violently. You’re <em> not </em> dressed for arctic weather, that’s for sure.</p><p>
  <em> I fucked up, I fucked up, I effing fucked uuuuuup. </em>
</p><p>You look around, trying to orient yourself. The land before you is frozen and dead. You can’t see a single plant or tree, not even a rock. Everything’s ice, ice, snow and look, more <em> ice</em>.</p><p>Then everything comes together and you curse. Of course you fall right into <em> Jotunheim</em>. Because why not? Why should anything ever be <em> easy</em>? You swear that somewhere in the universe a deity or alien or whatever is laughing its ass off at your expense.</p><p>A bone-chilling wind takes you right back to the present and you force yourself to move. There has to be a cave or village or city somewhere. The question is whether or not the inhabitants will kill you as soon as they see you.</p><p>* * *</p><p>* * * * *</p><p>* * *</p><p>By the time you find civilization, you’re unsure if you’re still alive or if this is a hallucinogenic dream brought forth by hypothermia. Because you’re pretty sure you have that by now. And frostbite.</p><p>Something catches your foot and you stumble, falling face first to the ground. You’re too weak to get back up.</p><p><em> So this is how I die. </em> You don’t have the capacity to apologise to anyone for being stupid. You close your eyes and wait for salvation—sorry, death—to claim you.</p><p>* * *</p><p>* * * * *</p><p>* * *</p><p>The warmth brings you back. After having been so terribly cold, the lukewarm air feels odd against your skin.</p><p>The ceiling is made from carved wood. The walls from ice. You can see your reflection if you turn your head, which is weird and distorted. You look like a nightmare.</p><p>“You’re alive,” someone says in old, broken Norse. It takes a second for you to understand.</p><p>“I… am. Where am I?” The creature before you is humanoid, but that’s as far as the similarities go. He—at least you think it’s a he—has dark blue skin, eyes so red you can see from the other side of the room, and odd carvings on his face, running down his bare chest, arms and legs.</p><p>“Utgård.”</p><p>You rack your brain to remember it’s the fort in Norse mythologies where the giants live in Jotunheim. So you managed to find basically the only habitable place. Thank you, gods and deities, for not leaving you to die.</p><p>“Did you save me?”</p><p>“My daughter did. She found you while hunting. What’s a human doing here?”</p><p>“I was on my way to Asgard.” You decide to tell the truth. The giants are said to be evil in the legends, but they’re your only hope as of now. Better not make them angry.</p><p>“You’re a long way from them, little one.” You snort. “Stay and rest. Gro will tend to you.”</p><p>“Can I ask for your name?”</p><p>“Only if you tell me yours.”</p><p>You pause. “… Charlie.”</p><p>“Nice to meet you, Charlie. I’m Frode.” He stands up and you understand just how much taller he is than you. He would make Loki look like an ant. Holy crap. “I will let you rest.”</p><p>“Will you tell your king I’m here?” You can’t remember how mean he is. You hope he won’t have you killed.</p><p>“We already did, hours ago. But no worries, he’s intrigued by you and won’t have you hurt.” At least you could relax a bit, though blindly trusting strangers will get you killed faster than fighting the Chitauri.</p><p>You lay in the biggest bed you’ve ever seen, resting, while Frode and Gro care for you. Gro reaches her father’s shoulders but is still tall enough for Loki’s head to reach just her hips, with snow white hair, those red eyes, and blue skin a tad bit lighter than her father’s.</p><p>“You hungry?” she asks with a bright smile and hands you a bowl of soup. “I’ve filled the bath for you.” She helps you to the bathroom where she leaves you to clean yourself. The tub is a small swimming pool, but you’re slowly getting used to the new oversized proportions.</p><p>Taking a bath is heavenly. Your frozen joints immediately melt and you almost fall asleep.</p><p>You’re in Loki’s birth home. Where he was born and immediately abandoned. You hate it, but at the same time, you can’t help being a bit thankful. If his parents hadn’t abandoned him for Odin to find, you might not have met. A sad thought, but it’s true.</p><p>Would he come here to get you if he learns you’re here? He knows he’s a Jotun, so he might not.</p><p>Oh, yeah, right. How are you going to get out of here? Thor didn’t answer when you were in safety, but he might answer now when you’re in enemy territory. Or he might be less inclined, didn’t he mention almost starting a war here being the reason he ended up in Midgard in the first place?</p><p>Calling Heimdall again it is. As soon as you get out of the city lest the Bifrost bring half of it to Asgard.</p><p>“Here,” Gro says one evening, holding up a piece of clothing. “Try this. I need to see if it fits.”</p><p>“What’s it for?” You haven’t left their house for two weeks; why the sudden outfit change?</p><p>“The yearly feast is tomorrow, and the king has invited you. He’d like to meet you for himself now that you’re healthy again.”</p><p>She fits your thick eskimo-looking outfit in mint green. It’s comfortable if not too warm to wear inside.</p><p>“When greeting the king, don’t forget to look at his feet and bow like this.” She shows you a few times and you mimic her until your body remembers it. “A few of the high nobility might want to talk to you too. They’re all cranky and will be offended if you don’t greet them correctly, but they won’t say anything, because the king has forbidden it.”</p><p>The Frost King taking such measures to see to that you have a pleasant—or something—sojourn in jotunheim surprises you. It’s something you’d expect from a kind human leader, not one ruling the iciest people in the universe.</p><p>“I see. I’m glad. I’ll give him my thanks.”</p><p>“As you should.” She nods, satisfied with the outfit and allows you to take it off. When she sees the sweat on your forehead, she laughs and runs the bath for you.</p><p>* * *</p><p>* * * * *</p><p>* * *</p><p>“Hey, Gro, I have a question.”</p><p>She looks up from where she’s cleaning and nods. “What is it, little Charlie?”</p><p>You regretted telling them your name ages ago. “The king, what’s his name?”</p><p>“Farbaute, why?” You quickly explain your Norse ancestry and curiosity about what’s real and what’s fiction. “Oh! Well then, tell me.”</p><p>“Thor said something about Laufey being a man, is that true?” She nods in surprise. “Huh. He’s a woman in the legends.”</p><p>She guffaws. “That’s an interesting interpretation. King Laufey was nowhere near feminine. How’d you come up with that?”</p><p>“Don’t ask me, these legends are centuries old. But okay, so he wasn’t married to Farbaute?”</p><p>Again, she laughs. “They’re twin brothers, so no. That would be… weird.”</p><p>“Oh. Um… Who’s the father of”—what are their names again?—”Byleist and… and Helblinde?” In the mythology, they were Loki’s brothers.</p><p>“Oh. Um, Byleist is king Farbaute’s son. Helblinde is Laufey’s.” She hesitates. “He had a second son, king Laufey, but he… he died a millennium ago.”</p><p><em> He most definitely did not. </em> “Oh? Who?”</p><p>“He didn’t get a name. He perished in the war with… with the Asgardians. He was stolen.”</p><p>That is a bold lie, especially since Loki is very much alive and well—and the one that killed Laufey.</p><p>“I see. Then, is Utgård the only habitable place here?”</p><p>“No, most definitely not, but it is our capital and the biggest city.” She smiles at you, signalling the end of the conversation. “I need to keep cleaning, but I’ll answer any remaining questions at a later date.”</p><p>* * *</p><p>* * * * *</p><p>* * *</p><p>The banquet day rolls around and you’re dressed in your warm clothes and escorted by Gro and Frode. They’re practically naked compared to you.</p><p>The king’s home is the biggest building in the fort, of course built in the centre. The ice it’s made from is shimmering in different colours and you admit it’s beautiful but haunted. The inside is riddled with chandeliers of all kinds, lighting up the wood and ice—come to think of it, where’d they get the wood?—and distorting their reflections. The first floor is set up as a ballroom. You can see people on the second floor walking around with plates filled with food.</p><p>Frode and Gro help you through the sea of people taller than any human could hope to be and present you to the king. He’s tall, slender and bald, with tattoos or carvings littering his dolled up body. Those eyes of his burn you.</p><p>“The human.” He nods in greeting and you quickly remember to look at his feet. How low do you bow? Aw shite, let’s wing it. “You’re intriguing. And you can rise now, child.”</p><p>You do. “I’m sorry if I did it wrong. I’ll do better next time.”</p><p>He nods. “If there’s ever a next time we meet, I’ll await the results.” He compliments Gro for her choice of outfit and then speaks to Frode about your recovery.</p><p>“I’m hungry, would it be rude to get food?” you whisper to your companion.</p><p>“No, of course not.” He manages to catch her father’s attention. “We will be seeing you later, my king. Have a nice evening.” She bows again and you nearly slip on the ice trying to mimic her. Someone laughs darkly—Farbaute.</p><p>
  <em> Geez, thanks. </em>
</p><p>“I can feel him staring at me.” You grimace as the two of you make way to the stairs. “Do you dance? You never told me. I can’t dance to save a life, so how do I politely reject people?”</p><p>Gro giggles. “No worries. Stay by my side and I’ll scare them off.” Okay, sure, whatever. You figure she’s imposing to you since you’re literally the size of a toddler to them, and she’s a head shorter than most male giants, but if she has that much confidence, there must be a reason. Maybe she’s as badass as Natasha.</p><p>“You know, you’re not nearly as scary as the legends say.” She frowns before handing you a <em> massive </em> plate. You stare at it incredulously. “You have no dessert plates? That’s probably more my size.”</p><p>“Pardon, but I don’t think so.” She looks at the food. “Ooh, try this.” She helps you choose some dishes typical for the region before standing at the balcony, looking down at the dancing guests.</p><p>“What the frick is that?” you ask, mortified. They’re not doing the waltz, that’s for sure. “Hands, hands, pull, push, round and round and round you go… What the hel?”</p><p>Gro lets out a chuckle. “It’s a dance typical for this part of Jotunheim. It’s it beautiful?” It’s wild and in your eyes unpredictable. You do like it, but if someone asks for your hand, they’ll be making the biggest mistake this night.</p><p>“Gro Frodedottír!” You both turn around at the unfamiliar voice. It’s another male giant, with whitish skin and white hair. “Haven’t seen you in forever.” He almost steps on you. “Oh, sorry, didn’t see you there, little one. I didn’t know you had children, Gro.”</p><p><em> Excuse you, who are you calling a child? </em> You bite your tongue.</p><p>Gro holds back a grimace. “Hello, Leif. This isn’t a child of ours, it’s a human.” She gestures to you and he frowns, scanning your tiny body. “This is Charlie.”</p><p>“Hello, Charlie. I am sorry I offended you. Are humans normally your height?”</p><p>You stop yourself from pouting. “I’m about average for a female, a bit on the short side for a male.”</p><p>“Huh. Which are you?”</p><p>You wink. “It’s a secret.” You dance away between the giant guests—pun definitely intended. “I’ll go explore a bit, Gro. No worries, I won’t get in trouble.” You quickly disappear and maneuver your way out of the crowd. You find an empty balcony where you can sit and eat in peace.</p><p>“Too much?”</p><p>“Your highness.” You stand up to bow. “I’m unfamiliar with this place, so excuse me for hiding.”</p><p>Farbaute shakes his head and leans against the railing. “My brother and I used to do the same. There is something called being too social.”</p><p>Considering you don’t like big crowds, strangers or to socialize at all, his comment hits very close to home. “I can relate.”</p><p>“Frode told me how you came here. What were you doing trying to get into Asgard?”</p><p>“Thor’s my friend,” you say, leaving Loki out of it completely. “I decided to visit him.”</p><p>He nods in response. “I’ve heard a lot about their royal family.” He smiles bitterly. “Considering I was a prince and now king, that’s not surprising. But I’m curious, have you ever met prince Thor’s younger brother?”</p><p><em> Shite. </em> He’s fishing for information about Loki. Why? Has he figured out he’s his nephew? <em> Shite. </em></p><p>“Yes, I have,” you reply as casually as you can. “Why?”</p><p>Farbaute’s smile turns cold as he gazes into the distant, snow covered wasteland. “Rumours spread, young one, even to this cold place.” You keep an eye on him from the corner of your eye. “Laufey told me a strange Asgardian came to him and helped his men into their treasury. Those men died, prince Thor came for us, and Odin brought him back. But there was another prince there, too. Laufey said he was as tiny as the woman in their group”—Sif, according to Thor—”that wielded magic and illusions instead of big weapons.”</p><p>“Yep, that’s him,” you supply, though unnecessary.</p><p>Farbaute’s blood red eyes land on you and you force yourself not to shy away. “That prince, Loki, I think his name is, is the same age as my kidnapped nephew.”</p><p><em> Heliga Ginnungagap. </em> You can’t show any signs of recognition. It’s unknown what the giant king will do to you if he realises you hold the information he wants.</p><p>You frown in confusion. “Your highness, your nephew can’t have been the only boy born that year, decade or century.”</p><p>He nods. “That is true, however, Laufey smelled him. You know his scent?” Old books, ink and frost. “He smells like <em> us </em>.” The frost part, then. Sure. “I have personally never met him, but Laufey revealed it was prince Loki that contacted him. And then he died. I figured the prince did it. Why?”</p><p>“Glory? To prove he’s not as weak as Odin thinks?” You shrug again. “Your highness, Thor has always been Odin’s pride and joy. It wouldn’t surprise me if Loki resented that. Did nothing similar happen to you?”</p><p>“Never. We were twins, and therefore had equal right to rule. Our parents had us compete to see who was most worthy, and Laufey won. Now he’s dead, by the hands of his treacherous son.” He laughs at your horrified face. “Sweet human child, I already knew who he was.  Laufey made sure of that.” He pats your head and blinks when you don’t react. You don’t tell him you’re immune to coldness. Or, well, all kinds of coldness except Jotunheim’s. Because wow, that shouldn’t be possible. Maybe it’s because you’re human and they’re people from the planet? You wonder if this is how people feel when you use your powers in their presence.</p><p>“You’re brutal, your highness,” you finally say, “playing with me like that.”</p><p>He turns to leave. “Did anyone ever state otherwise?”</p><p>“Touché.”</p><p>You’re left alone to mull over what just happened. Is he using you as bait, now that he knows you’re friends with Thor? Is it Thor or Loki he wants? Obviously Loki, but Faarbaute shouldn’t have figured out you know him, so from his standpoint, Thor is the only one that will come.</p><p><em> No. </em> If Thor comes, Loki will back him up. That’s Farbaute’s conclusion. Depending on whether or not he knows Loki’s in prison, of course. But it’s the most logical conclusion you can come up with right now.</p><p>You have to leave. Right now. Utgård became a lot more dangerous now that Farbaute revealed himself. You refuse to become another person’s puppet.</p><p>The balcony is only two stories up. If you jump, you’ll break your legs. If you don’t use your abilities, that is. But there are a lot of windows on this part of the wall. Someone will undoubtedly see you. Heimdall won’t open the Bifrost if the giants chase you, because they might be brought to Asgard with you.</p><p>Fine, you can play silent assassin. Not like you haven’t done it before.</p><p>As quietly as possible, you climb the railing, send a mental apology to Frode and Gro, and take a step onto solid air. You creep along the wall, careful not to poke your head up into view, until you round it. The solid air descends and lands softly on the cold snow. After making sure there are no guards, you make a run for it and leave the small garden surrounding the castle.</p><p>The rest of Utgård is quiet and desolate. Most inhabitants are probably at the banquet. If it makes it easier for you to escape, then you won’t complain about the eerie atmosphere.</p><p>The only sounds you hear come from your own steps and the wind. With no one else around, it’s like you’re the last person in the world.</p><p>“There they are!” Three guards round a house, see you and two run after you. Cursing, you start to run. They’re bigger and much faster, so you trip them using the oxygen. They’re immune to its coldness, of course they are. </p><p>You run past a small alley when someone grabs you. You stare at the mirage taking your place, looking exactly like you, as it keeps running straight. What in the nine realms?</p><p>“It’s me,” someone whispers into your ear. You sob and turn around to throw yourself into Loki’s arms. “Oh, dear me, I didn’t think—”</p><p>“Shut up and hug me.”</p><p>He chuckles and does, leaning his cheek on your head. “Why here of all places?” he asks after a few pleasantly silent minutes.</p><p>“When I was in the Bifrost, the entrance or whatever to this world kept coming back. I was stupidly curious and touched it. I now know I’m not immune to the Jotunheim coldness.”</p><p>His chuckle is strained. “It’s a special kind of coldness, created to protect the world and its inhabitants. Asgardians are too warm in general to be too bothered, but others, like humans…”</p><p>“Hmph.” You snuggle closer to him. “I missed you.”</p><p>His body jerks a little in surprise. “Really?”</p><p>“Really. Now tell me, how in Yggdraisil’s name did you get here?” He should be in prison, if Odin didn’t let him out, which you doubt.</p><p>He’s silent before moving to take your hand. Without another word, he teleports you outside the city walls. You follow him into the frozen wasteland, waiting for him to build up the courage to tell you whatever it is he wants to tell you.</p><p>Utgård disappears before he says something. “If… if I tell you, please promise that, even if you get upset and start to hate me, that you’ll allow me to help you get out of here.”</p><p>You blink. “Loki, there’s not a lot that will make me hate you. Try another stunt like Manhattan, then you can ask me again.”</p><p>He flinches. “I’m sorry… but I’m… I…” He kicks a piece of ice and it skittles over the frozen lake you’re walking on. “Why can’t I just say it?”</p><p>You force him to a stop and turn him around. He refuses to look at you. You sigh and hug him. He reluctantly hugs you back. “You’re obviously scared, but this… It’s like ripping off a band-aid. You have to be quick, or else it will only hurt more.” You look up at him. “Just tell me. We can hug like this so you don’t have to look me in the face.”</p><p>Loki nods and buries his face in your hair. “I’m a Frost Jotun. Odin adopted me. I’m… I’m not Asgardian.”</p><p>Relaxing, you hug him harder and press your face in the crook of his neck. “I know.” He tries to look at you, trying to leave the embrace, but you won’t let him. “I knew since before we met the first time.”</p><p>“Wh-why d-didn’t… why didn’t y-you…?” He’s crying, sobbing, and hugging you so tight it’s hard to breathe. But it’s fine, because he finally came clean.</p><p>You speak against his cold neck. “Because you didn’t know I knew. It wasn’t my secret to reveal.”</p><p>“By the world tree, I love you. So much. I love you.”</p><p>You giggle. “I love you too. Now, let’s get our sorry hides away from this frozen place.” Just because you’re immune to—most—cold, it doesn’t mean you like it. You much prefer warm places.</p><p>“Heimdall!” Loki holds you tight as the beam of rainbow light comes crashing down onto your heads. It’s a nice feeling, being in Loki’s arms. It feels like home.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0030"><h2>30. Chapter 30</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>You finally get to see Asgard.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The Bifrost spits you out into a half circular room made from gold and bronze, intricate carvings and big mechanics moving as the machine turns. In the middle, on a platform, stands a man wearing armor from the same material making up the Bifrost. He holds a sword piercing the platform, looking at the two of you with unblinking, light eyes. Just as with the giants, you can see their golden colour even from a distance.</p><p>“Heimdall,” Loki greets him. “Thank you for letting me through.”</p><p>“My pleasure, my prince. It was partly my fault your guest ended up in Jotunheim, it is only fit I help correct it.” His eyes land on you. “Hello there, insignificant little human.”</p><p>You blush. “I… Thank you, for picking me up. And I’m sorry for making your day harder.”</p><p>Loki looks at you. “Insignificant?”</p><p>“I had to placate him somehow,” you mutter.</p><p>“Is your name truly Charlie?” Heimdall asks in amusement.</p><p>“Well, it’s the name my adoptive parents gave me.” For over a decade, you were known as PR10 and Robin, then Charlie. Names aren’t anything special to you.</p><p>Loki glances at you and takes your hand. “Let’s go. Odin is waiting.”</p><p>Heimdall nods at the rounded exit where guards in golden armor stand, waiting for you. Do they not have any other metals than gold and bronze?</p><p>You follow Loki and greet the guards with a nod. They close in around you and you move closer to Loki. He squeezes your hand but it doesn’t help calm you down. They’re too close for comfort regardless.</p><p>The rainbow bridge looks like it came straight out of a sci-fi film, with cords of light pulsating underneath your feet. The water far, far down below moves like a raging monster. In the distance, the Asgardian city whose name no one’s told you rises above the ground, the buildings massive and shiny. Again, do they have normal iron and paint it over, or just gold? And bronze.</p><p>It takes forever for your group to get to solid ground, but when you do, you’re greeted by smiling children and colours everywhere. Seems like there’s a parade going on in the city.</p><p>You walk past stalls selling toys, sweets and clothes, boutiques with beautiful flowers the likes of which you’ve never seen, wagons driven by horses, dancing men and women of all ages, shouting cheerfully at each other. Reminds you of the scene from <em> Tangled </em> when Rapunzel sees Corona for the first time.</p><p>A child hands you a pretty pink flower and you put it behind Loki’s ear. You giggle and he rolls his eyes, but he can’t help but smile. The guards are taken aback by your actions but pretend they don’t notice you and Loki are walking shoulder to shoulder, still holding hands.</p><p>“That smells delicious,” you say as the aroma of freshly baked goods fills the air. Your stomach growls, reminding you you never got to finish eating at the banquet.</p><p>Loki snickers and looks at one of the guards. “Can we make a stop at the bakery?”</p><p>“Yes, my prince.”</p><p>One of the guards follows you into the brightly painted bakery so you can browse. And by Yggdrasil, you love it.</p><p>It takes forever for you to decide on what you want. Since it’s a bakery, they don’t have much else but fresh bread and pastries, but you don’t mind. In the end, Loki buys you a pastel de nata, cannoli and sufganiyot.</p><p>Loki turns to say something to you a few minutes later, but laughs when he sees you. “You have something… on your face.” He takes one of the napkins he got from the bakery and wipes the jelly from your cheeks.</p><p>“This is <em> so tasty</em>!” you exclaim, stopping to give him easier access. “Please, are there any other places we can eat these? Oh! Are there desserts that can only be found in Asgard? Lemme try them!”</p><p>He laughs again and continues the walk. The guards relax as he does. “You have a really sweet tooth, you know that?”</p><p>“Of course,” you reply, biting into the custard filled mini tarte that’s the pastel de nata. “I love baking. I’m the reason we have an extra fridge. And why Tony is thinking of banning me from the kitchen. Says he’ll get fat.”</p><p>He shakes his head, still laughing, and the two of you walk through the bustling city, up the bridge connecting to the palace and then through endless corridors. The palace is ridiculously big, enough to fit several Jotun cities in just the throne room. The walls are covered in portraits or antiques.</p><p>“I have returned,” Loki says and bows in greeting to the old man clad in golden armor sitting on the golden throne. The Asgardians must be getting blind, needing so much shiny and valuable metal to light up their homes.</p><p>“Very good, Loki.” The man nods at him before resting his gaze on you. “And you’re the human Thor has spoken so highly off, I assume.”</p><p>“I am.” You refuse to bow, mostly because you don’t know how low is too low and how shallow is rude.</p><p>“Why have you come here?”</p><p>With a big grin, you point at Loki. “He’s my friend; I came to visit him.” Loki sighs but gives you a grateful smile. You smile back.</p><p>“I was of the impression you were enemies,” Odin says thoughtfully. “Is that incorrect?”</p><p>“Over half a year ago, that would have been right, but I learned to move on and befriend him.”</p><p>“Curious indeed… And what would you do if I refuse to let you visit?” You arch a brow, meaningfully looking around. He gives you an amused but tired smile. “I meant in the future.”</p><p>“I will fight you.” The guards freeze and Loki grimaces. Only Odin looks like he’s enjoying himself.</p><p>“You, a mere mortal, challenging me? I may be old, but I’m not dead, girl.”</p><p><em> Bold of you to assume my gender. </em> Really rude, actually. You send Loki a glare as he snickers beside you. He blows you a kiss. “I’m positive you can’t smother me immediately,” you say confidently. You have your powers, if you feel like it, you could pierce him from behind or have him drown in solid oxygen. Yes, you can hold your ground.</p><p>Loki clears his throat. “We’ve been through a lot, your majesty, would you be inclined to pardon us for the day?”</p><p>“And where shall she rest?”</p><p>“Okay, first thing’s first, stop assuming my gender,” you interrupt, sending the king a fierce glare, “and second of all, if you won’t take me as Loki’s guest, take me as Thor’s. I’ve known him for longer than Loki, anyway.”</p><p>Odin pauses to look at you. “You are not female?” he asks, perplexed.</p><p>“Do I look female?”</p><p>“Hm, maybe not.” His gaze moves between you and Loki a few times. “Ah, I see.” Whatever it is he’s seen, he won’t share. Instead he nods at the guards. “Send the mortal to our finest guest quarters. <em> They </em> are my son’s guests.” Before you can blow him a raspberry and tell him to stuff his staff where the sun doesn’t shine, Loki grabs your arm, bows again and drags you out of the room. “And Loki, don’t forget you still have time to serve.”</p><p>“Yes, your majesty.”</p><p>“he’s such a douche,” you announce as soon as the guards close the door. They frown at you, not completely understanding the slang.</p><p>Loki grimaces. “My dear, please stop offending the king before the guards throw you in prison.” Your face brightens at the idea of spending more time with Loki. “Oh no, banish those thoughts.”</p><p>“Hey, you can’t read minds.”</p><p>“Who says I can’t?”</p><p>“I do. Now, do you really have to return to jail?” At his nod, you pout.</p><p>“Don’t worry, you can always request a visit. I’m unsure if you’ll be allowed to come, but you can try.”</p><p>“Either they let me see you or I’ll leave dead bodies in my wake.”</p><p>He grins evilly. “Careful, dear, your sleeper agent is showing.”</p><p>You blow him a kiss. “Bite me, prince.”</p><p>“Don’t tempt me.” You both burst out laughing. You compose yourselves only to fall into another fit of giggles at the sight of the guard’s expressions.</p><p>You both fall quiet when the guards stop outside your room. It’s high up, so high you’re contemplating using your abilities to get up and down the palace instead of the stairs.</p><p>“Scared?”</p><p>“Why do you never use my name?”</p><p>Loki is taken aback by your change of subject. He frowns before looking at the guards. “A moment, please.” They nod and walk away, out of earshot. “Does it bother you?”</p><p>“Sometimes.”</p><p>“I apologise. Then, which name do you want me to call you.” He smiles gently at your hesitancy. “This is why I never say it. It’s not <em> you</em>, is it? Neither Robin nor Charlie nor PR10.”</p><p>“But… Charlie is what mum and dad named me…”</p><p>“And people can change their names.” He holds out his hands. “Hug?” You bury yourself in his embrace. “You’re so tiny.”</p><p>“Shut it, I can still kick your ass.”</p><p>“Sure, because you certainly have before.”</p><p>“I wasn’t serious!”</p><p>He bops your nose. “I know. You’re lethal when you want to be. Just… Thank you, for…” You wait patiently for him to find the right words. “Thank you for not hating me anymore. And for still wanting to be my friend.” <em> Despite me being a giant, </em> you finish.</p><p>“Of course. I’m not that shallow.” You kiss his cheek, hug him a last time and wave to the guards. “Let’s see if I can’t get a visit with you.”</p><p>* * *</p><p>* * * * *</p><p>* * *</p><p>The reason Thor didn’t answer when you called is because he was off-world. One of your guards tells you that on a walk the next day. The view from your window is out of this world and you could stare at the palace architecture for days on end, but doing so without Loki is bleak and boring.</p><p>One of your guards suggests going to the library. She tells you Loki used to frequent the place to learn magic and read. He spent a lot of time with Frigga there.</p><p>“That’s the queen, right?” The guard nods. “Oh! Where is she now?”</p><p>They look at each other for a moment before the same one replies with, “Probably in her office or the botanical garden.”</p><p>The library is as big as the Bodleian in Oxford, probably even bigger, with rows upon rows and floors upon floors of books. It’s a haven for a bookworm like you. The guards laugh goodnaturedly at your taken expression and have a hard time keeping up with you running around just looking at the old tomes hidden in here. You find the section for magic and quickly feel jealous of Loki for being able to perform such amazing things.</p><p>You find a book about the creation of Asgard and sit down at a table to read. The details are different, but otherwise it’s the same as for the Norse mythology.</p><p>“Good evening.”</p><p><em> Evening? </em> You look out the window and gape. You’ve been here the entire day. Huh. “Oh, I’m sorry.” You turn around to greet the stranger. “Good evening,” you look at her fancy dress—again, of gold—and add, “milady.”</p><p>The older woman laughs lightheartedly. “I hear you’re a guest of my sons?”</p><p>You blink. <em>Oh.</em> <em>OH.</em> “Oh gods! You’re Frigga!” At the guards offended glares, you correct yourself, “Queen Frigga.” You stand up. “Uh, sorry, but how do I greet you…?”</p><p>She waves away your concern. “Don’t bother with formalities, they’re stiff as is.” Frigga offers a kind smile. “I came to speak with you about Loki. Both he and Thor have told me a lot about you.” For some reason, the revelation embarrasses you.</p><p>“Do you… want to sit?”</p><p>She regally sits down, straight as a rod, still with that kind smile on her face. “What’s your name, dear child?”</p><p>“Charlie.”</p><p>“It’s beautiful.”</p><p>“Thanks.” This is awkward. Why can’t she come back when Thor is here? Or Loki, whichever is available.</p><p>“Charlie, how did you become friends with my son?”</p><p>You smile faintly. “Which of them?”</p><p>“Both.”</p><p>“Well, he was already a part of the Avengers when I became an intern at Stark Industries. Since I helped Tony—the owner—make blueprints for everyone’s suits and gear, he introduced me to Thor. He thought I was a boy. Most people tend to think I’m a girl.”</p><p>“You look like neither and both at the same time.”</p><p>“I’m… intersexual. And androgynous. And demi sexual.” You shrug. “I can feel more like a boy at times and five minutes later I’m dressed in a summer dress wishing I took the time to buy makeup.” You shrug again.</p><p>“Is that why you have short hair?” she asks curiously.</p><p>You grin and nod. “A bit. I’ve always liked short hair—easier to fight, you know?—but yes, it makes the transition easier. I had long hair all throughout high school and at the end of it I was ready to murder anyone that challenged me being male.” Kattanja thankfully decided to keep both your genitals, since you could disguise yourself as both male and female. It was hard during PE, of course, but you never were a normal child, even after reintegrating into society.</p><p>“What are you now?”</p><p>You tilt your head. “Dunno. I don’t feel like anything in particular, at the moment. But when Odin guessed I was female, it pissed me off.”</p><p>She nods in understanding. “Because you don’t feel like either.” She smiles brightly. “Loki’s the same.” You raise a brow. You know from legends he’s a shapeshifter—where did he get his magical genes from?—but the thought of him having such a crisis never crossed your mind.</p><p>“Um, do you think I could ask you for a favour?” you ask carefully.</p><p>“What kind of favour?”</p><p>You purse your lips. “One that might anger your husband.”</p><p>“Oh, tell me!”</p><p>You chuckle. “I want permission to visit Loki. It’d be nice to set him free, but I don’t expect a miracle.”</p><p>Her smile turns sweet and soft. “I like you, Charlie. I really do. I can see why Loki likes you so much. You’re a bit like his good side, something he strives to be. Thank you for being his friend.”</p><p>“I don’t need thanks, your majesty. I’m sorry, but it’s insulting. You never have to thank people for liking your children. Loki is worth it, period.” You stand up and bow slightly. “Thank you for taking your time speaking to me, but I’ll retire for now.”</p><p>Frigga stands up as well. “I will give you permission, Charlie. Whatever my husband says.”</p><p>“Appreciated.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I read a ton about intersexuality (both in Swedish and English) so I could get a better picture of it. Many you/reader fanfics I read have a decided gender (mostly female, from what I've found), but I like the total choice readers get when the gender is hidden or, as I've decided now, doesn't matter, because the mc, Charlie, doesn't care, they're both.</p><p>About the "feeling like a boy and five minutes later dressed in a summer dress wishing for more makeup"... That's just Charlie generalising their own experiences. Of course Charlie can feel like a woman but dress like a hobo, and similarily they can feel male and dress in feminine clothing.</p><p>Both the name Charlie (gender neutral) and their gender was decided in these last two chapters. I suddenly remembered intersexuality (or being born with a form of anomality to your genitals) exists and thought that hey, that fits Charlie to the T. Because while I've been writing this, I have, truth to be honest, viewed Charlie as a woman, BUT Charlie never felt definitely LIKE one. Since I'm female myself (and have never written from a male protagonist's POV before), Charlie's POV is leaning heavily towards female. I'm trying my hardest not to do that too much, but sometimes some things slip through.</p><p>I hope you enjoyed the chapter, and I'm sorry for the long author's note, but I felt it was important to explain this.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0031"><h2>31. Chapter 31</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>You can finally visit Loki.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I should be studying more, but I wanna write and reading 25 pages a day is torture enough.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The underground jail has the weirdest architecture. You’re not sure how people are supposed to get up to the, say, fifty-seventh jail cell since there are no floors, just walls upon walls of high-tech cells.</p><p>Loki’s cell is rather big and rectangular, with a simple bed, a table and chair. Though he doesn’t seem to care, sitting on the floor as he is.</p><p>The jail guard you follow calls his name and his whole demeanor brightens when he recognises you.</p><p>“Can I go inside?”</p><p>“No.”</p><p>“Please?”</p><p>The guard glares at you. “Don’t test my patience.”</p><p>You pout but give up. You sit down, cross-legged, where Loki is sitting, and smile. “Hi. How’ve you been?”</p><p>“A bit bored, but I’ll live. Now I at least have your visits to look forward to.” You grin. “So, what have you been doing?”</p><p>You excitedly tell him about meeting Frigga, seeing the library and your guards allowing you to see the botanical garden. He in turn tells you about the books he’s read and the prisoners he’s seen, which doesn’t sound very fun. He’s reading a Midgardian book right now, fantasy since he remembers you like the genre, but it’s boring and he’s about to drop it.</p><p>“Show me.” You lean closer to the yellowish shield separating the two of you. “Oh! I know this one, it’s really good.”</p><p>He smiles softly. “Do you remember the story?” You nod. “Can you retell it to me?”</p><p>“Sure.” You tell him the story as detailed as possible, first about how the girl ended up with the magical necklace, then when the mysterious entity starts showing up in her dreams. By the time you come to the end of the first book, Loki is leaning his forehead against the shield, engrossed in the story.</p><p>“You can’t mean to tell me it ends with her leaving them.”</p><p>“There are more books.”</p><p>“But! The story’s finished. There’s nothing more to explore. She stopped the villain, saved the world and… and she returned home. How in Yggdrasil’s name can you write another book?”</p><p>You chuckle. “The medallion is able to open doors to any world, remember? The author teamed up with a TV company and got the rights to write about their TV show for the second book. The world in the third book isn’t fanfiction, though.”</p><p>“Fanfiction?”</p><p>“When for example I write about characters from a TV show or film or other book without the author’s proper permission. I have to write a disclaimer stating I don’t own the characters etc.”</p><p>“Oh. Shouldn’t that be illegal?”</p><p>You shrug. If someone publishes it without the author’s permission, claiming it as their own, then yes, it would be illegal, but most people writing fanfics want a better life for their favourite characters, or “fix” something they thought the author did badly. Take all the Naruto fix-it fanfics where his parents are alive or some isekai’d or reincarnated girl comes to steer the plot away from future disasters. You quite like them, seeing how creative writers can be with bloodline limits and other less overpowered abilities and new plots.</p><p>“Naruto?” Loki asks with a frown. “That’s a… strange name.”</p><p>“It’s Japanese.”</p><p>“Huh. Is it a popular series?”</p><p>You grin. “It’s a hit or miss. In the anime community, people either love or hate it. The same goes for the characters. Took me years to overcome my annoyance for the titular protagonist. He gets better with time. At least he wasn’t as annoying as Asta from <em> Black Clover</em>.”</p><p>“Is that another Japanese cartoon?”</p><p>“Anime,” you correct him. “And yes, it is. His voice is high-pitched and I wish he’d stop screaming. I couldn’t watch more than a couple of episodes.”</p><p>Seeing how happy you get talking about anime, he keeps asking for your favourites and their storylines. It goes on for another three hours before the guards chase you out. You blow them a raspberry and head back to your room together with your own designated protectors.</p><p>“This place is otherworldly,” you state as you look at the faintly glowing garden.</p><p>“Of course it is,” one of the guards, Signe, replies with a small smile. “Why do you like him so much, mi… What are you today?”</p><p>“I’m neither, just call me Charlie.”</p><p>“Very well then, Charlie, why do you like prince Loki so much?”</p><p>There is no hesitation in your voice. “He’s warm and cuddly, has a nice voice, gives the best of hugs and I kind of understand him. I can see no one gives him a chance to change, or a very lousy chance. He’s been by my side when I was locked up for being dangerous. He’s not a good guy, but he’s definitely not a bad one, either, not anymore. Whenever I get angry and murderous, he gets me. That’s why I like him.”</p><p>Signe nods. “You make him sound like a nice guy.”</p><p>“He <em> is </em> a nice guy, if you just try to see him for himself and not as a traitor, a prince or a weak magician.” You let the guards open the doors to your room. “I’d sacrifice all of you in a heartbeat to save him. That’s how much I care about him.”</p><p>* * *</p><p>* * * * *</p><p>* * *</p><p>The old ash tree shields you from the sun while you read in the garden. Neither Odin nor Frigga has asked for you and the other nobles keep far away, so you’re mostly left to your own devices.</p><p>According to one of Frigga’s maids, Thor is scheduled to return today. Hopefully he can help you convince Odin to give Loki more freedom.</p><p>“Is that a good book?”</p><p>“Gah!” You nearly freeze Loki’s face off in surprise. “You scared me!”</p><p>Loki sits down and leans his head on your shoulder, laughing. “I can see that. What are you reading?”</p><p>“<em>A Discovery of Witches</em>. It’s really good.”</p><p>“Huh. What’s it about?”</p><p>You spend some time recalling the plot and the characters, something that’s become more frequent the longer you stay here.</p><p>“Mother thinks we’re a couple,” Loki says out of the blue once you’re finished.</p><p>“What?” You laugh faintly. “Really?”</p><p>He nods. “I don’t know what I think about that. I apologise.”</p><p>“For her thinking we’re dating?” He nods. “You can’t help the opinions she’s formed, so stop apologising. But, well, you deserve someone who values you.”</p><p>He looks up at you. “And you don’t?”</p><p>“I do, of course I do, but…” You bite your lip. “I’ve never been in love before. Never been interested. I see people as people and nothing more.”</p><p>“Even me?”</p><p>“Loki, you’re a wonderful person, and I’d like to think I see you for who you are. Never forget that.”</p><p>He smiles brightly and snuggles up against you. It’s astonishing how small he can make himself. “I can’t imagine my life without you anymore. If it wasn’t for you, I’d be so lost. I’m grateful you came into my life.” You lean your head against his and revel in the feeling of him against you. He’s home.</p><p>“You always know what to say, don’t you?” you tease half-heartedly.</p><p>“Me, stuttering as soon as I try saying something important?” He scoffs. “Yeah, right.”</p><p>You laugh and kiss his head. “You’re wonderful. So very very wonderful. The best thing and person in my life. Midgard doesn’t know what it’s missing.”</p><p>“Can I have another kiss?”</p><p>“Of course.” You plant it on his forehead. “You can have as many as you’d like.” You sigh in content and again lean against him. “It’s us now. A team. I won’t ever leave you.”</p><p>“‘Us’… I like the sound of that.” Loki pauses and blinks. Then he laughs at himself. “I have to leave.”</p><p><em> Uh, what? </em> “Why?” Did you say something wrong?</p><p>He stands up and gives you a sad smile. “Have a good day.” And before you can blink, he’s gone. His prison guards curse loudly and scatter.</p><p>You look at Signe. “Did I do something wrong?”</p><p>She gives you a pitying look. “No, it’s him, not you, sweety. Let’s go raid the kitchens, yeah?” You accept the change of topic, close your book and follow them back to the palace.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Half of those cheesy lines at the end that shows how much they appreciate each other comes from a Pin on Pinterst. According to the picture, it was written by plushparker as writing prompts. Credit where credit's due!</p><p>Also I won't link it because it would kinda spoil something.</p><p>Also also, I'm heartbroken. My friend linked me a Swedish newssite (yes it's reliable, one of our biggests and I usually read news there) and apparently Chadwick Boseman passed away from cancer and I'm just very upset right now. He didn't deserve it. I'm half waiting for someone to say it's a hoax, but his family announced it on his Instagram, so that's a dream not coming true.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0032"><h2>32. Chapter 32</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Loki panics. A lot.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>This is bad. Really bad. How could he do this? Something is clearly wrong with him. More than what he already knows. This is the worst! How is he supposed to look at them now? Charlie will never forgive him if they learn of this.</p><p>Stomping around in his room—which he isn’t supposed to be in because he’s a prisoner, but details, details—he’s well on his way to create a permanent track on the floor. But he doesn’t care. The floor is disgustingly shiny, as are the walls. Why did he put up a mirror in here? Looking at himself is the last thing he wants.</p><p>Disgusted with himself, he stands in front of it. He looks normal. Like an Asgardian. Could pass for human if not for the clothes. His hair is kind of long. He hasn’t taken proper care of it for forever and it’s getting curly again. Frigga always said he got it from her. What a bunch of lies.</p><p>He shakes his head and looks into his own eyes. Green. Neither too dark nor too light. Foresty green, Charlie once said, like moss. They drew a picture of a mossy meadow to explain the feeling. Loki didn’t get to take it with him back to Asgard. Does Charlie still have it?</p><p><em> Stop it. </em> It’s like he’s obsessed. All he ever does is think of them. It was subtle at first, wondering what kind of pranks they would pull in the HQ, if they’d stuffed meat or other animal products into his food, to liking how soft their body was and how silky smooth their short hair was.</p><p>Don’t get him started on the physical contact. Holding hands always felt and feels secure. Hugging makes him incredibly happy and fills him with energy. He’s by no means big, not like Thor, but he’s tall enough to tower over Charlie. Enveloping them in a hug, feeling their tiny, cool body against his, it makes his stomach do somersaults and his chest to feel weird, almost cramped. Sleeping together, like they did the first month, was bliss. He felt safe from the Avengers, from Thanos and Odin and Thor and… and the world. From everything.</p><p>Charlie's voice is as gender neutral as the rest of them. It’s not too deep to be female and not too light to not pass as male. It’s simply soothing and easy to relax to. Especially when Charlie tells all those stories. Their voice brims with feelings and seeing their face light up or crumble together with the words, seeing how much they like the books, those feelings makes Loki’s whole body warm. <em> Charlie </em> makes him warm. Happy. Secure.</p><p>Charlie makes him feel loved.</p><p>And therein lay the problem. Charlie has never loved before, doesn’t recognise the feeling and bla bla bla. If they realise Loki’s feelings exceed that of friendship, will they push him away? It’s a risk he can’t take. But it hurts. By the nine realms, it hurts. Listening to their voice, feeling their body against his, all the while knowing his feelings have to remain hidden. It hurts in his chest, like he can’t breathe properly.</p><p>His reflection morphs into his true form. Hideus. Can Charlie even love something like him? He was abandoned by his birth parents and used and lied to by Odin and Frigga. Thor loved him but never properly looked at him, never saw him for who he was. No one had ever loved him for himself, not until Charlie came into that kitchen one morning and declared war on him. From the moment he first lay eyes on the intersexual human, his interest in them knew no end.</p><p>And now he’s fallen in love and risks losing the only true friend he’s ever had.</p><p>Soft knocking pulls him out of his misery. Frigga pokes her head inside and smiles carefully when she sees him. “Can I come in?”</p><p>“I’m a prisoner, do I have any right to refuse the queen?” He plops down on the bed.</p><p>“The guards told me you vanished after a conversation with Charlie.” Frigga sits down on the sofa, a safe distance away. “What happened?”</p><p>“Why do you ask? Not like you care.”</p><p>“Loki, am I not your mother?”</p><p>“How can you be my mother when you lied and deceived me <em> my whole life</em>?!” he explodes. Lucky for her, there’s nothing in his reach to throw. “You took me in as a <em> prize</em>, a souvenir from your fallen enemies! And you never told me.”</p><p>Frigga, her face crumbled in pain and tears, looks him dead in the eye. “I followed my king’s orders. I wanted to tell you but was afraid you’d resent us, resent your birth family. I was a coward, Loki, and I’m sorry. But I do love you. I always have. You make me prouder than you’ll ever know.”</p><p>He laughs hysterically, tears burning in his eyes. “Take a good look, <em> mother</em>, at the creature you adopted. I killed my father, I betrayed Asgard, I committed genocide on Midgard, tore up Charlie’s life… How, exactly, are you <em> proud</em>, dear mother of mine?”</p><p>“Loki!” Frigga defiantly stands up, looking every bit like the queen she is. “Of course I can be proud despite your mistakes. The world and everything in it isn’t black and white. And I can see you trying to change. I have <em> seen </em> you change.” Her hurt expression softens. “That Charlie, they’re good for you. I can see it, the way they light up when they speak about you, how their eyes soften and how lonely they are when you’re not around.”</p><p>“Mother…” He cringes. “It doesn’t matter. They’ll go back to Midgard in due time.”</p><p>“And Charlie will keep coming back for you.”</p><p>“And Odin will never let me go.”</p><p>“I can fix that. I’m the queen and his wife.” She winks. “I have my way around him.”</p><p>Several thoughts run through his mind, most of them not safe for children, and he makes a disgusted noise. “Ew, I don’t want to know.”</p><p>She giggles. “You love them, don’t you?” At his pained expression, she softens even more and walks over to hug him. “Oh my dear boy. Love is hard, isn’t it?”</p><p>“Especially when the one you love doesn’t know what it entails.” He relaxes and hugs her back. “Not that I’m a master of love, but… What if Charlie shuns me?”</p><p>“They would never do that, Loki. You know that. Charlie might not love you like that, but they <em> do </em> love you. It’s as clear as day.” She kisses his temple. “Be brave, my dear child. But only if you want to.”</p><p>“Mhm.”</p><p>“And…” They chuckle a bit.</p><p>“I know, I’ll return to the prison.”</p><p>“Thank you. But Loki, I was serious. I will get you out of there.” She kisses him again and leaves, her mind set on having Odin lift his sentence.</p><p>* * *</p><p>* * * * *</p><p>* * *</p><p>A few days later, Loki finds Charlie reading by the pond in a secluded part of the garden. They look peaceful and content, as if they belong here.</p><p>His heart clenches.</p><p>Charlie looks up from the book and smiles at him. “Loki, you’re free!” They stand up and put the book in a borrowed satchel. Gone are the clothes from Jotunheim, instead Charlie is wearing a knee-long dress of sorts, that you tie at the waist, almost like a jacket. They’re wearing light grey leggings and high hunter boots, too.</p><p>“I am. What were you reading?”</p><p>“<em>Gumiho</em>.” They hold up the cover for him to inspect. There’s a lot of pink. “It’s the story of a korean fox spirit and a human boy. It gives me an insight in Korean mythology and vocabulary.”</p><p>“Hmm, tell me about it.”</p><p>“Now?”</p><p>“Yes please.” He needs a distraction.</p><p>Charlie’s face cracks open into a big smile. “Sure! Come and sit down.” They drag him to the tree and push him to the ground before sitting down in his lap. “So, it starts off with this girl, Go Miyoung, who has just moved to Seoul…”</p><p>Charlie smells of burnt wood. Did they sit too close to the fireplace? Loki leans closer. Yep. Definitely sat too close. But it’s not unpleasant. He used to sit in his mother’s lap, reading, close to the burning fire during evenings. Before all hel broke loose.</p><p>“… and Jihoon is <em> super cute</em>, like you couldn’t believe it. I prefer him to most YA male love interests. But back to the story. So, with her fox bead lost, she has to…”</p><p>This is nice. Though he can’t reveal his true feelings to Charlie, still being able to sit together underneath the symbolic world tree, reading, is nice. Normal. Still intimate, but not too much. He doesn’t risk anything by doing this.</p><p>“Loki, is the story boring?”</p><p>“Huh?”</p><p>Charlie leans to the side so they can look at him. “You’re not paying attention. You usually do.”</p><p>He grimaces. “Sorry, I was thinking of something.”</p><p>“I noticed.” They smile at each other. “So, is there anything else you want to do?”</p><p>“No.”</p><p>“So, sitting here, looking at the ducks, that’s fine?” He nods. “Well, you’re easy to please.” They lean against him and he finds himself hugging them from behind. Charlie exhales deeply. “I like this place. A bit over the top, but the people are polite, the garden’s amazing and I’m allowed to go to the city.”</p><p>“Have you put all bakeries into bankruptcy yet?” he grins against Charlie’s hair.</p><p>“Hey, I’m not a glutton.” They pause. “Normally.” He snorts. “Anyway! I decided not to go there until I can take you with me.”</p><p>“Then let’s go the next time I’m free,” Loki suggests. “I’ll pay for it, since you don’t have any money.”</p><p>Charlie coughs. “Rude,” they whisper. “Actually, queen Frigga said I can use her name and send the receipts to the palace.”</p><p><em> Of course she did. </em> He grimaces again. “You seem at home here.”</p><p>“Yeah! It’s so nice, not having to worry about supervillains all the time. I don’t think I’ve been this relaxed since I became an Avenger.”</p><p>“That’s good to hear.”</p><p>A duck lands in the water, followed by two others, and they swim around, looking for fish. Charlie leans forward for a better view and Loki moves with them, leaning his chin and cheek on their shoulder. The ducks notice them and curiously swim over. When the two of them offer them nothing, the ducks return to looking for food.</p><p>“Was it your dream to become an Avenger?” Loki asks after a while.</p><p>Charlie shakes their head. “After growing up with Kattanja, I refused to use my powers. I locked them away behind gauntlets and lies, afraid that if people found out what I could do, they’d… you know… use me.”</p><p>He nods, his mind flashing back to back to the tall titan that used him. To Odin that saw him as a means to end a war. “Why did you agree?”</p><p>“Because the salary was astronomical, at least compared to my parents’. And working for <em> the </em> Tony Stark was exciting and not something I’d ever hoped to do. I was an intern before I became an Avenger. But during the Manhattan incident, I revealed my abilities to fight back against the Chitauri. Tony noticed and offered me a seat at the Avengers table.”</p><p>“Again, why did you agree?”</p><p>“I didn’t. Not in the beginning. But he told me about all the good I could do, to make up for whatever fear I had about my powers and abilities to control them. I could save lives, help society—and become a popular American icon at the same time. That, I didn’t care for. Could’ve lived without it.”</p><p>“So humble,” Loki teases. Charlie laughs, and Loki hugs them tighter.</p><p>“Tony said the same thing, you know. He likes the attention. I can kind of get it—it’s nice being recognised for your efforts, for your work, but the autographs, the toys… the TV shows… It feels weird. I’m not a great hero, I didn’t want to become one, but I feel good trying to help people, to use these powers meant for harm to do good instead.”</p><p>“Revenge against those that hurt you.”</p><p>“Yep. Precisely.” Charlie squirms until he lets them go. They stand up and offer a hand. “Let’s go for a walk, my butt is pretty numb.” He laughs. “Did you know your laugh is beautiful?”</p><p>Loki stops and looks at Charlie as they pull him deeper into the garden. “No. I don’t consider it particularly beautiful.” There’s not much about him that can be considered even pretty anymore.</p><p>Charlie cocks their head to the side, looking for the right words to describe it. “It’s like… the sun. It’s warm and bubbly and happy. Your eyes and nose wrinkle and you smile brightly. You look at ease, relaxed, and honestly speaking? When people look happy, they’re beautiful, regardless of their looks.”</p><p>“Did you just call me ugly?”</p><p>“Hey! Don’t twist my words.” They pout, then they shake their head and squeeze his hand. “No, Loki, there’s nothing about you that’s ugly. You’ve done a marvelous job putting yourself back together, to take the ugly and reform it.” Are those the right words? Charlie really isn’t the pep-talk person. “I mean, you look physically good, sure, but I care more about what’s in here.” They stop and press their hand above his heart. “Sounds cringey, right?” They laugh.</p><p>Loki looks at them, how they smile despite being awkward, at the hand above his beating heart, telling him he’s beautiful. Has Odin and Frigga and even Thor ever said something similar to him? Maybe they have, but he can’t remember at the moment.</p><p>He puts his own hand on top of Charlie’s and tries to smile. It breaks. “I love you.”</p><p>Charlie stops smiling and looks at him in surprise. Then they smile an even bigger, brighter smile. “You too. I love you lots. Hug?” He nods, trying hard not to cry, because Charlie’s love and his love are completely different. But they do love him, and as long as he has at least that, he’ll endure.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>As someone who's never been in love, I am literally bullshitting my way through this. I base their feelings off of YA books I've read since I was 12, as well as positive critisicm I've read about these books and how they can improve the romance; how I envision people to fall in love (it. Takes. Time!); and YouTubers ripping the romance to shreds, reminding people heterosexuality isn't the only sexuality and people don't always belong in their own bodies or genders. So I hope that even though I have no actual experience to fall back on, Loki's feelings and Charlie's feelings don't come from completely out of nowhere (Charlie's demi sexual, meaning they fall for personality rather than gender etc) and that it feels real.</p><p>Don't get me wrong, I love my YA books, but at the end of the day, the characters in for example Twilight or Iron Fey or even House of Night (that spans like 10+ books) don't know each other intimately. For example, what are their favourite colours? Why? Hobbies? Do they have hobbies? Did they have any prior to meeting vampires or getting their brothers kidnapped by fey? Bella, Meghan and Zoey and the rest of the heroines are badass if annoying, but I can't honestly say I relate to them, because I know almost nothing about them. They simply don't feel real.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0033"><h2>33. Chapter 33</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>You discover something about yourself.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>That evening, you sit at their windowsill, looking at the Bifrost in the far distance. Loki’s words keep repeating in your mind. He loves you . He said that once before, but you figured it was a brotherly love, because you had stood by his side when he needed it the most. But seeing him almost cry while saying it this time made you both uncomfortable and happy.</p><p>No one had ever loved you like that. Sure, in school there had been some people asking you out, but you had ended up weirding them out when those interested figured out you were intersexual. Some of them were disgusted, some scared. You always figured it was because intersexual people were rare. Most of them were given a gender at birth, but not you. Because Kattanja saw an opportunity.</p><p>There had been two people, a boy and a girl, that had asked you if you would give up your gender <em> confusion</em>, as they’d called it, for their sake. Since you had never really loved them, and you weren’t really together, you had rejected them both. But Loki doesn’t care about that. He is gender fluid as well, you knew that from the stories Thor had told you, from the legends you’d read—Loki had, in one story, turned into a horse, gotten pregnant and given birth to the eight-legged horse Sleipnir, for example. Loki understands you like few people do, and you understand him better than anyone. </p><p>You like Loki. He looks good, has good humour, can make you laugh, is easy to talk to, doesn’t judge you, he helped you when the Avengers had locked you up… He isn’t evil, not anymore. He is the best person you have ever met.</p><p>But do you love him?</p><p>You put their hand above your rapidly beating heart. Being near Loki doesn’t cause your brain to stop functioning. You don’t blush uncontrollably and your stomach doesn’t do somersaults. Not even butterflies hatch and flutter inside you. But being near Loki feels right. His warmth is comforting, addicting, and you find yourself wanting to be near him at all times. You know Loki the best; his worries, his hobbies, his likes, dislikes, his favourite colour and so much more.</p><p>But again, is it love?</p><p><em> Do I want to kiss him? </em> There’s an easy answer. You would like to try, but if you kiss, you and Loki, and you don't feel anything special, it will break him. You don't want to upset him; he’s too precious to you to risk that.</p><p>Why must feelings be so complicated?</p><p>Your gaze shifts to the bridge connecting the Bifrost to the city. It’s the symbol of the LBTQ+ community, and a symbol for Asgardians as well. You laugh about that.</p><p><em> Would I be comfortable living here? With Loki? </em> Yes, is the immediate answer. Living in Asgard with him by your side would be the perfect dream. Or living with him in general.</p><p>Someone knocks on the door and you return to the present. “Yes?”</p><p>“It’s me.”</p><p>You rush to open the door and hug Loki hard. “They let you out again?”</p><p>Loki smiles in your hair, hugging you back. “No one can boss the queen around,” he says. “Can I come in?”</p><p>You lead him inside and take a seat at the bed. He sits down as well, hugging a pillow. No one says anything.</p><p>“So, uh, I…” Loki looks away. “I’m sorry I blurted out ‘I love you’.”</p><p>You raise your eyebrows. “Why? Don’t you love me?”</p><p>Loki gives you a look of horror. “Of— of course I do! You’re my best friend. But I realised… uh… it could be seen as a… you know… confession.”</p><p>“I figured you had feelings for me.” You smile gently. “There’s nothing wrong with falling in love, Loki.”</p><p>He grimaces. “There is something wrong when the person you love doesn’t love you back.”</p><p>“You think I don’t love you?”</p><p>“Of course you love me.” You laugh at his confidence and he flush. “You know what I mean!”</p><p>“I’m sorry.”</p><p>He pouts. “Whatever.” Remembering himself, he looks away again. “We don’t love each other in the same way. But I don’t want to lose you, so please, don’t leave.”</p><p>“Loki, why are you so adamant that I don’t love you?”</p><p>He looks at you for a moment, eyebrows furrowed and his mind in overdrive. “There have been no signs. And you’re, well, you. You haven’t changed the slightest.”</p><p>You laugh and move closer so you can bump your foreheads together. “Just because I haven’t changed when I’m with you doesn’t mean I don’t love you.” It’s true. There doesn’t have to be a big revelation. The feelings don’t have to come from thin air or smack you in the face. They can grow slowly underneath the pre-existing friendship, disguising itself until it’s ready to be found. Love can be gentle.</p><p>You grin and, not giving him time to react, take his head between your hands and kiss him. He stares at you, red in the face, confused and silent. His mouth opens and closes several times and his eyes roam around the room, everywhere except on you.</p><p>“Why?” he finally asks, his voice thin.</p><p>“Because I wanted to.”</p><p>“That’s evil.”</p><p>“Don’t cry, Loki.” You hug him. “I’ve been thinking about this, you know? Before you got here. I wanted to kiss you. Not only because I was curious, but because I thought I’d like it. And I did. I want to do it again.”</p><p>“Why?”</p><p>“Wh—” You almost roll your eyes. “Love doesn’t have to come crashing into your life, Loki. It’s allowed to seep into the cracks of friendship and nurture itself.” You back away to give him space. “I’ll be here when you calm down. We can discuss this later. I’m not going anywhere.”</p><p>The dam bursts. His eyes well up with tears and tries to hide his sobs. He covers his face with his hands. Surprised, you sit beside him, putting your arms around his shoulders. He leans against you.</p><p>“I love you so much,” he says between sobs. “I’m so sorry.”</p><p>“Don’t be. I love that you love me.” You giggle. “Loki, I’m honoured. I like you too. I love you too. We’ll discover this new stage together.”</p><p>“I love you.”</p><p>You kiss him on the head. “I love you too. I love you lots. Please don’t apologise.”</p><p>* * *</p><p>* * * * *</p><p>* * *</p><p>He falls asleep on top of your covers. No one comes looking for him, which you attribute to Frigga. You have to thank her next time you meet.</p><p>While Loki sleeps, you divide your attention between looking at him and your sketchbook. Signe bought it at your request. At the moment, you’re drawing Loki on your bed, sleeping soundly. When you’re done, you draw the pond and the ducks. The two if you are standing there, looking at it, him with his arm around your shoulder and yours around his waist. Seeing the result makes your heart flutter.</p><p>Yes, Loki is the right person. He’s the only one that makes you truly happy. He’s the only one you’ll ever allow to kiss you, to hold you intimately. He’s the one you love.</p><p>“Mm.” Loki stirs and slowly sits up. “Why are you still awake?”</p><p>You laugh. “You know, it’s time you say my name.”</p><p>“I have done that multiple times,” he deadpans.</p><p>“Correction, I want you to say my name when I can hear you.”</p><p>He blushes. “No.”</p><p>“Hey, why not?”</p><p>“Because… because.”</p><p>“That’s not an answer. I demand a real answer!” You walk over to him and throw your arms around his neck. He goes beet red immediately. “You know, seeing you like this is hilarious. Where did my best friend go?”</p><p>“He evolved into this mess.” He gestures to himself. “And it’s all your fault.”</p><p>You snicker and kiss him on the lips. “I take full responsibility. I simply cannot contain all this cuteness.”</p><p>That makes him laugh. “Where did that confidence come from?”</p><p>“Excuse you, I’ve always been confident!”</p><p>“Yeah, sure.” You pout and he pokes your cheek.</p><p>“You were supposed to kiss me, but okay.”</p><p>“Poking felt right.” He puts his arms around you and pulls you into a hug. “This feels good. Are you sure you’re all right with this?”</p><p>“I will explain it to you over and over again until you get it into your thick skull. Yes, I do, indeed, love you like you love me.” You kiss him again. “I love you.”</p><p>“I love you too.”</p><p>A knock on the door causes Loki to nearly push you away. He stares at it, his eyes wide.</p><p>“Calm down, it’s just he guards,” you tell him. “What is it?” you shout at the door.</p><p>“The king and queen wants to see you and prince Loki.”</p><p>The two of you look at each other. Loki frowns in worry, but you shrug it off and leave the bed. He silently follows after you.</p><p>Odin and Frigga are in the throne room. The king is sitting down while Frigga stands tall and proud, looking at the two of you with a fond smile.</p><p>“Thank you for coming,” Frigga says. “Both of you.”</p><p>“We are here today to discuss the details regarding Loki’s punishment,” Odin says without fully acknowledging them. “The queen has put up a remarkable case in the prisoner’s favour, and has called you, Charlie, to further discuss these matters.”</p><p>You blink in surprise, not knowing what to say. Loki takes your hand and you squeeze it in thanks.</p><p>“Charlie, tell us again about Loki’s time on Earth,” Frigga asks gently.</p><p>So you do, from the moment the two of you met, to your ridiculous pranking war, the grocery store, your travels and how the other Avengers reacted. You answer all and any questions the powerful monarchs throw at you, all the while holding onto Loki like a lifeline. Odin will die by your hand if he dares imprisoning his son unfairly.</p><p>Odin looks at your intertwined hands and raises a brow in a silent question.</p><p>You’re about to explain your current relationship when Loki pulls you behind him. “We don’t have to explain anything to you, your highness.” His voice is colder than ice.</p><p>“Hm. Charlie, do you love him?”</p><p>“Yep,” you say without hesitation. “He’s my best friend and…” You grin at Loki. “I’m currently trying to convince him I want to be his lover.”</p><p>“How do you know he hasn’t bewitched you?”</p><p>“Because I’m still myself. Those people at the grocery store were real. I’ve met them before. Their feelings were hurt, they were angry, and they tried to hurt him. From what I’ve understood, Loki wouldn’t hurt himself to fool people like that.”</p><p>“You do understand the gravity of his crimes?”</p><p>“Yes, your highness, I do. But Loki is trying really hard to change, and I want you to see and reward that. If you don’t want him to do it again, then praise what he’s doing now instead of berating him for it. Hate only breeds more hate, you know? He won’t want to change if no one tries to accept it.”</p><p>“And I suppose that is what you did?” You nod. “Very well. I will allow him more freedom, per the queen’s request. However, he is to be monitored at all times. We will study his behaviour, these so-called changes, for, let’s see, five years. I’ll give you five years. Show me you can live in harmony with others in five years, without causing grief, and I will judge your case again. Is that to your satisfaction?”</p><p>You grin widely and nod. Loki bows in respect, his face a careful mask of indifference. Only Frigga smiles bright like the sun, clasping her hands together in an attempt to reign in her chaotic feelings.</p><p>“Yes, your highness.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I'm a bit emotional this fic is coming to an end. This is actually one of few stories that I've (almost) managed to finish. Thank you so much to everyone who's reading, to the silent ones and the ones leaving comments, kudos and bookmark it. It means a lot and motivates me to keep writing.</p><p>There will be one more chapter after this.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0034"><h2>34. Epilogue</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The last chapter and epilogue. Literally only fluff and sweet moments.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Holding hands, you wait patiently for Loki to take a few deep breaths and get over the fact he’s a free man. He looks at you and you smile. He does too, and it’s a bit shaky, but that’s fine.</p><p>“Where do you want to go first?” you ask, excited at the prospect of travelling anywhere and everywhere with him again. This time, without worry.</p><p>“I… I don’t know. I never thought…” Another deep breath. “I never thought this day would come. Not so soon, at least.” He looks at you. “Why not go to Earth? You haven’t seen your friends in a while. And I’m sure Thor’s there.”</p><p>“Probably,” you muse. “But all right, let’s go to Earth! I need to see Emma and Bucky again—it’s been ages. And Peter. That boy’s a ray of sunshine. Oh! I need to introduce you to mum and dad and Gand and, well, my other parents. If you want. You don’t have to.”</p><p>He brings you in for a hug. It’s warm, safe and secure. The perfect hug. You never want to leave. “I’d love to meet both of your parents. Who’s Gand?”</p><p>“My brother. Adopted, of course. He… he died. I never got to say goodbye.” You pick up your phone and hand it to him. “This is his… his goodbye message. Because I was busy and missed the call.” Your eyes tear up. “I visit his grave every once in a while. To check up on him, tell him how I’m doing, what Mira’s doing—his girlfriend and fiancée. They have a child together.”</p><p>Loki carefully drags his fingers through your short hair. It’s the second— no, third best feeling in the world, after hugs and kisses. “I love you so much it hurts. I don’t know how to explain it, but… I love you. And I’m so happy you had him to rely on. I’m grateful. I wish I’d met him.”</p><p>You sob. “He would have loved you too. Would have been so happy you love me.” You wipe your face. “All right! No time to waste. Let’s go greet the others. The Avengers first, then mum and dad, then Gand, then my, uh, biological parents and Dorotea.”</p><p>“Who?”</p><p>“Didn’t I tell you?” Maybe not. You don’t remember. “She’s the baby Kattanja swapped me with. Don’t ask where she came from—I have no clue. She doesn’t like me.”</p><p>“Then she’s blind.” He takes your hand, kisses it and leads you through the streets, to the Bifrost. Back to your home and friends.</p><p>“Loki?”</p><p>“Mm?”</p><p>“I love you. Thank you for being you.”</p><p>His smile is the most beautiful you’ve ever seen, shining brighter than Thor’s golden hair, than the sun, than anything you’ve ever laid eyes on. This is what absolute, raw happiness looks like.</p><p>“Thank you for giving me a chance.”</p><p>* * *</p><p>* * * * *</p><p>* * *</p><p>The first one to congratulate them once they explain everything that’s happened, is Wanda. Then it’s Nat, Clint, Steve and Peter. After the initial shock, even Tony and Vision and dr. Banner join in.</p><p>“When did this happen?” Nat asks, curiosity written all over her face.</p><p>The two of you look at each other and grin. “We became friends,” you say, “and then we realised we could be more.”</p><p>“I like that,” Wanda sighed dreamily. “As long as you,” she looks at Loki, “makes Charlie happy, then I have no complaints.”</p><p>“Same here,” the others agree.</p><p>His voice thick, Loki thanks them. Then he turns to Thor, who hasn’t said a word. “Brother?”</p><p>Thor, with his arms crossed and his brows furrowed close together, looks up from the ground. He breaks into the widest, happiest smile and throws himself at Loki. “You deserve it, brother. I am so sorry I couldn’t… <em> didn’t </em> see you for who you are. I am an idiot.”</p><p>“Don’t say that.” Loki refuses to cry in front of these people! It’s undignified and unbecoming of a prince. “I… I…” He hugs him back, words not being enough to convey the relief, the happiness and all the other thousands of feelings going through him.</p><p>“Will you be staying here?” Tony asks. “We’ll prepare another bedroom for you, if you want.”</p><p>“I— Can I?”</p><p>Tony grins. “Of course! You want one close to Charlie, right? FRIDAY, reserve the room closest to Charlie, on the same level.” He shakes Loki’s hand. “Welcome to the club. There’s always room for another Avenger.”</p><p>Loki almost chokes on air. “Av— You cannot be serious. I… I killed people. <em> Your </em> people. Why…?”</p><p>Tony flashes him another of his grins before nodding at you. “I once told short stuff over here—don’t look at me like that, you know it’s true—that you changing is something we need, a sign that we can move on. We all needed that change, that spark. Having you on the team will make everything a whole lot easier.” He looks away, more emotional than he anticipated. “You’ll make a good Avenger, one day.”</p><p>“I— I'm— <em> Thank you</em>.” Loki wipes his face before he starts crying again.</p><p>“Mr. Loki?” The prince looks at Peter. “I’m Peter Parker. Spiderman. Charlie’s a friend of mine, too. Hello.”</p><p>Loki blinks, lost, before looking at you for confirmation. You chuckle and nod. “Well, hello there, Peter Parker. If you don’t mind me asking, how old are you?”</p><p>He smiles sheepishly. “Not nearly old enough to be an Avenger. I’m jealous.”</p><p>Loki grins and offers his hand. Peter excitedly takes it. “Let’s make the most out of our opportunities, shall we?”</p><p>“Yes, mr. Loki!”</p><p>“No need to be so formal, call me Loki.”</p><p>“Yes, Loki!”</p><p>“Where are you going now?” Steve asks you, while Happy, Pepper and the others crowd around Loki.</p><p>“First, to my parents and Gand, then my biological parents. They want to be a part of my life, and I’m not against that.” You don’t tell him about Bucky and Emma. His whereabouts are not something you have the right to divulge. When Bucky is ready to confront Steve, you’ll be there to help him, but for now, you’ll keep your mouth shut, for Bucky’s sake.</p><p>“Tell them I said ‘hi’.”</p><p>You kiss his cheek. “I will.”</p><p>* * *</p><p>* * * * *</p><p>* * *</p><p>“Charlie?” your mother says in surprise when she opens the door. “Why— Oh! Hello.” She gives Loki a once-over. “Welcome, welcome, come inside.”</p><p>She rushes you to the living room and calls for your dad before disappearing into the kitchen.</p><p>Loki looks at the quaint house smaller than his bedroom and smiles at you. “This is homey. I like it.”</p><p>“I’m glad. Have I ever told you their names?”</p><p>“Beatrice and… Jasper?” You nod. “Then yes, you’ve told me.” You roll your eyes and nudge him playfully. He puts his arm around you and you lean against him.</p><p>“Charlie! Oh, hello, and who are you?” your father asks, coming down from the stairs. Loki stands up to shake his hand.</p><p>“I’m…” He looks at you.</p><p>“Tell them.”</p><p>“I’m Loki of Asgard. I’m Charlie’s…” His ears go red. “Er, I’m their, their…”</p><p>You giggle and stand up to wrap your arms around him. “Loki’s my partner.”</p><p>“Oh, congratulations!” Your father brings him into a bear hug and all air leaves Loki’s body. “Does this mean you’re a step-parent, Charlie?”</p><p>You cough. “He doesn’t have children, dad.”</p><p>Loki, now completely red, mutters and stammers uncontrollably.</p><p>“No? Then I’m terribly sorry. Oh, this is awkward. Bea! Please come and save me.” Your father grins before excusing himself into the kitchen.</p><p>You and Loki sit down on the sofa again, and this time it’s you who put your arm around him. “Dad’s the one who got me hooked on Norse mythology. He’s a historian and specialises in it.”</p><p>“I don’t have… I’m…”</p><p>You bite your lip to stop yourself from laughing. “Loki, it’s a misunderstanding on our part, you’ve done nothing wrong.” Though he <em> is </em> known as a lust-filled god in the myths. But you’re not about to tell him that.</p><p>“Loki, dear, do you drink tea?”</p><p>“Yes, please,” he whispers. “I’d like some, please.”</p><p>Beatrice smiles. “Gosh, you’re such a polite boy! Tell me, how’d you become friends?” She puts down the tray with mugs while Jasper holds the pastries.</p><p>“Uuuuuuh.” Loki squirms. “Charlie was forced to babysit me.”</p><p>You grin and take a cinnamon bun. “There are more dignified words than that, Loki. I’m not about to look down on myself.” You wink at him and he gapes.</p><p>“How in Yggdrasil’s name do you remember that?!”</p><p>“I have an excellent memory!”</p><p>“Yeah, sure.”</p><p>Beatrice and Jasper laugh loudly. “At least you bicker like an old couple. Tell me, Loki, what is it that you love about Charlie?”</p><p>* * *</p><p>* * * * *</p><p>* * *</p><p>Gand’s grave is as peaceful and quiet as ever. Your parents have been here, raking leaves, cleaning the gravestone and putting more flowers in front of it. You offer Gand his favourite flowers, forget-me-nots, while Loki leaves a bouquet of flowers only found on Asgard.</p><p>“Hi again,” you greet the headstone and sit down in Loki’s lap. “This is Loki, my partner.”</p><p>
  <em> “Oho? You managed to find one, eh?” </em>
</p><p>“Yeah, I did. He’s wonderful. My best friend, too.”</p><p>
  <em> “Gasp! Have you replaced me? How dare you! He’s hot, by the way. Does he have a brother?” </em>
</p><p>You giggle, and Loki pulls a strand of hair behind your ear. It’s not weird, he thinks, to speak to the dead. Rather, it’s a way of moving forward, of processing the grief. And it’s touching how you still find it in you to rely on your brother and his opinions, even after death. A pity Loki will never meet him.</p><p>“Good evening, Gand. I’m Loki. Nice to meet you.”</p><p>
  <em> “Loki, my man! You love green, I see.” </em>
</p><p>Loki stares at the gravestone. For a short moment, he could swear he heard a voice. “I do. It’s my favourite colour.”</p><p>
  <em> “Neat! Hey, man, take care of Charlie for me, okay? They need all the love they can get. The gods know they need it.” </em>
</p><p>“Of course,” he almost sneers. “Charlie is my love, and I plan on telling them that every day from now on.”</p><p>
  <em> “Good. Thank you. And Loki? I really do think we’d be great friends. If I'd been alive, that is. But for now, thank you for loving Charlie. Thank you for being there for them.” </em>
</p><p>Choking on tears, Loki nods. “Thank you for taking care of them before that. I wish I could have met you.”</p><p>“Me too,” you whisper. Loki hugs you close from behind. “I love you, Gand. I love you, Loki.”</p><p>“And I, you.”</p><p>
  <em> “I love you too, Charlie. So much more than I’ll ever be able to tell you.” </em>
</p><p>* * *</p><p>* * * * *</p><p>* * *</p><p>Dorotea is the one that opens the door. She scowls when she sees you, but stares with wide eyes when she notices Loki behind you. His smile isn’t only pleasant, and she notices this. “Mum, dad, Charlie’s back!” she calls into the house before letting you in.</p><p>Fanny and Tobias come out from another room and smile at you. “Charlie, my child!” Fanny says and hugs you. Tobias pulls you both into a group hug. Dorotea glares. She flees to the kitchen when Loki levels her with a malevolent glare.</p><p>“Good evening, I’m Loki, Charlie’s partner.”</p><p>“The god?” Tobias asks, surprised, and shakes hands with him. “Didn’t you destroy Manhattan?”</p><p>Loki cringes. “Sadly, I did. I’m trying to move past that, for the better. I’ll be joining the Avengers to pay humanity back.”</p><p>Tobias nods. “Good. They could use your help, I gather. But let’s sit down, all of us! Tell me, what’s happened since last we met?”</p><p>“Do you want anything to eat or drink?” Fanny asks.</p><p>“What kind of teas do you have?”</p><p>“Oh, a lot! Dorotea, could you bring one of each?”</p><p>“Yes, mum,” the girl calls from the kitchen.</p><p>“Do you have any pie?” you ask, remembering the last time they fed it to you. “The apple pie was delicious.”</p><p>“I made some rhubarb pie today,” Fanny says with a smile. “I’ll go heat it up for you. You want a piece too, Loki?”</p><p>“If it’s not too much to ask.”</p><p>“Pft, of course not! You want any, dear?”</p><p>Tobias shakes his head. “I’ll save mine for the weekend. But thank you, Fan.”</p><p>After you are all seated, you take a deep breath. “So, as I said, Loki is my partner now. Is there anything you’d like to ask?”</p><p>An hour later, you follow Dorotea up to her room. She wouldn’t stop looking at you for the whole conversation, never saying anything. Figures she has something private to ask you about.</p><p>As soon as you close the door, she opens her mouth. “How many parents do you need?”</p><p>“Pardon?”</p><p>She glares at you. “Don’t you have parents already?” You nod. “Exactly. So why are you suddenly interested in my parents?”</p><p>“Dorotea,” you say, frowning. “I’m not here to steal or take them back. I’m here because they deserve to know what happened to me. Wouldn’t you want to know if it was your friend or child?” She looks away, still hurt. You sigh. “I never intended to make them my parents, all right? I just came to tell them who I was. It was them that insisted on getting to know me, not the other way around.”</p><p>“But you agreed!”</p><p>“Because I was curious, yes. That doesn’t give you any right to hate me. I’m their biological child, after all.”</p><p>“Are you a boy or a girl?”</p><p>You nearly get whiplash from the sudden change of subject. “What?”</p><p>“Your gender. What is it?”</p><p>“I don’t see what that has to do with anything.”</p><p>“Just <em> tell me</em>!”</p><p>You hold up your hands in defeat. “For the love of Yggdrasil, I’m intersexual, okay? I was born with both genitals.”</p><p>She pauses, backs up, frowns. “So… what does that make you?”</p><p>You shrug. “Both and neither. I was born both as a man and woman. I still have them both.”</p><p>“Don’t you, like, feel like a girl or a boy?”</p><p>“Sometimes I’m a woman, sometimes a man. Sometimes I don’t care. Then I’m either none or both.”</p><p>She shakes her head, even more confused. “But that doesn’t make any sense.”</p><p>“Not to you maybe, but to me and my friends, it does.” You shrug. “I’m their child, too, you know. And you’re my sister, whether you like it or not. But I won’t stand here, trying to convince you to accept me. I don’t need that. I just want to see Fanny and Tobias. If you’d like to get to know me too, then you have my number. Until then, stop glaring daggers and behave.” You open the door, give her a last look and leave.</p><p>“Sister?”</p><p>* * *</p><p>* * * * *</p><p>* * *</p><p>“Long time no see,” Bucky greets you with a hug. “Hello, you must be Loki. I’m Bucky.”</p><p>Loki shakes his hand with a smile. “Yes, I am. I’ve heard about you. Cool arm.”</p><p>Bucky takes you to the sofa and offers it to you. “Emma’s in the shower. Do you want anything?”</p><p>“Good gods, no,” you laugh. “I’ve had way too much sweets to eat for one day. But hey, how’s life been going?”</p><p>Bucky sits down in an armchair and smiles his signature small smile. “Great, actually. Emma’s been helping me with… with my mental health. She consulted a therapist she knows and got a crash course in how to ask which questions. We’ve come really far.”</p><p>You almost jump into his lap in excitement. “That’s amazing! What about the nightmares?”</p><p>“Still have them, but they’re not as bad. They’re bad, but better. Sometimes I dream about nice things.”</p><p>“Can I ask about what?”</p><p>“Fields of bunnies. Had one as a child. Named it Steve, after… after Steve.” His smile turns sad for a moment. “I dream about Emma, too. She’s been good to me.”</p><p>Loki offers him a soft smile. “My mother, she taught me a lot of magic. She makes healing medicine, as well. There are a few spells I could show you, if you’d like. They don’t last forever, but they help with anxiety and sleep. I can ask her for medicine, as well. If you’d like to, that is.”</p><p>Bucky looks at him in surprise. “Would you do that for me? Really?”</p><p>“Yes. You’re Charlie’s friend, after all, and so far, I like you. They’ve told me a bit about you, and I think I can help, at least a bit.”</p><p>“It… That… Yes please. If you can.”</p><p>Emma walks into the small space and smiles at you all. “Loki! Finally I get to meet you. Charlie’s told me so much about you. Tell me, did you really engage in a prank war?”</p><p>Loki laughs. “We did, but it was their fault.”</p><p>“Hey! It wasn’t! Your attitude sucked ass.”</p><p>He nudges you. “I thought you liked my personality.”</p><p>“I do, but it was annoying back then. Especially when you nearly cracked my head open.”</p><p>“Touché.”</p><p>Emma and Bucky laugh. “You’re adorable together,” Emma says with a fond smile. “You know what? Roadtrip. The four of us. We should totally do it.”</p><p>Loki perks up. “Yes! I’d love to see more of this country. And world. I’d love to go.”</p><p>“Emma… You know I can’t.</p><p>“Psh, don’t be like that, Buck.” She walks up to him, sits down in his lap and kisses his forehead. “You need to do something fun.”</p><p>“Being with you <em> is </em> fun,” he grumbles. She rolls her eyes and kisses him on the lips. You and Loki grin at each other.</p><p>“You’re such a dork, but fine, I won’t force you. Now, at least. But mark my words, one day I’ll get you out of that seat.”</p><p>“Actually,” Loki interrupts her, still grinning, “I’d like to propose a solution.” They both look at him. “I can do what’s called illusion magic. I can glamour him into looking like someone else. I do it to myself all the time.”</p><p>“He did it to me too, once,” you chime in. “You don’t have to worry, Bucky. Loki’s illusions are spotless. They trick even security cameras.”</p><p>He looks between the three of you, biting his lip, still hesitant. Then his eyes soften, brightens a degree, and he smiles shyly. “A roadtrip, huh? It sounds nice. Really nice. Steve and I dreamed of doing that, when we were kids.” He looks at you and Loki. “Yes please, I’d like to go.”</p><p>“Great!” Emma says and kisses him again. “You won’t regret it, I promise. I love you.”</p><p>“I love you too.”</p><p>* * *</p><p>* * * * *</p><p>* * *</p><p>“How was it?” you ask Loki once you’re back at your room in HQ. It’s been forever since you last saw it. It feels almost alien.</p><p><em> Home is where your heart is. </em> And your heart lies with Loki.</p><p>You’re laying on your sofa in front of the fireplace, you on top of him, while he drags his fingers through your hair. You close your eyes, happy.</p><p>“Which of it?”</p><p>“All of it.”</p><p>He laughs softly. “I like Beatrice and Jasper. They were nice people. Gand… I could hear him, you know. In my head. Nice man.”</p><p>“Yeah, he was.”</p><p>He kisses your head and pulls you closer. “Fanny and Tobias were nice, too. Polite. But I didn’t like the way Dorotea looked at you.”</p><p>“You don’t have to worry. We talked.”</p><p>“Oh? Was that why she looked ashamed when you hugged her?”</p><p>“Yep. Surprised she hugged me back.”</p><p>He hums. “What did you tell her?”</p><p>“I called her my sister. It had impact.”</p><p>“It did indeed.”</p><p>A short, comfortable silence falls between you. Loki gathers his strength. “They liked me.” You don’t have to ask who he talks about. “Stark and Captain America and Hulk and… and Peter and those women and the arrow man. They liked me.”</p><p>“Yeah. Happy?”</p><p>“Very. I thought they’d accuse me of manipulating you again.” Truth to be told, you had had that in the back of your mind, too. Thankfully, it turned out to be an unnecessary worry. “And Thor…”</p><p>“You cried.”</p><p>His laugh is strained. “I don’t remember the last time we hugged like that. The last time we were that close.”</p><p>“This is the start of a new friendship, then.”</p><p>“Lots of new friendships. I like Bucky. Reminds me a bit of myself.”</p><p>“Thank you, for offering him help.”</p><p>Loki stays quiet for a moment. “I couldn’t sit and watch while he suffered. I didn’t get help, but that means I can’t offer it to him.”</p><p>You kiss him softly. “I love you, Loki. Now and forever.”</p><p>He smiles against your lips. “And I love you, to infinity and back.”</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>~THE END~</strong>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I am... I can't even describe how emotional I am right now. I've never uploaded a fanfic before, and I certainly haven't finished writing one. This is the first in many aspects, and I'm sad to see it end. Thank you all to those of you who finished this, I'm eternally grateful you gave this a chance and read it to the very end. I am forever in your debt.</p><p>I want to rewrite the story, to flesh out Charlie and Loki a little more and change the plot (I'm not at all happy with a few moments). I also want to change Charlie's ability—it's too OP, since they can take on literal gods. I can't continue this into Infinity War and Endgame, because it would only take Charlie a second to explode Thanos' lungs and, well, there would be no story. But I have a lot on my plate (thank you, university), so it will probably be a while before I upload new chapters (as a separate story, probably with a new name, but I'll update this one to make sure you'll know when I do, if you want to read it).</p><p>Again, thank you for following Charlie and Loki for as long as you have!</p>
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